The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been isolating recently and not getting out to my f2f al-anon meetings and just posting in here and other on-line meetings. I fear this is not a good habit to get into. I know with covid we have all been doing more isolating than we are comfortable with and that can't be helped for now. As i was thinking about isolating and what was making me do it (other than covid) I looked up two readings in Courage to Change and thought I would share them with you here:
I have a bad habit of isolating when I get depressed or overwhelmed, this is not good for me. C2C pg. 223 talks about having clutter in ones house as a method of keeping people away, of isolating so others wouldn't come by and see the alcoholic's drinking. This was a revelation for me as I have always had a "messy" home. i never thought of it as a way to 'distance' others, but this makes sense. I also think it is a symptom of being overwhelmed and not being able to focus on more than the alcoholic in my life. I don't have an alcoholic in my life anymore, but I do still tend to have a messy house, this may just be one of the lingering effects that alcoholism has had on me.
On page 278 of C2C, it reminds us that though we have our differences and that is ok, we are never alone in AL-Anon. This kindred-ship makes it easier for me to come out of my isolation and enter the world of the living. While it might have been my own fear and shame of the alcoholic situation that kept me isolated and alone, I found in al-anon that there were others that were going through the same thing and that i was not alone anymore.
"Today I will cherish our collective strength."
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I actually find isolation one of the ways I can use to get through the holidays.
At this time of year I am easily triggered i find myself far more sensitized than I did before.
Some days putting your head down and powering through it is one way to deal with things
This is an incredibly difficult time. I am trying to formulate ways through some issues. Every time I feel like I am getting ahead I encounter some hurdle. The latest one is going to cost me at least a few hundred dollars
I.cannot go into my.savings to get it so I have to work more
This weekend I will be working at least the whole weekenf
I know people who have done that. That is a real hardship
At the same time I want to take care of things
I want to push ahead
I am going to be able to go to a beteavement grouo in January and I think.that is going to help me a lot
I am so grateful to have this group. When I came into this group I was heloless. I do not feel heloless any more
I feel like I can make straregies and work on goals
(((Overcome))) - As with all things, I believe I can overdo it or exploit it. What I have to understand (about me) is when I am feeling alone or down or self-pity, action is the word of the day. Any action - baking cookies, cooking a nice meal, cleaning a closet, taking a walk, program tools, etc. It is the being still and ruminating on negative energy that feeds unhealthy thoughts in me.
I recall when I first came to recovery and just didn't know how to get through a day without obsessing, worrying, anger, etc. and someone suggested I get a hobby. I am quite certain I rolled my eyes - if not formally, inside my head - and found it quite dismissive/uncaring. Yet, I know now that the suggestion was offered with love and the suggestion was healthy! I used to think adulting was all about worry, work, parenting, managing, etc. -- I did not know that we are supposed to have fun and enjoy things!!
I do not see social distancing as bad or as isolating. I see it as choosing to be part of the solution. When we first began this, I began changing things up a bit. Knowing meetings and my typical social interactions would be gone, I began reaching out to others - family, program folks, golf folks, softball folks, old friends, etc. I can't stand FaceBook but do like messenger and use that often. I also enjoy sending random texts to folks just wishing them a great day. I've stepped up volunteering where I can safely and added blood donation to my life, every 8 weeks. My goal is to interact with at least 20 folks each/every day. I always hit it (because when I set a goal, I feel I've made a commitment to myself).
As with all things in recovery and life, I feel grateful that I have a choice each day, all day, how my outlook and attitude will affect my serenity and joy. I've been known to start my day over at various points and what a gift that it! I am off to add a layer of poly to a chair I'm redoing and then golfing around lunch time. It is always important to me that I am gentle with myself - especially this difficult year. I'm glad you've returned 'here' and hope you keep coming back and sharing. I LOVE C2C when I am looking for inspiration. (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
