The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Alcoholism is a three-fold disease. It hits you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Because we are here, we have all been affected by another's dance with this disease. Therefore the reading today reminds us to check on our own emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.
Is my physical well-being a priority in my life? Do I eat well and get enough sleep? When was the last time I had a check-up or went to the dentist? do I keep myself clean? Take breaks? Exercise? Do I ask for or give a hug when I need to?Am I growing more aware of my feelings? Do I have a sponsor and an Al-Anon connection to help me through rough times? Am I able to celebrate when things go well? Is any of the attention I once gave to negative thinking now focused on gratitude?
Do I have a relationship with a Power greater than myself? If not, am I WILLING to give it a try? Do I use my Al-Anon tools?
Today's Reminder:
By simply taking inventory of my self-care habits, I am beginning to improve them.
"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world." - George Bernard Shaw
I can attest to being that person who was so consumed by my loved one's disease that I always put myself last. Once I became a Mom,, I went further down the list!
When I began Al-Anon, it was tough to put myself first. I usually thought I wasn't doing enough, or being supportive enough in the marriage. It is when I a gave a conscience effort to do "everything right" and my marriage still went south due to Addiction... that was when I finally thought, "Hmmmm, maybe this Al-Anon thing of self-care and putting your O2 mask on first has great merit." LOL! I can smile about that now. I try not to focus on all the time I wasted. Instead I tell myself it is the journey I had to take. My own individual journey.
I can really relate to the question posed: "Is any of the attention I once gave to negative thinking now focused on gratitude?" I mentally go over my gratitude list everyday. It truly keeps the negative at bay. Of course, due to the pandemic, my doctor's visits and dentist visits have been cut back to "Do I really need this?" For now, that is smart, that is prudent.
Take care MIP Family. I am off to buy some homemade tamales from an industrious person in my town! They will be for Xmas Eve dinner! Yum!
One way I can "give back" to my parents who have helped me recover from the ending of my marriage, and who have helped me back on my feet.
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Last week it was my truck that needed a check-up. I was in a relaxed frame of mind. Oops- override for a service. And I NZ we pay road tax for diesel vehicles. And that was just over the limit- pay and display.
I had got two new tyres... and will have to wait until the front ones get right down to the limit, b4 I replace those.
I think that key people minor world expect catch-ups at this time of year. Many do, anyways. And there is the old rigmarole about what we are planning for Christmas day. With no Thanksgiving here in NZ Christmas IS the biggee.
Also Hannakah, Diwali and the others, of course... ...
Presence, rather than presents... though both are okay. I am pretty well opposed to rampant consumerism, though my SO is not.
These readings sowed seeds for me- over the years... at a meeting 10 or 12 years ago I realised how much brain fog i had. [Also the same as numbing and dissociation.] Reading a reading myself had slightly more impact. Hearing a reading much more than actually reading it myself.
Here, these readings even more so- with this new fangled technology!
I have always loved the title to this text because early on in my recover it meant so much to me. What also meant so much was my sponsors insight and understanding about change. Don taught me that if I wanted to see real change I ought do the opposites of what I was doing that was getting me in trouble and feeling bad. This morning after doing the readings one of the emotions cited on the page of the day in Hope of the Day was sadness and I remember my deceased sponsor ask me during a lesson on sadness which I didn't do well preferring rage and anger, "So what for you is the opposite of sadness?" I thought and thought and didn't get it until he quietly responded, "Gratitude". My whole understanding changed from that day and this morning I asked my Al-Anon wife the same question which caused her to think a moment and answered the same..."Gratitude". Thank you HP and Don.T and Al-Anon MIP. ((((hugs))))
One day you go into a store and you can wait insude to pick up your order
The next you have to wait outside and somehow be psychic and know when your orded is ready. They do not even come out to get you
Then when you are reeling under all these changes there are people walking around with no mask acting like nothing is happening
It is very hard to convey to others who are not going through it
Every single activity you want to do is affected by this pandemic
Want to go to the doctor you have to fsce all this screening before you get in the door. That is every day with people gettng more and more up tight all the time.
Just going to the store is negotiating a minefield of every day the rules change. In many ways it hs easier to give up
Even going to pick up stuff from Amazon is very difficult
Then there is the hard reality of the reason for all this hardship is because certain people did not want to follow the guideline. They all went out and partied over Thanksgiving.
They went to lsrge parties. They include my immediate neighbor who could justify going to a party with 20 other people. Then he came back and talked about social distancing
This incredible self centeredness and complete inability to think about anyone but themselves is so typical of the alcoholic
So for me living with an alcoholic was like living in the desert next to.someone who basically took.every drop of water
The painful thing is thst I.kept living in the desert
And I stayed there drowning
There is something very triggering living in an environment where everyone else is hell bent on doing whatever they want
Curfew what curfew, mask what mask, social distancing, what social distancing?
