The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Cooler here. It nearly froze yesterday morning. Getting towards summer though...
The top share here this morning as as good as anything I have read in our literature.
I am awed and inspired. But I need to go onto my own tangent...
As I moved through my teens I had a grandmother and an aunt who took special care of me. My mum tried too, sometimes against the odds. But what traumatised me most- more so than my own childhood was the fate of my cousins. Five of them ended up in brothels, four of them had been boys.
This was the end of the 60's. Music and a youth culture was blossoming. Rebelling too. Post-war was a land fit for heroes. My uncle- the dad of these kids joined the navy at the age of 15. A slight, rural boy. Welsh born. He was discharged in 1943 as unfit. He killed himself in 1970.
Anger does not describe my reaction to these events. All the glorious things I was taught seemed to be one big lie. I was very sensitive and experienced a whole heap of shame and pain.
Having said that I have had to come to terms with my own life and my world. The fate of my sister for instance was less dramatic- but no less tragic.
Recently, with world events swirling around I have begun to promise myself a better world. To begin with me and in my own corner.
The family tradition says that he jumped overboard one time. And the whole convoy had towing round to pick him up.
What was he trying to run away from I might ask?
I don't actually believe that he was instrumental in trafficking his own sons.
I know today about the principle of learned helplessness.
This explains the situation for me.
I go back and back again to Step 1 and contemplate my own helplessness. And I apply the serenity prayer.
i have found ways of being less helpless. Of being able to take initiative.
To consider care and protection of a young generation. And now, to have practical measures to make this possible.
Up the river is the home town of my late uncle, mum and 10 of a family.
I have always liked the meeting up there. At our assembly- just last weekend- the GR did not come. But i went to her meeting during the week and provided feedback and support. I was very warmly received. The group is, to some extent a victim of Covid. A tourist town hard hit with no tourists.
One other member there- a newcomer- from North America- stranded in NZ.
Let it begin with me.
We can honour Betty every day- in carrying on her work. Absorbing the truth the was able to pass on, and making it our own.
This shared awareness, knowledge and truth creates an indelible bond.
It brings healing.
Today I tend to live in the now.
I am becoming more familiar with the place called -now-.
Used to live in the land of -when- and the land of -if-.
The stories that are lived in places are nought to do with the veneer. Why is that? Has life and living ever been boringly normal anywhere at any time including now? Is it our NZ background? So many questions. None of which is strictly program related, but I'm amazed there were brothels for boys in country town 60s NZ. I've heard some interesting tales too from the NZ before I was born. Sailors and a certain class of lady, poker games, heroin, fur coats and houses bought for a hundred pounds, maybe less?; a type of weird freedom but also an edge of danger, a heap of soul and suffering. In some way though I needed to read this right now because it's kinda my parents generation and I just don't understand how irresponsible and bad at self care they are. It must have been an odd time to come of age. Thanks for the share David.
Two very interesting shares above. I guess I relate to the pain of growing up in total dysfunction, and have many unanswered questions that I can no longer get the answers to. All of the older generation are deceased.
I'd been to many wonderful therapists but no one was able to help me the way alanon has. And as I was reading David's share, I also thought of, Let it begin with me. I have this opportunity now to be a role model for my 10 yr old granddaughter. I can do a better job of parenting now than I could with my own son. He forgives me, and I forgive him.
What can I say about Betty except she will always in my heart and mind.
What an empathic sweet.man you are. I.doubt I could tell my.family.story with such clarity
The welsh are known to be the happiest people in the UK
They are renown for their resilience
They are also renown for being welcoming to everyone.
You have great genes
I recently let go of one of my therapists because he stepped on a boundary. The other issue being ny schedule just blew up after I thought it was set till the end of the year
My boundaries in 2020 are radically different
They are a total 180
I dont know that I ever really looked at boundaries in such detail before
Now I review thrm all the time
I now recognize much of my issues with boundaries were related to chronic post traumatic stress disorder. Learning the symptoms of that particular disorder is very hard
Then learning how I.managed my major depression has been incredibly difficult. I had no idea the cost of managing my depression was so cumulative.
Thank you so much for being so willing to address everything on your plate. I try to have some time daily to process.
Cooler here. It nearly froze yesterday morning. Getting towards summer though...