The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I sit here thinking about the past few days as much as everything really is the same, things change.
Hub sober for 2 days, big deal I say, but really it is to him. To me it's just an illusion of a life that was. It is gone, because this is just a brief stop. I know it's one day at a time, one minute at at time sometimes, but how do I act this way when the reality of the situation is that it will not last long.
This is simple a proven fact. So for me right now I must live a little past today. I have to look and see where I would like to be.........My dream would be the life I have right here only sober.........Living with the active addict is more than I want to do anymore.
I although have decided that I will just take peace. Just a little peace in this crazy world will be just fine. Just a little corner just for my head alone....lol.....
Went shopping today with hubby, it was nice but just didn't feel like it use to. I am thinking too much pain. Way to many lies...I can not respect very much about him and to me that is huge.....
Yep, tough stuff Andrea, but we have to take those brief times, in and around active alcoholism, as a breather in and of themselves...
What are you doing for YOU, that is NOT dependant upon whether or not hubby is drunk? Are you pursuing any hobbies, etc., that you can do, no matter what he does or doesn't do?
I used to focus sooo much on my wife's "state of sobriety" at the moment, that it was pretty easy to forget that I had value, and had a life to lead as well!!
I hope you enjoy your Easter weekend, regardless of what is happening around you...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Today I spent the day in past hurts, and I festered in it. When my A arrived, lets just say I was out to zing him. I kept trying to work my program, and trying. By the end of the day, I found it. And I don't have to make any amends
The thing is, I can't live in the past, not even yesterday, especially when it comes to my A. I can't live in the future and what will come, again especially with my A. If I'm in the past (even if it was yesterday) I'm going to stir the pot of resentment and anger of old wounds. If I'm in the future, I'm playing god, because I KNOW what's going to happen. Yes, because of past experiences, I can predict the future ....NOT. And when the A suprises me by not doing what I KNOW he's going to do, well.... he'll evently mess it up so I'm still right. lol
I've learned that I've got to live in the moment. Anything else for me is a waste of energy. If I'm not in the moment, I'm in the past or I'm projecting (predicting) the future. And when I do that, I miss out on today. I have to say to myself, at this very moment, I'm grateful that my A is trying, being helpful or whatever good is going on. For this minute HP let me enjoy this calm, because I'm not use to it. And above all I ask HP to some how, some way let me see my A thru Hp's eyes.
As I said, today was a day I wanted to live in the past, it wasn't a good day for me. I am reminded I have a choice, and if I have to go there, it's still up to me on how long I want to stay in that place.
Remember this is about you and your serenity, it is not something people take away, we give it away. We have a choice.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers! I do know what you mean about wanting some peace.......it is so hard to get when you are around the disease. Some are able to find peace even in the midst of the disease, but we couldn't. I admire those that can......
Keep trusting God, and be confident of my prayers.
Love and Hugs,
Mel
P.S. A side note.......We will be visiting our son tomorrow. This is the first visit since he entered the Teen Challenge program. We did talk to him earlier in the week and he's doing ok. It's been hard, but he's hanging in there.
....Thanks for listening....