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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> February 4, 2021 – ODAT – Self Deception
Post Info TOPIC: February 4, 2021 – ODAT – Self Deception
Debb


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 579
Date:
February 4, 2021 – ODAT – Self Deception
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Todays ODAT reading suggests that we have to face the fact that when we look at the outside forces

for the reasons for the trials we are experiencing, that the real reasons can be found within ourselves,

hence the self deception.  We maybe frustrated with the alcoholic in our lives, yet however difficult

they maybe, we could do a great deal to offset its damage by turning our examination and criticisms

on ourselves, and taking energetic steps to correct what we think and do.

Todays Reminder:

I will examine my own attitudes and activities and face the fact that much of what I do or leave undone

contributes to my distress, Like the alcoholic, I, too, have an unrecognized sense of guilt which I could

overcome by correcting what I find wrong with me.  My first job is to stop fooling myself, stop excusing

my own shortcomings.

 

If we say that we have no faults, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" ~

(1st Epistle General of John)

 

I am still working on this one daily.  When I sense my resentment rearing its ugly head, I have

to stop and remind myself that what I am resenting AH for is not under my control, that he does

what he does because he drinks and what he drinks is his business.  I have to live my life in a

mindful manner, find peace/joy with me in my own daily activities and life.  If I spend my life

resenting AH then I am only feeding the disease for both of us, which is not what I want as my

lifes purpose, to be quiet honest about it.  Al-Anon has been such a rewarding program and

will be forever grateful for these gifts.

Love and light to you all!



__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie
Enigmatic


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 963
Date:
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Great page, thank you for your service and ESH, Debbie...

I bump into problems when I feel I have a reason to be frustrated or angry, legitimizing my looking outside of myself for the source of my discontentment. The reality is that it doesn't matter; I still can't control outside, only inside my circle. Still must change my attitude, perspective, physical location or circumstances.

The answer is simple, I often struggle to make it complicated

__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 
SunnyFrogs


Senior Member

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Posts: 419
Date:
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Thanks for the shares.

Today makes one week since AH and I have had a fight. It's almost unbelievable to me,tbh, especially since it's pretty much been a daily routine for at least 2 years.

There's been plenty to fight about, there's been many things I could have been ranting about. Many things I could have been hurt and upset over too. So it's not like anything has really changed in that sense.

What's been different this past week is that I decided to take full responsibility for my own behavior. Instead of just expecting and wanting him to be and act different I changed my own behavior. Of all the slogans, "live and let live" has been my motto and what has helped me most. No matter what the situation,I repeated that over and over in my mind. I did all the things that I wanted to,needed to and enjoy. And I let him do his own thing,which he's gonna do regardless. Whether it's been him not taking his medications, him not doing his part of household stuff,him getting intoxicated, whatever,I just let him be.

It has worked so far. I may not be able to do this every day or never slip but it feels so great knowing it is possible to not fight if I'm not a participant in it.

Oh wait,I just remembered that we did have one huge fight. It was my fault though and I immediately apologized,took full responsibility and then let it go. Usually I can't (don't) let go and allow something like that to ruin an entire day or days. Amazing that I forgot about it until just now.


All this to say that by not blaming everything wrong or bad on AH and taking a look at myself makes a difference. And surprisingly it makes me feel more loving towards him instead of so hateful.


__________________
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
Date:
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Happy Thursday MIP. I thank you Debb for your service and the daily. I thank everyone for their shares & ESH. I am having a day, one of those that rocks you and leaves you angry, fearful, shocked and sore. I was in a car accident this morning, bright and early, as I was on my way to Walmart to pick up my curb-side groceries.

Long story short, I was sitting behind ~~10~~ other vehicles at a light, waiting for it to turn green and my turn to advance. All of a sudden, my car lurched forward and slammed into the truck in front of me. I drive a small, compact car which ended up under the truck's bumper. My foot never left the brake, yet my car took on a life of it's own, and lurched forward, and did not stop revving up until I turned it off. It's completely crashed up, my airbags did not deploy, my chest hit the steering wheel, my knee hit the dashboard and I am sore -- back/neck.

I was sitting still, foot on brake, waiting patiently my turn to advance, and my car seemed to malfunction, lurching forward only stopped by a huge truck that suffered a small dent on the bumper. Had I been the first car instead of the 10th car, I would have been propelled into the middle of a 4 lane busy intersection with a speed limit of 45 MPH. I still can't fully understand what happened, why it happened but have found evidence of stuck gas pedals on my make/model as well as stuck throttles.

So, I'll let you all know what lessons come from this. I am a strong, independent fierce gal and have great anxiety now about driving - any car, any time soon. I am grateful I hit a truck and not another car as it was able to stop my car. I am grateful I am not hurt more than I am. I dread having to deal with the insurance company as it's such a painful process. I am grateful that my AH made the tip to Walmart to get our groceries. I am grateful that the driver was a gracious young man who did not freak out; I did a bit. I can freely admit that my serenity has been shaken and I think it's justified.

Thanks for letting me share....

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> February 4, 2021 – ODAT – Self Deception