The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 12/14, spoke to me as it deals with losses. The writer says there are many kinds of lossesdivorce, incarceration, illness, death, and even emotional change. The writer goes on to say that when suffering from devastation and grief, they pushed everyone away. With program they learned to live with loss, pain, and despair, until eventually they felt alive again.
Reminder: Pain and loss are part of life. No matter what I do, I will not be able to change that fact. But with the fellowship to support me and the Steps to guide me, i will be able to face and grow through anything that comes my way.
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Except for incarceration, I have experienced all the other types of loss mentioned. And I lost my spouse about 15 yrs ago, not through death, but due to alcoholism. And I felt so emotionally bankrupt, and also shame and embarrassment, that I did push everyone away. And a couple weeks ago I put one of my beloved dogs down, and the grief I have been dealing with hit me like a ton of bricks.
Im not sure where I would be without this program, as at times the suffering I feel or have felt, is almost unbearable. But I havent given up on myself. Time is helping me get through the loss of my dog, and the fellowship is helping me bridge the gaps in my marriage. Need I say more? Just that I am a grateful member.
Let me start off by saying to you that I am so sorry for the lose of your dog.
I have a very difficult time saying goodbye to beloved pets.
I, like you, have never dealt with incarceration, but divorce, illnesses, death
and emotional upheaval I have. Fortunately not all at once!!
It wasn't until I joined MIP and Al-Anon that I can honestly say I do deal
with the set backs, disappointments, pain and lose in a much better way.
My HP plays a major role in how I deal with pain and Al-Anon has given
me a better insight into the need to have a closer relationship with HP
as part of the program.
I am very grateful!!
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
Thank you Lyne for your service today, and for your ESH on this topic.
I feel, and have felt that this program and the way I work it, helps me to tread water efficiently. I can feel overwhelmed with sorrow/emotions at times. Almost like a wave could just sweep me away. But this program keeps me afloat, and now I can safely say that most days I am happily floating on top of the water... like when I was a kid and would have contests to see who was the longest floater! Hint: I usually won!
Be easy on yourself regarding you beloved furbaby. I say this out of experience b/c this weekend I took a chance and enjoyed some puppy love from my neighbor's 3 dogs (I was masked of course). Due to COVID, I haven't approached anyone in my neighborhood to say "hi" to their pooches - and that was something I did almost daily after my Gidget passed. Yesterday I almost cried! I felt the tears well up while I was petting those dogs, and I kind of chastised myself to keep from all out bawling in front of my neighbor, but later I told myself, "It's OK... you're OK... you can still miss her." I gave myself permission to have these emotions still (it's been 1.5 years). That, in itself, seemed to allow my emotions surrounding this to settle in their place. Al-Anon has taught me that!
Please be safe, and enjoy your Monday!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Happy Monday MIP - thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all of you for your ESH & shares. I have to raise my hand for all of the above types of loss. The good news, I do way better with loss today than before recovery! I too am so, so grateful for this program and the willingness to learn different coping tools.
As with so many things, I had a distorted view of reality when it comes to loss. I truly believed and often felt as if bad things always/only happened to me, I had it way worse than all others and the like. I was so intensely focused on what was happening 'to me', I never paused long enough to consider life, sadness, grief, loss and more happened to others too.
What I know is my HP truly does deliver when I stand down. I can vividly recall that one of my sons had a court date on my birthday one year. I really felt that God would not punish me by sending him to jail/prison on my birthday, right? Guess what? My son was handcuffed in front of me, and carted off to jail to serve his time for his crime ON MY BIRTHDAY. I felt so sad and ashamed when I left that court room all alone, only to talk it all with others and sleep better than I had in a long, long while simply because I knew where he was, felt he was not using/criming and he was in a safe place.
So, when (and this is a progress area for me) I can truly practice leaning into my program and my trust in the God of my understanding even loss has a purpose in my life. I too miss my sweet furbaby Layla each and every day yet found out recently that seeing photos of other people's furbabies makes me smile now, and not cry!
Love and light family - make your Monday as good as possible....that's my plan!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This family and it's ESH, compassion and understanding and more is THE PLACE of compassion that I was missing when I first found the doors of the program for real and on purpose. How powerful the understanding that I can come here half a person and leave more than what I came as. MY Higher Power leads me here and calms me to listen for and to the solutions that give me peace of mind and serenity. Gratitude and the willingness to give it away to others who have the same needs as I is most valuable.
Mahalo family you also relieve this Hawaiian from the cold. (((Hugs)))
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