It is extremely painful to see how i kept putting myself in sotiations where i could not win
In so many ways living through a pandemic is like living with millions of alcoholics. The profound selfishness, self absirbtion some people have is extraordinady. They all feel they are exceptions.
Meantime along with dealing with the pandemic and negotiating the maze of change that comes in every few days Inam trying to do a few things. Go to the dentist a huge hurdle.
Talk to a government agency. Every government agency is shut down. I had to send something to one of them this week. Inhad to fed ex it. I sent a letter to them a few months ago. They shut the mail room down. I did not get even an acknowledgement of the letter for months
Finding the way through and around all these bumps in the road. Every day there are new hurdles big big hurdles.
I am sure that some people can understand this current state of affairs. Other people just seem really oblivious of the enormous hardship this pandemic has caused for so many people. Then there is the issue of how incredibly similar this is to living with an alcoholic
That is very very painful to look long and hard at that not only did I live in an impossible situation. I stayed there and emotionally starved. Not only that but I stayed aroud people who deliberately calculatedly tried to make my life even more difficult consciously. I am only now being able to even look.at that. It is enormously painful and there is much grief
Thanks PnP for your service and the daily - I'm late to this great thread/discussion. Thanks to all for your shares & ESH. There is no doubt this year has been 'different' - painful, uncertain, frustrating, etc. I too have postponed doctor/dentist simply because I prefer to be safe than sorry. I also, as suggested above, do best with routines daily. My daily routine has changed a bit because of the pandemic - I have a whole prayer section dedicated to strength, patience, humility and courage because of the pandemic. Then, it's all about action. When others are moody/short/rude, I chalk it up to the pandemic and choose to be cheery, joyful, etc. It's not too hard to do since I am not going anywhere - ha.ha.ha.
I do all my grocery shopping online and drive through to pick them up. I'm reminded of childhood - my mother made a list, which we could add to, and shopped once a week. If we ran out of something, tough, it would be replenished on Wednesday and we made due. We always had all that we needed! As an adult, I've been more spontaneous in my shopping, and am lucky to have any/all that I need within 2-3 miles. So, changing up what I do and how I do it has been fun - and, like growing up, if I or my AH forget to put something on the list, we go without until next time...
One significant change for me, as I continue to grow in my recovery, I truly don't want to be a part of 'the problem' - whatever that may be. I find humility and grace in being part of the solution - whatever that may be. Everything ever shared with me in recovery has mattered at some point or another. I practice putting me first, being true to me and trusting God. That's the premise I start each day with and how I try to go about my day. At any point, if I am restless, irritable or discontent, I turn it right back to me.
The last time I tried to shop in person, when things were good in my area, there were 2 folks without masks in front of me to checkout. The clerk, also the store manager, encouraged me to begin emptying my cart. I refused to do so as I wanted to stay distant from those without masks. Mind you, there were signs outside and all over suggesting masks were required and we were under a state-wide mask order. The two without masks glared at me, maybe hoping for a confrontation and I just opted out. I had my boundary, I stuck with my boundary and was content waiting where I was. When they departed, I unloaded and asked the manager why they were allowed in. She suggested she couldn't 'force' anyone to comply and I should have confronted them. I calmly stated that was not my job, and said nothing else. I gathered my things, went on with my day, sent an email to corporate and opted to not return. They lost my business for now, which is my choice.
I share this because I guarantee you that if this was before Al-Anon, I would have given my power and peace away by confronting everyone I thought was at fault. The manager and the others would have gotten a strong scolding and possibly a bunch of attitude and displaced anger. The God of my understanding truly does lead me and take good care of me!! I prefer the me today that unconditionally accepts that what others do is not about me, it's about them. No matter how selfish, self-centered, stupid or other I believe it may be, I just prefer to stay in joy and serenity than give away my power.
I can honestly say I don't like the holidays much. That being said, it is because of Al-Anon that I can choose to 'sit there' and be in self-pity or I can do things that bring me joy and consider each day as it comes as -- just another day. I am very grateful for the tools that allow me to adjust my attitude and outlook, when/as needed, one day at a time to enjoy my life vs. endure it (before).
Love and light MIP family! (((Hugs))) - it works when we work it!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I like that IAH; the courage to change the things I can was a real evidence that I was growing without growling for me, a real difference as I use to "get in their faces an apply lots of "Me" language in winning". Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
I am here
I am also in a place where I will not confront those who donnot wear a mask. In general I will not confront them either
I am perfectly livid about it
I know plenty of people who try to put that back on you
I do not pick up this anymore
I am very happy that I let this practice go
Great share!
Maresie
& 
Tamales sound wonderful,
Nice reminder P. And Hi! Debb... 
