The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Me and my fiance have been trying to buy this house and we have closing friday. BUT yesterday we ended up in a huge fight! He told me to call the whole thing off and that he is moving out.
Somewere deep down I expected to screw this up and push him away permanantly and it seems as if I have accomplished that.
I have no coping skills with stress and I take it all out on him. I become angry, sarcastic, and a mean bitch. I snap at him and make him feel like shit. The worst part is that he is so good to me. He works very hard and gives everything that he can to me.
The difficult part about all this, is that he is my everything. I love him more than I can ever explain and I am some how expected to go on with my life today and tomm. How can I go to work and be professional when my life is falling apart.
I need help! Please someone tell me how I can make it through my day. I need some coping skills because I dont have any
Hi Jess...remember that you can do anything for 8 hours, even if doing that thing forever would be unthinkable...whether it is to stifle your anger, or heavy labor.
Take time to breathe deeply before you react..sometimes that helps.
Do you have any Alanon books IE: One Day At A Time, Courage to Change, Hope For Today. Reading those when I am angry, happy, sad, hurt, whatever the feeling is helps. My HP leads me to the page(s) that I need to read.
Journaling might help to. Call somone in the program, just to vent. I go to meetings, because that is a safe place to vent if I need it, and I can also work through what is eating me.
I know for me, I am not happy with myself, so I think it is ahrder for me to appreciate others. I am worse on my husband, I think because he loves me, and I really can't grasp the why in that.
But I have started to work on me. I go to the gym, I go to my meetings, I do things for me that soemtimes include him and sometimes it doesn't. That has so improved our relationship. I am happier, and in a better mental state. I have seen the conection between us get stronger.
Take things one day at a time. Maybe even a minute at a time.
When my "A" and I seperated a few years ago, I thought my life was over. He was my everything, but I realized that having him be my world was so unhealthy. Now he is a part of my world. When I realized that and got healthy again, we got back together.
Keep coming back.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I agree with Dolphin, take it one day at a time. You can get through the day, somedays I have to take it one minute at a time. I encourage you to begin reading the Alanon readers, going to meetings and focusing on your happiness. Your fiance cannot be your everything, that is a tall order that he is sure to disappoint you with. Our happiness lies with in ourselves. I try to do things for me now that will make me happy. I go for a walk, go to the beach, call a good friend, anything that will make me feel like I'm alive and involved in my life, not just pining away over my "a" wrapped up in his confusion that I will never understand. Be good to yourself and you will know when you are ready to make the changes you feel are necessary. It took me almost 4 years to realize how controlling and nasty I can become when things don't go my way. My "a" is constantly changing things, jobs, appointment, plans, everything. I can't keep up, so now I focus on what are my responsibilites, how do I handle these new changes? Be good to you and maybe that will make a difference in your attitude, just a thought. Keep coming back.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
