Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Courage to Change Jan 30 - Not living by old fears

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

PNP thank you for todays reading, your service and ESH.

Expectations and anticipation, I know when those two emotions get me into trouble.

Each day I try to wake up in a better frame of "One Day At A Time" mode, because

with the disease ever present, I try to put it in the "not my monkeys" perspective,

where it belongs. I find that when I have better control over my reactions during

the day and go to bed feeling in control of my life, that I wake up a better person.

Try to not have those expectations that are just not realistic and acceptance of

that fact is really a game changer for me, because I am rewarded with a much

more even tempered day which is being good to me. I am learning that fine balance

by keeping to myself and not sharing too much with AH and not asking questions

that will yield disappointing results because my expectations are askew/controlling.

The final result is I live in less fear, because I have cut off all avenues for AH to

say and do hurtful things to me. Don't get me wrong, there are times, when I

have my doubts and fears because he throws a different curl ball at me, but I

accept that this is a journey that has many different roads and destinations.

So sorry you had such a distressful dream last night. When I remember them

I look up as many of the symbolisms and try to figure out what the dream was

telling me!! {{HUGS}}

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you PnP for the daily and your service. So, so sorry you had a dream that started your day a bit 'off'. Love your plan to get through it.

Thank you and Deb for your shares/ESH. I honestly don't know if it's my brain (I suspect) or by habit, yet I can still jump towards fear instead of faith when 'life' happens. I am much quicker today to use tools to shake off the negative energy and find the reality and/or positive yet still have to pause and not yield to where my brain wants me to go.

I am so, so grateful that when I arrived, others who came before me just kept suggesting I live One Day at a Time, not to worry about the past or the future, but just try to be in this day. My crazy brain floated every place other than today, so it was a a huge challenge. I had no choice but to practice, practice, and practice more to stay present. It was an entirely new way of life/living for me.

I can still project as well as visit the past for a longer than desired stay. At least today, I am aware and can take action to do different. I do try as best I can to choose simple and joyful vs. complicated and stressful. The former represents who I want to be and the latter - who I used to be.

Happy Saturday all. Enjoying a calm, rain-filled day in my neck of the woods. Had a long afternoon nap - which, for some reason, is where I dream moreso than during night time sleep. Most of mine are extremely strange so I'm grateful I don't dream often. (((Hugs)))

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks PnP for your service and for all above ESH. I not only have had addiction issues with many people all my adult life, but in my FOO I had a raging brother who controlled the family. I believe my personality was set in fear mode from young childhood, and once my brother was not in my life in a daily way, the addicts/alcoholics took over. I could never count on consistency from those who loved me, and abuse leaves a more intense imprint when it comes from people we are close to/depend on.

So its been quite a struggle/battle/job to change my fear-based personality to one of hopeful positivity, which I am actually doing, little by little, ODAT, with the help of our program. I didnt think it was possible, but with diligence and practice, change and healing can happen. Grateful member always.

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

Having PTSD from my childhood, it's very hard to live each day as it comes , free from living by old fears. If I could do that I wouldn't have been diagnosed with it in the first place.

That being said, I try my best to live one day at a time. I try my best to not live by old fears. I try to control my actions and reactions the best I can. I also am trying my best to work this program.

That's all I can do, my best. I wish I could just "choose" to do or not do things and be able to follow through. It's really a challenge having PTSD tbh.

I think I just need to acknowledge the small changes that I AM able to make and be grateful for any baby steps I accomplish. It feels like I am taking one step forward and 10 steps back all the time. I do know it's like that for everyone else too so I feel guilty to even trying to play the PTSD card right now,it feels like an excuse.

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

I think that having PTSD has it's own set of triggers that can hamper Al-Anon progress.

Therapy and Al-Anon together seems to be the most helpful for someone dealing with the disease

of alcoholism and personal PTSD.

From what I can see is that when someone has trigger events (Correct me if I am wrong) that:

The serenity speech

Reading Al-Anon books

Know that in the past when things were bad that it did get better

Chant "one stay at a time" or "easy does it."

Listening to favorite music or watch a favorite movie as a diversion

Seek counselor/therapist

Al-Anon virtual/f2f meetings

Remind oneself that "This too shall pass"

All of the above seem to help others in this dilemma.

-- Edited by Debb on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:13:44 AM

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

Thanks Debb

I think it's different for each person that has a PTSD diagnosis, what works for one person may not work for another. There's times that simple things such as affirmations, chanting, etc help but there's also other times that nothing does and a person just needs to ride things out the best they can until they pass.

I think it depends on the types of triggers, the types of traumas that are being triggered,etc.

Thanks for your suggestions, I appreciate it.

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

I, as of late, find it very helpful to ask myself each time I react, am I acting with grace.

That one question has helped me immensely. {{HUGS}}

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

I have been putting on headphones lately(when I remember to) as soon as I feel that surge of anxiety/anger/fear, etc.

*I listen to a podcast on Youtube about reacting vs responding

* I listen to Marconi Union's "weightless", which has been scientifically proven to be one of the most relaxing songs ever because your hearbeat synchronizes with the drum beat and slows it down and calms you down

* Listen to the guided meditation my therapist gave me a few years ago

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

SunnyFrogs wrote:
I have been putting on headphones lately(when I remember to) as soon as I feel that surge of anxiety/anger/fear, etc.

*I listen to a podcast on Youtube about reacting vs responding

* I listen to Marconi Union's "weightless", which has been scientifically proven to be one of the most relaxing songs ever because your hearbeat synchronizes with the drum beat and slows it down and calms you down

* Listen to the guided meditation my therapist gave me a few years ago

Thanks for posting this SF!! I am checking out "Weightless" now!

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

I hope you found "weightless" calming and relaxing P&P.

It's best listened to with headphones or earbuds, it's kinda heard to really hear and feel the drum beats otherwise.

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

Sunnyfrogs

I have an allergy to.iodine

In the past I have been around oeople who have a get over ut mentality

Now I do not deal with them.

My complex ptsd encompasses many of the issues I am dealing with. That is deoression, affect regulstion and of course codependency

I.spend a lot of time recovering. I soend a lot of time researchomg ways to deal with it

Therefore since the lifetime effects of comolex ptsd have been so cumulative, I know oersonally I am never using it as a #card#

In fact most of my life I have sought to hide it .

I also have asthma

Kidney disease .

And other disabilities

My family-s strategies was to ignore them .

I.am no longer willing to do that

Maresie

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene