The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page suggests that the end of year is a great opportunity to review our recovery from an outsider's perspective, objectively. Examples might be to consider improvement in our attitudes, whether we blame others for results of our own actions or let discouragement resign us to previous habits, or if AlAnon has helped us recognize and take back our good and valuable characteristics.
Reminder: This should not be a time of negative ruminating or discouragement, nor blaming others if we have not made as much progress or consistency as we wished. AlAnon guides us to own our own behavior, that we are not the judge of others'. If our review reveals opportunities, we have today and days to come to build upon them.
"The purpose of inventory is to get a clear picture of where I now stand, to recognize shortcomings that still need to be corrected, and not to use any self-deceiving means of justifying them." -------------------- It is easy for me to get lost in the day to day struggles and lose sight of my total recovery journey. It is so very helpful to recall how I felt when I first found AlAnon...the desperation, the raw emotions and hopeless...then compare to where I am even on my worst day now, after trying my best to work the steps and apply the principles of AlAnon.
I am so grateful
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Examples might be to consider improvement in our attitudes, whether we blame others for results of our own actions or let discouragement resign us to previous habits, or if Al-Anon has helped us recognize and take back our good and valuable characteristics.
Reminder: This should not be a time of negative ruminating or discouragement, nor blaming others if we have not made as much progress or consistency as we wished.
I'm not sure that I have blamed others for my actions, but I do know that 'discouragement has resigned me to previous habits'. I need al-anon every day to help me recognize and take back the good in me. I can not blame others if I haven't been consistent in my journey, that is on me. I have slacked in my attending f2f al-anon and have used reasons of fear of walking into a room of strangers (due to my recent move I need to find a new group to attend) and fear of driving at night in a strange neighborhood to deter me from attending. My fear of driving is real (I had a wreck last January and have been told by doctors that I have PTSD from that wreck.) but i need to walk through the fear to the confidence that I once felt when walking into a new al-anon room by myself. I have done it before, so there is no reason I shouldn't be able to do it now. I am working on not telling myself "I can't do this" to telling my self "you got this!" It is a big step for me to step out in faith and rely on my Higher Power to get me through these fears. Once I'm in these rooms again I have no doubt that the fear will subside and I will be comforted by the routine and familiarity of the rooms.
I need to remember that fear stands for:
Face
Everything
And
Recover
Now to face my fears and move forward. Thanks for listening to my rant. :)
Overcomer
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Thanks Paul for your service and for both above shares. Since I put my dog down two weeks ago, I am struggling daily to find my assets and gratitude. Our divided country, Covid, life with my A, and son problems (seem resolved), were enough to deal with. Adding my great loss to the mix is a bit much. Im relying on program tools, my F2F on zoom is tonight, program friends, this board, etc., are certainly keeping me afloat, but I lost the spring in my step. Hoping to find it again soon....
Thank you Paul for your service, and to those above who shared their thoughts.
Overcomer - Your acronym for FEAR is one that I haven't seen before (imagine that!), and it is the best one so far IMHO. Thank you for sharing this!
Lyne - I continue to send you peace through the interwebs, as I understand firsthand the pain you are feeling with the loss of your furbaby. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, right?
While I was on "covidcation," I found a diary of mine. It only had about 4 months of entries. It was documenting my thoughts regarding my spouse before I learned of his Meth addiction (this was way before the alcohol addiction). Reading the words made me cry. My reasoning for documenting was stated on paper as, "I am writing this down so that I have some sort of proof I am not going crazy." The confusion and loss of self was so evident!! The gas-lighting was off the charts! Knowing what I know now, it was so sad to read my words! In a way, I was so innocent then. I came away with a mixture of sadness and disdain for how gullible I was! I also wished that I had continued documenting... b/c so much has happened from then until now. Both in regards to "what went down," but also my growth!
I also came away from that "review" with the knowledge I am grateful to be where I am today!
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
...another good year. The biggie for me was trying to do too many things at once. My folks had an orchard and small farm. Semi-subsistence really. We got mutton. milk, eggs fruit from the farm itself. But it was chaotic with chronic clutter. Both inside to the house and across the whole property.
I was the oldest of five kids, and second oldest of 5 kids and 6 cousins. You name the rest... ...
So I did try to fix. I did not try to force solutions. I did get tired and irritable. Washed out- burnt out- you name it.
I did not become an alcoholic or addict, thank goodness.
Ah figured that I had become addicted to my own body chemicals. Frozen emotions- brain fog- you name it!
But I was never going to beat the clutter, the things that needed done, and the debt.
Fact is- when our parents split up I stepped in and ensured our dad had a home to go home to- and propped him up.
He did not see it this way. he saw it as his property, over though I paid a mortgage and paid all the county rates. Supplied him with water and firewood.
Kept him off the streets, effectively while he drank daily.
And when he died he disinherited me- in favour of his two favourites. They were gambling addicts and the proceeds of this quickly evaporated.
We lost our home and lost 66 per cent of our share of the property through a forced sale- which realised about 33 per cent of the actual value.
I always say the democracy of dictatorship by the majority. The other kids in the family were sleeping partners- who watched me struggle with all the bills- then swooped when dad died.
I always reflect on the story of "The Little Red Hen".
It was horrifying, after all that initiative and effort.
But that is the story of alcoholism through and through. An immature incomplete person who believes that are in charge.
And a sucker for every shyster who come around.
The irony... people say often of these local drinkers- that they would give anyone the shirt off of their back.
But then they leave 'the little woman' at home with five kids- barefoot and pregnant.
Grrr... I am strongly opposed to a world like that! Period.
But anyway I was a cat chasing its tale. never really making it.
Since dad died I worked my butt off to earn some retirement income. Succeeded.
Now safely off, touch wood. Getting some leisure.
I was going to work back in the vineyards, but decided to renovate property instead. I earn twice as much really, but don't see the money. I am a hopeless handyman. Good with sheep, and a skilled chainsawist.
I have to narrow down the tasks- and do 'em one by one.
Have a good set of priorities...
...our tenant over here on the coast is a lovely chap who spent his working years in Oz. [NZ is the Ireland of the South Pacific.]
So I do a fair bit of his gardening- and he does trade work- which he excels at.
Looking forward here... ...before Christmas I plan to do a share on compassion vis a vis empathy.
I am a great fan of Brene Brown as a thinker and a self helpist. I can translate her insights into Alanon tall. [I think!]
In Alanon had a new reader I am sure there would be quotes from Brene in it!
To be honest writing is more than a passion for me. it was a life-safer, from recording my teenage angst to the present day.
It might bring pleasure to other people, too... ???
The run-up to Christmas here is hectic. it is our school holiday time, and also harvest.
Our oldest grand-kids are big into rowing... and the oldest grandkid is in a national tournament in March next year.
That is something to look forward to
Looking forward to a days painting- the side of a garage wall.
Happy Tuesday MIP Family. Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. Normally, I do take time towards the end of the year and kind of consider the year, what worked well, what could be improved and what could have been 'skipped completely'. Well, for me, and I don't think I'm alone, 2020 will go down as a tough and trying year!
I really, really, really am grateful to have this program. I do know that the me BR (Before Recovery) would have made this year all about me and certainly, unintentionally, would have made everyone miserable around me. BR, I did not handle change well, and I have no doubt that the many side-ways events of this year would have had me in a perpetual state of chaos, worry, anxiety, anger and more.
So, I believe the fact that we are all 'still standing' at this point in this very challenging year is a miracle in progress. One of the best gifts for me in my recovery journey has been a change of attitude and a change in my outlook. In spite of a world-wide pandemic, the lack of F2F meetings, the social distancing, the lock-downs, the loss of sweet fur-babies, the loss of Betty and so, so much more, we are still showing up for our recovery and each other every single day.
I consider it a divinely inspired miracle that in spite of all this year has presented, I still can be grateful using this program and our tools. In spite of the loss and uncertainty, I still have hope. At any point I feel overwhelmed, I truly just sit with my thoughts and feelings and find gratitude that during these trying times, I'm able to practice acceptance and trust my HP, my recovery, etc. It helps me greatly to know, deep in my soul, that without this program I would be an absolutely crazy woman this year and certainly probably part of the problem. Instead, I can be proud that I am part of the solution.
I've had a long day volunteering at the golf course in cold temperatures! I have a repeat day tomorrow. I'm tired, but it's a good tired...going to bed shortly - love and light all....so, so grateful you are all part of my journey!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am not as pessimistic as I normally am at this time of year
I am in fact more enthusiastic than I have been for years
I.most certainly have my share of issues
Nevertheless I have found ways to glide through my therapy
I am very grateful for al anon for helping.me to negotiate such a challenging year
I am also grateful for being part of a dynamic group.of people dedicated to.their recovery. That dynamic is s great help to.me on a daily basis. I am so lucky to be able to have this refuge.
& 
Thanks Paul and y'all...
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