The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone! I don't post much here anymore but I do come on and view our C2C readings regularly and I love to see everyone's progress and program lessons.
5 days ago, my cousin, who lives in Haines, AK and is like a sister to me, was forced to evacuate from her home with her husband and 2 little children due to a landslide. It was all over the news and you can find updates on Alaska Public Radio's website. Her neighbors are missing and deemed to be deceased as the home was completely obliterated by the slide and washed into the bay. My cousin's house was 300 feet west of the slide and managed to avoid complete destruction but they are not being allowed back into the home due to unstable ground and more rain in the forecast. They are living in an apartment, fully paid for by the apartment complex owner. they have been gifted a car to drive around town in. The community has come together to support those who were displaced (about 30 residents of a town of 2000). Her children have clothes and toys. they are having food brought to them daily. She is beyond grateful for the support and love and kindness of her community but also devastated to lose her neighbors and friends. She was also severely traumatized by the escape as they were forced to run to the water (roads were washed out and flooded) and were rescued by boat where she carried her 2 year old on her back in thigh high freezing cold water and they escaped with nothing but the clothes on their backs. My heart hurts for her children but her attitude and grace despite the pain is so comforting for me to witness.
She was in shock for a few days and is slowly updating family and friends. But, what I am learning through this is that sometimes tragedy can bring about a soul stirring depth of gratitude. I feel the same about my life. I currently look around my lovely home, my suburban neighborhood tucked into my favorite mountains with hiking trails, my job which is stable and has so much career growth opportunity, my car that starts every day, etc. I often get tears in my eyes when I drive home into my neighborhood realizing that I bought my house on my own, I furnished it, I pay the bills, and I take care of ME. Nobody else is doing this for me now and I am so grateful for the lessons I have learned after I left my alcoholic husband.
I had no career, I was dependent on him financially and was scared (deeply scared) to even try to comprehend supporting myself. I had no belief in my abilities and didn't know what I was capable of. I know those things today. I know I can provide for myself and that if I make a mistake, it's on me. I am eternally grateful to Al Anon and to the folks on these boards who have talked me off of many precipices in my past.
And, in case y'all were wondering, I'm still with my current BF. We've been together for 2.5 years. We have our own homes and we like the way our relationship functions today. He is my rock and I have absolutely no complaints about him or our relationship. I have no desire to marry or even live with a man.....for now, lol. My son is still struggling to get off his feet but he's working through things and is quite honest with me and about his struggles. I am in awe of his emotional intelligence and awareness of his struggles as he grows and I'm letting him do so at his own pace. He does live with me but works part time and is taking classes in graphic design as well as art. He has his moments of fighting depression and daily anxiety but he's growing and learning. Aren't we all?
I hope you all have a peaceful holiday season. I have to admit that not having the pressure of a bunch of holiday parties to prepare for has made this holiday season more enjoyable, lol. I love you all and hope life is treating you well during this whole mess of a year called 2020. HUGS XOXO
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Sorry to hear about your cousins misfortune, andromeda. It is definitely a lesson in gratitude. It sounds like her HP is taking care of her during this difficult time. I remember going through a traumatic experience in 2000 where my husband was undergoing chemotherapy treatments and we had a house fire that put us out of our house for a year. The community came together to support us during that time, much like your cousin's community is doing. It was an amazing and humbling time for us. We got through that time of our lives. The marriage didn't survive, but the husband did and for that i'm grateful.
i am now at a time in my life where I'm experiencing the things that you talked about when you left your marriage. i have no career and am deeply scared of how I'm going to support myself. I have no belief in my abilities and have no idea of what I'm capable of. I am 11 years out of my last alcoholic marriage (yes there has been more than one) and have no skills other than home care, due to caring for my mother for 10 years who had Alzheimer's. I've done home care for the last 5 years and it is not enough to live on, so I am looking at other options but at 58 it is hard to start over.
I look at your story and it gives me hope. To have been where you were and to now have a successful career, a house, a car and are able to support yourself. This makes me realize I can do it too, I just can't give up. The only thing that is different is I dont' have a desire to be in a romantic relationship at this time. I am happy for you that your relationship with your boyfriend is going so well. I know for me this is not the time to be in a relationship, it's my time to take care of me. There will be time for relationships later, if that's meant to be.
I read a poem on Facebook today it goes like this:
Your terrible job is the dream of the unemployed.
Your house is the dream of the homeless.
Your smile is the dream of the depressed.
