The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so hurt. he went in treatment last month, has not be able to be sober 30 days. I saw him today and he was not sober. I am so hurt, I want to believe that we can and will get sober. He is living alone now, not with me. It hurts so bad to see him like that.
I have been married to him about 30 years, I feel so stupid still hoping and waiting for him to have some clean time...that's what he calls it. I am so tired of being strong. I just want my family to be together, will isn't that a stupid statement.
I cry tonight for my adult daughters that are loosing thier father addiction. My grandchildren that are loosing thier grandfather to addiction. He really is my soul-mate he understands me. We have had great times, vacations,..traveling..camping..going to musuems etc. I do not know anyone else that would do those kind of things with me. As you may be able to tell, I really still love him...but I am so hurt and so tired of waiting for the miracle to happen. This train wreck has been going on for years.
Welcome, I'm sorry for the pain and disappointment you are feeling. You have found a place here full of people that care and have so much experience, strength, and hope to share with you. I'm glad you are here. Keep coming back. <big hug>
Don't give up, sometimes it takes more than one attempt at treatment. Are you taking your daughters to Alanon with you. The grandkids have Alateen available to them. Your family can pull together and get through this. Find something to do that makes you happy and take your mind off him each day. Keep coming back.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Dear (((too tired))), I can fully appreciate that it can get wearing, and the effect that can have on a person and those around them ... so I am wondering what you are doing for you. On days when I feel like how you've described are the days I have the hardest time with self-care, and yet are the days when I need it most. Whether it is a walk on the beach with my dog, or go to a mtg, just something for me. Sometimes I have to just focus my thoughts on just one thing, just one thing I can do for me, in order to get my brain moving in a better direction. What is it they say? Something like, if we don't change our direction we're likely to end up where we are headed.
And it usually takes multiple attempts, that is a reality for the a disease.
I have not attended a meeting, (have gone to several meetings with him) he has always suggested that I do. However, I found this message board tonight looking for a meeting for tomorrow. I think I will go to one next week.
It's getting harder and harder to handle this alone. I am staying busy but I beginning to fell that I just need to get some of this out.
Hello, tootired, We have all been too tired, too. All of us here are grateful that you have found Alanon. However it has happened, you have made your way here, and that means that you have found the hope of recovery! The best way I know to get better in Alanon is to go to face to face meetings, find a sponsor - someone who is in the program, and work the steps with that person. If you do that, you will begin to feel better. As they say in Alanon: "We already love you in a very special way." Thanks for your courage in sharing here, tootired. Blessings, mebjk
Welcome to MIP! I could have written your post. My A has been sober for 20 years but is a dry drunk - he will use any addiction to take him out of his feelings - computer games, TV, etc. I really sympathize with you living with an active A. I have shed many a tear on the loss of the man I have been married to for over 30 years. We have done so many things together and raised three boys. He has also moved out. And I feel stupid for thinking that he was finally "cured" after he sobered up. He says he is giving into his addictions rather then go to AA. I am tired too but I have not put my life on hold. I am looking to being independent financially and emotionally. The last one is hard. The most painful part is not having a place for our kids to go with both parents. We use to travel, camp, see the sights together. When he moved out last summer, I just made plans to do all those by myself or with girlfriends. I had a good time and of course I missed my husband. I still love him very much but I have to realize that when he is in his disease he is not my husband that I know and love. I don't want to leave before the miracle happens but I am learning that I may be in the way of his HP trying to give him his miracles.
Hang in there. Go to lots of meetings. Come back here for support,
Waiting for a miracle to happen ?? Well sobriety is his miracle , yours is finding yourself again and getting your life back on track . I hope u will try our program for yourself ,so tht u an learn about this disease and how much it has impacted your life. It's okay to love an alcoholic but not at the expence of yourself. There is nothing u can do about him but alot u can do for yourself Al-Anon will show u how to get your life back and return some sanity to your life.
There is always hope , don't give up on you or him for that matter . but his alcoholism is his problem to fix he is the only one who can . and he has to do it for himself. Until he says enough there isn't enough. good luck Louise
Welcome, so gald you are here. You are in the right place. Loving an "A" is not easy. It is so hard to watch themselves throw away all the good things in their lives. But there is nothing we can do to stop that.
However, we have the fellowship of alanon. People who have been down that road we can learn how to get better ourselves. That is all we can do, that is all the power we have.
Keep coming back.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
You can't handle it alone. It is too hard and too lonely to deal with a loved ones alcoholism by ourselves. We are effected and become sick in our own way.
Here you can learn how to let him handle his disease on his own, while you work on making yourself happy and whole.
I hope you can get to a face to face meeting, you will find so many people in your own situation just as here. You will see first hand htat you are not alone and that you can find happiness, no matter what he does.
((((too tired)))) glad you found us. Glad you are here. I too struggle with the heartache of being married to an alcoholic, and I am new to Alanon, just been here since Dec., but I have witnessed MY own miracle, in my beginning recovery. I look back to all I have been given by this program, and all I have been able to let go of, one day at a time. I never thought I would get THIS far! My husband is home for now, but we have separated a couple of times in the past year (his decision, not mine.)
Today, I have hope through Alanon. I have moments of serenity, where once I had none. It is an ongoing process, I have discovered. And it doesn't happen overnight. But, one day, I woke up feeling a little better, and it gets better everyday. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us. My A is still drinking, but I am finding peace in my heart. That is a miracle!
If you have not read any Alanon literature, may I suggest that if you attend a meeting, to pick some up. Also, I have read "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. There are 4 volumes of it. Excellent reading, and you will find a wealth of understanding. I found all 4 books on Amazon.
Please keep coming back. If you need to vent, we will be here. I too had a lot of garbage to get out of my soul before I could start the healing process. Years of panic, pain, sorrow, and fear. Talking or writing helps. Also, visit the chatroom, and attend an online meeting. I use a combination of online meetings, chatroom, board postings, reading everything I can. I figure I need all the help I can get.
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