The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just stopped by the library yesterday and got the book Codependent No More. I have not started the AlAnon program as am having a hard time finding one close by but after reading half the book boy did I meet most of the criteria and various stages of codendency. But I had plenty of time getting here almost 28 years.
Many years ago I stayed home and of course took care of everyone, after all if not me then who else could be responsible to do it not the hubby he was drinking when not working. Well with six children that took up a big part of 20 years. I dabbled in AlAnon but never fully committed. I knew things would get better.
My eldest son acted out alot I knew his sole purpose in life was to drive me insane and he did a pretty good job of doing it. After reading the book could be he had a reason to. At this point I sought out counseling. I had major depression, psychotic episodes and was suicidal. I had hit severe codependency. By now it is around 1992.
Around 1998 still fighting depression and an additional diagnosis of schizo-affective I made the choice to selfmedicate; after all the kids were older, I had "earned" the right to enjoy my life finally and it was something I could join the hubby in doing since he still only enjoyed working and drinking. I dabbled in the various stages of drinking from socially to outright drunk. After all if hubby could feel nothing so could I. I stopped the heavy drinking a couple years back but seems like my kids don't know that or acknowledge that. I would still occasionally join the hubby and drink too much till just a couple months ago. I have taken over my life and realized I can't fix him but I have the ability to fix me.
I don't know if I belong in AA or AlAnon. For 2 months I have not even taken a social drink. I have not joined him in even one beer. I hit the intolerant stage. I have so much anger for the many years. I have no desire to drink as I feel the only reason someone would drink would be to alter their state of mind. I feel the codependency pulled me into drinking. The counselor said I sounded more like a problem drinker than an alcoholic.
Anyway I am starting to ready the AlAnon material and am trying to fix myself hoping that my example will push the "kids" into fixing their lives that have been destroyed. So far one son was hospitalized with alcohol poisoning at age 26 and still drinks. The 25 year old just got picked up DWI with 10 other various charges that were dismissed. Still too soon to see the effects on the two younges girls aged 18 and 16 but the oldes age 20 us ok.
I believe the requirments for AA are a desire not to drink. (I don't have time to check out the website). The requirements for Alanon are you have been affected by someone elses drinking.
Both are up to you to decide. It sounds like you are affected by your husband and your children's drinking. Many double winners (both AA and Alanon) come into AA thru what they call the back door via Alanon. I've also met some who have come in via the other.
I too have read Codependent No More. It's not conference approved literature but Melody Beattie has multiple fellowships in 12 step programs, is very knowledgeable of them, and ties them well into her books. I find it to be a dove tail fit w/ my program.
What is funny is that for me, Alanon is what brought me to the realization of my codependency. Funny how there are truly many paths to recovery.
Welcome to MIP, welcome back to Alanon. Being in Alanon might not drive your A's to stop but it might help. One thing I hear in some of my Alanon meetings is that changed attitudes aid recovery.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I am so grateful that you choose to post this very insiteful story of yours. I so much appreciate your willingness to share of yourself.
I see alot of value in Bobumps opinion. I am grateful for him, too !
Just wanted to let U know I value the opportunity to share in hearing/reading about U and your experience.
Blessings in Recovery..............
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
You are in a good place to talk about how alcoholism has affected your life. I have also read Melodie Beattie's book and revert back to it often as it has so many good points to work on. Melodie Beattie is really big into 12-step and is a recovering addict herself. I have gone to several open AA meetings and the only requirement is that you have to have a problem with drinking. Whether you are a problem drinker or an alcoholic it doesn't matter. The disease is a progressive one and take off at any time. I'm glad you are taking the steps to better yourself and work this program. I have known women that work AA and Alanon together, for them it seemed appropriate. AA meetings have people ready to be your sponser that might work for you. Keep posting and let us know how you are.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I am in the exact same boat...if you can't beat them, join them. I too decided that I was simply missing out on my life by drinking with him. I still have a glass of wine or two a few times a week, but I no longer partake in the gallons that my AH consumes. Personally, I have found help by attending both AA and Alanon meetings and message boards. I believe that the steps can help anyone in crisis. Both programs have given me a better understanding of why I allowed myself to "cope" with alcohol, and in turn how to "cope" with my H's drinking by taking care of myself instead of taking care of him. Another great book by Melody Beatty is "The Language of Letting Go." It has a daily reading that gives me something specific to hold onto and work on every day. It is by far my favorite and has really changed my life. There is only one al anon meeting per week in my area so I have designed my own program using the internet and books. Good Luck and find solace in the fact that this stuff works if you practice it daily!!!
I too spent a while dabbling in the booze, trying to numb myself with my A. I just didn't like the after effects, and just didn't follow that path. While drinking I wondered if I would become an A...guess it just wasn't in my genetics? He quit, and I quit. I would think you would benefit from both programs, too.
Glad you are working on yourself..I've learned that nobody else will come "rescue" me. I am the 7th child in a family of 8, and spent a lot of years being rescued.
I love Melanie Beatty's books...through the years I've read a lot of "self help" books and become frustrated that I cannot apply all my knowledge to my life. Now I'm more accepting of myself (most days) and realize a baby step of applying one principle at a time is a true victory.
MaNature26 
Blessings in Recovery..............