The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone....I survived my birthday...with the help of many of you.
It's funny how I thought I'd learned so much with the ending of my relationship with my ex...who is an A. I told myself what I would put up with and wouldn't. Now I find myself beginning a new relationship and I'm slipping right back into the whole codependent "let me be the one to make your life perfect" kind of thing. Then my birthday hit...and I fell a little apart.
It's funny I guess...I had so many of you tell me to do something for myself. Rather than make me feel better, it made me feel worse. I had no idea what to do for myself that I would really enjoy.
When someone( on this site) finally told me that she herself had no idea what she wanted for herself for a long time...it was like a light came on.
I started to think....what am I worth. Who is worthy of me. I'd never thought of it that way. All my life I've been trying to "fix" the A in my life and since that was the only way I knew to function...that's how every relationship i've had I have tried to live that way....with everyone.
Now the past few days have been a rebirth in a way. Today I did what needed to be done for me. I didn't analyze anyone or anything. That guy i was telling you about...made my birthday evening wonderful....and you know why he was scared and pulling away before? Because I was being too worried and stressed about being perfect.
So I have no clue how I'll feel tomorrow, but it doesn't matter today. Tomorrow will take care of it's self, and I'm not going to spend another minuete worrying about a tomorrow that may never come.
Thank you to all my friends here....God bless and keep you.
Also good for you for taking care of you. I think so many of us are programmed into thinking that taking care of ourselves and doing for ourselves is selfish. We have to learn a new way of thinking. It is not selfish, it is necessary. We deserve as much as we would give to others.
Your learning from each mistake and that is something. Most of us are "fixers". Recognizing the pattern is half the battle. Tomorrow doesn't matter till it gets here. You got it!
Ending our relationships with our A's doesn't "fix" us by any means. Keep coming back and keep working the program.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Hi, so glad you had a lovely birthday in the end. Sorry if I made you feel worse, I was one of those that suggested you do something nice for yourself. Sounds like you had a bit of a breakthrough though so maybe it was worth feeling worse for a while. It also took me some time to figure out what I enjoy, what makes me happy. I'm continually evolving, growing and changing and so do my needs and desires. It can be tough for me to keep up with the changes, let alone anyone else; which is another good reason that I am responsible for my own happiness today.
