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Well just an update.... he came home that night before i had decided on how to actually handle the situation. saw his stuff by the door and knew. It almost got hostile but we both calmed down. we can do this civilally or not. What hurt most that night was all he had to say was "OK". here i am my heart breaking into little pieces and he says ok. NO emotion. I feel like it has all juust been a "thing" for him. our marriage. How can one let it go so easily... I know if i said this to him he would answer its not easy for me... but to show no emotion. I have cried every night for hours solid while he went and took his stuff straight to her house and there they play house. Im sure if anyone asked him he would say he isnt living there just staying with her. He told me he was going to go home..out of state... to clear his head away from both of us. For a minute i thought i might have a chance...but then i look at the situtation and who am I kidding.... I doubt he will even go... and if he does all his stuff is at her house. except his tools. Guess he trust leaving them here more than there or they are just a big pain in the you know what to move.. so it was like giving me another little thread to hold hope onto.
This is not what i bargained for. This is not what i want... but I keep reminding myself that he wasnt with me these last few months anyway... our home was just a place to stop in every now and then. I just cant stop crying... I do ok when im at work but nights are so hard. Mornings too... I dread this weekend. 2 days of nothing but this empty house.
I wish God would tell me why he let my heart become so attached to someone who was going to hurt me this bad. Like the subject says...this still hurts tremendously...yet i still want to work this out with him... but accepting that it probably never will is soooooooo hard.
Thanks for listening. Ill keep praying for god to carry me thru this because i sure do need his shoulder right now.
i am so sorry that you're in so much pain. your situation is/was very similar to mine. i remember dreading the weekends and being very depressed. and dinner time seemed endless too. when i was that hurt and confused i made no decisions. yes he made his decisions but in my head things were not over and i decided to just do the next best thing for me. it gave me a feeling of being in control of something. and thats what i wanted at the time. alcoholics have a disease and i think part of their disease is shutting down when they are overloaded with guilt and fear. they don't know what they are feeling and so it's just impossible for them to tell us or be there for us emotionally.you are a strong person and you are getting thru this. you are feeling it all and it sucks but at least you are capeable of feeling. when i was there in your position i used to wish i could be the alcoholic just so i could numb the pain. but i'm not thank god and all those feelings have brought me to where i am today. i guess thats why. i'm seeing what i need to do to change so that i don't have to continue the same patterns. much love and remember this too shall pass.
((((()))) Snt one day at a time. You deserve to have someone who loves you completely. Try and keep yourself busy, you are a good person and we are here for you. Keep posting so we now how you are doing. Luv Leo xxx
I don't know if it helps, but reading your post was like reading my story, except I don't know where my husband is. I can't help thinking about it and wondering. That is the detachment that we need to find, even though it hurts so bad. I can only tell myself that things will get better, and that I am better for myself than I was when I was trying to help him. I have painted 2 rooms in my house, which is something I enjoy, just to keep busy and not to think. One room is painted "Victory red." It is bright, beautiful, and brave, like I want to be. It soothes me a bit to look at it. Nothing can make this hurt less, I know, but some things take the mind off for a minute. I will be including you in my wishes for happiness
I am so sorry for your pain. I don't know why our hps let us go through what we do. I sure do wish he would tell me why too!!! Just try to hang in there. Take it one day at a time. Is there a movie you could go to this weekend, or something you could do to keep busy--clean out closets, rearrange furniture?
That is one of my fears (that I try not to think of!!)--whatif--things have to turn out for me this way--where I tell my husband good-bye and he doesn't seem to care. It just seems like it would crush me. But luckily we have friends here. Keep coming back. If you can get into the chat room that might be a good place to stay this weekend.
firstly...what ur feeling is normal. i have been there...its a dark, lonely painful place that u wish never existed!
when i left my "A"...the lonliness used to kill me... the nights seemed endless...i had grown sooo used to cuddling up to him in bed for nearly 2 yrs...that when he wasnt there...i was empty.
the ain in my heart i thought would never ease. i left him last august... he had been sober for a total of 3 yrs..when his scumbag riends came back on the scene from prisons and rehabs..his old ways returned. thats not my life...
the only thing people kept saying to me when i joined here was.."keep urself busy...it does get easier.." i used to think..."what the hell do they know, for f**k sake... i loved him...i still do love him..i cant move on"...
then it hit me....
they were right...he was out living his life...however f**kd up that was.... so why am i ining...for our "fantasy" relationship..when the reality of the situation is sooooooo bad.
he cheated, he lied, he robbed me, he did everything possible..... i hated him and loved him all at the 1 time...some days i was sooo confused and hurt...physically in pain that i couldnt cope...function... go to work. i lost over a stone in weight..and im already skinny...so i looked anorexic.
it took me a good solid 6 mths to get my life in order..and i couldnt have done that without all the help and support the guys in here have given me.... id be lost without them.
some of the things i did...to take my mind off my "A".... was to read a book, start writing a novel (thati always wanted to do and never had to time to) bough a baby plant and watched him grow, made handmade gits for family and friends, made photo collages for my room, bought a brilliant book called "The Women Who Love Too Much" and all of the "Chicken Soup For The Soul" books... joined a local gym, wrote to penfriends and called up old friends that i had left by the wasteside.... started LIVING my life as opposed to watching it fade away...
i also had to stop saying... "i remember when my "A" and me used to..... STOP REMINISING THAT WAY...STOP THINING ABUT HIM FOR 5 MINS...THEN THE NEXT DAY 10 MINS..etc...
there will be a day come where u will suddenly think of him and go..."jeez..i hadnt tought about him all day"..it will shock u.
we are always here to listen...... we are glad u found us... we are ur 2nd family
You think it is easy for them but in the end he will hurt just as much if not more than you. I have been in your husbands shoes and in yours. Neither is easy. It is easier to walk into the arms of another but relationships forged in deceit have a higher % of not lasting. Yes it may be a long weekend for you. But it is up to you. Seriously...force yourself to stay busy. Call old friends...make lists of things that need to be done. Rent some movies. Get outside and get some exercise. But most importantly love yourself and give yourself some time and space to grieve. I just went through my 3rd divorce. He left me for some slut he met at a bar. Fast forward 1.8 years. I am fine...dating a little taking care of me and my daughter and my elderly mom. He is miserable. She dumped him early on and he lost 3 jobs since the divorce. Know in your heart you will be ok. You will be ok.
Better too that it went the way you expressed. It could of been sooo different. I am sure you have read the situation could of turned out differently or worse yet, there was violence. IF having to choose..... 1) Fighting, hurtful things said by you and from the person you are asking leave or..... 2) He/she agree to leave without incident. I think it a blessing that they have agreed and are going without incident. So much more a *safe resolve.
You will be ok (((snt))) focus on taking care of yourself. Take in a movie, read a book..... bubble bath , relax. Attend some meetings....((Prayers are with you during this unsure time. It too shall pass.)) Keep Look uP! Let Go and Let God ((BiGHuG))
It could of been sooo different. I am sure you have read the situation could of turned out differently 
or worse yet, there was violence. IF having to choose..... 1) Fighting, hurtful things said by you and from the person you are asking leave or..... 2) He/she agree to leave without incident. I think it a blessing that they have agreed and are going without incident. 
So much more a *safe resolve.
Take in a movie, read a book...
.. bubble bath , relax. Attend some meetings....((Prayers are with you during this unsure time. It too shall pass.)) Keep Look uP! 
Let Go and Let God ((BiG
HuG))