on friday i was all upset because my addict husband had moved in with his mother who is the classic enabler. i haven't spoken to them at all for the past 3 years- their decision- my husband chose me and his kids and sobriety over them and all of their insanity. but now he's out there and i'm done and i will not do for him anymore. it's what is best for us all. he needs to do it on his own for himself. he has always gotten sober for me to get me back. well obviously that doesn't work. i didn't hear anything all weekend. i thought i was going to see his youngest sister sat. morning- she is one of my most talented students. so i wrote a note to him about needing money and sealed it in an envelope to give to her to give to him. it wasn't a loving note but not nasty either. sat. morning i'm all in knots and she never shows up. so i toss the letter. i've been praying just to do god's will. that's the best i can do right now. i contemplated all the things i could do to get what i wanted. and then i let it go. then i'd take it back and try again to figure out how to get what i wanted (him away from his family, him getting sober, me getting his check so it didn't go to drugs....) and then i'd let it go. god's will not mine. the weekend was good and sometimes hard. i would still catch myself getting into arguments in my head with all these pepole....but i'd catch myself, laugh at myself and then think a different thought. the anger was there when i thought about it. yesterday his sister came to class. but she and i do not speak of family. just what evolved so that we can continue to have a relationship. last i'd heard he was supposedly going into rehab yesterday. i just kept turning it over. none of my business. he called today with his victim story....stole his mother's car, spent all his money, stole money from the guy he was living with.....and then he says he can't do it with out me. i said yes you can. he said he didn't want to to which i didn't reply. then he got snotty and said so this is it?! i said that we went over all of this on friday. he was high and i knew where this was headed. it's almost bizarre how the same it is. except that i am different. god's will not mine. i didn't have alot to say to him. i just didn't know what to say so i said nothing. i wanted to tell him i care and i am still here to listen but he is not rational so who knows what he would have heard. he kept saying he didn't know what to do. i said salvation army or rescue mission. he knows his options. then he had to go. so i said another prayer thanking god that i did hear from him and now at least i know that he is alive and the state of his being. i did nothing that i thought i should have done and it all worked out. it will all work out the way it is supposed to without my trying to impose my will on the situation. if i just keep letting it go. my hp is right here taking care of me when i ask. when i let go.small tests. thank all of you just for being here. esh is just incredible.