The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Can someone help explain this "dry drunk" that I keep reading about? What does that exactly mean?
My A husband has been threatening separation and we must move in a month because our lease is up. So the pressure is dragging me down in the middle of final exams. His threat couldn't have come at a worse time. I guess that is part of the illness. I feel like I don't know who this person is.
Clearly, something got through at counseling though because he has been sober since 2 days after that meeting -- 21 days in total. I am terrified because I know that stopping drinking is only part of it. The psychologist refused to see him until he was ready to really get sober. He has never called so I wonder if he is really serious about stopping.
There is very little communication right now and this is all so hard for me to absorb.
You've come to the right place. In alanon we learn how the disease of alcoholism affects us and we learn to tak care of ourselves.
A dry drunk is someone who has stoped drinking but isn't following a 12 step program so none of the behaviors have changed. Drinking alcohol is one symptom of the disease of alcoholism. Alcohol numbs the alcoholic so he/she doesn't have to look at himself/herself/real life - all of which can be very painful. A dry drunk doesn't have the alcohol to numb him/her so he/she uses alcoholic behavior to avoid what is painful. It could be denial or anger or blaming someone else or many other things. Sometimes a dry drunk to be more hurtful than if he/she were still drinking.
In alanon, we learn that we do not have to accept unacceptable behavior but we can take care of ourselves. So go ahead and study for finals. That is taking care of yourself.
Hi Sunny: Joan is right in what she has posted to you. My A was 'dry' for years even tho he did not drink. I came into Alanon because I wanted him to get better, and found out it was me who needed the program. I have learned to take care of myself in spite of what my A is doing, feeling, etc. A dry drunk is exactly what Joan said....someone who is not actively drinking but is still exhibiting alcoholic behavior because they are not in a program. You will be okay. You are in the right place and you will get the help that you need. It takes some time. However, you have made the 1st step by posting here. We have meetings and a chat room. You will meet fun, helpful, concerned people here who will love you til you love yourself. Finish with your exams. Take care of you 1st and everything else will fall into place. I know that seems foreign, however, like I said above, you have taken the 1st step to health. God Bless. Scamper
Welcome to MIP, keep coming back!! You will find the strength to take care of you by working this program. You "a" has his own work to do if he chooses it, if not you will still be o.k.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