Your health is the dream of those who are ill.
Don't let difficult times make you forget your blessings.
I wrote a response that goes like this: I am unemployed, homeless and depressed; but I have my health, my daughter is letting me live with her till I get back on my feet, and I have my friends (in the program). There is always, ALWAYS, something to be grateful for.
May your day be filled with sunshine and blessings!
Overcomer
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Good to see you Andromeda!! Glad to hear of all being well with your man, your son and your life. You've been missed! I too am so sorry to hear about your cousin and the tragedies in her neck of the woods. I must admit that I got a little teary hearing how so, so many are rallying around to try and offer support and needs. I can't imagine her experience or her pain/trauma, but I can send some positive thoughts and prayers for all affected.
Happy Holidays right back @ ya! Keep doing what you're doing - looks fantastic on you!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Overcome: I hear ya! Oh man, I left my marriage at 44, I'm closing in on 51 now, but I was scared to death to leave. When the pain of staying became greater than the pain/fear of leaving was pretty much when I had hit rock bottom and knew I needed to get out. I was a shell of myself and who I am now. I was lucky with the career path, though, as I had prior experience from 16 years prior in the industry and I truly believe I'm a good networker. My first 2 jobs were from friends who knew I was looking and I didn't even do a job search online. I just put it out there that I was looking.
You won't know what you're capable of unless you try! I have failed so much especially in my first 2 jobs out of my marriage! And, I am leaving a current position that I've only had for 14 months because it's not a good fit for me and I don't want to waste my companies investment in me but I can see the writing on the wall so i told my boss i'm looking for other opportunities. I felt like a failure but I have learned, once again, about more of what I want and more about what I don't want. And, that's a positive!! Just as you are learning those things about yourself. Keep learning. Gain new skills anywhere you can. Pick up a new hobby and meet new people. My bf and I just started playing pickleball and we're having a blast meeting new people and learning the sport.
I am a bit of a tough do it myself gal. I value my independence now, and probably, it might even be to my detriment as I don't ask for help very often even though I know my bf or friends would come by my side if I asked. I do have debt I don't want to have right now, I am making good money but not enough to save and prepare for a great retirement, etc. But, I am constantly growing and learning at work. I do hope you find some peace and serenity in your situation. My son does deliveries for Uber Eats or one of those services and makes a bit of side money. It's low contact, easy to do, and can provide some extra income to float your finances for a short period of time.
And, to IAH: thank you, my friend, for the warmth and support! Always much appreciated. I hope you are doing well. Happy Holidays to you all!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Andromeda, I'm so glad to hear from you and see your update. I agree, independence is wonderful! And yes, we can find gratitude even in the face of disaster.
If my experience is any help, I believe your son will get on his feet -- he's doing wholesome activities and knows he has your moral support. I too have a son that faced similar challenges, and I know that supporting our kids without infantilizing them is such a delicate balancing act -- but thank goodness we have Al-Anon which helps with exactly that.
I think it is really hard to.compare. After all we all know kots of people are great at making whatever they have look.good.
I know many many many people who psinted a picture of a wonderful life. Nexr minute they committed suicide
I know many of us get sentimental.at this time of year. In fact I had to stop going to 12 step prograns around this tome. People were universally sentimental about their familiies
I found that too triggering to be around
I know I stand up.against a big wall about what to do next abd how to do it. However I have certainky been up against many many walls
I want to be one of those people who are hapoy where they are
That is a hard one for me. I can go into poor me pretty easily
I am working on doing better. Of course I am a long long way from where. I was.
Wonderful to see your smiling face, B!! And what a great update!
I was shocked to hear about your cousin's nightmare... I didn't even hear about it, as I don't watch that much TV these days. I was extremely touched by your description of how her community came together and is helping that family!! I just don't see that happening where I live. Perhaps my community would surprise me, you just never know. It sounded like it was an extreme traumatic experience, and they were lucky to escape with their lives! May their lives continue to be blessed as they move forward and heal.
Loved your share about you and your BF - yeah, it is great to hear that you are together and happy - but more so about how you are living/loving independently. He has his space, you have yours, but have figured out how to enjoy each other as well!! And your sentence about driving into your neighborhood and tearing up b/c you know it is your house that you purchased, and are thriving in... that choked me up!!
Thank you for the positive update. I am glad things are going very well for you. Please stay safe with this pandemic. and I hope that you enjoy the holidays as well!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
A lovely catch-up Andromeda... 
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