The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Quick background ... a couple weeks ago I decided I was tiredof managing AH's personal money, gave it to him and poof it was gone in a couple days ... rough week thinking about how to take care of myself without it benefitting him, dealing with anger over his irresponsibility and possible manipulation BUT I stayed strong gave him no more and did not help out, when he did use some things of mine called him on it. As nicely as possible but firm too. One meltdown about my need to be cared for sometimes too, including how his decision to not contribute to what we normally do on weekends made me wonder if he would choose something completely different constantly. Not to mention the parking ticket he left lying on the table waiting for me to pick it up .... "not in my budget". I think he paid it the other day, if not 6 months or so from now he will be in trouble.
Anyway after much anxiety the next payday I did the same thing, took what was needed for bills and handed him the rest. I am pleased to say I have not been grocery shopping in 4 weeks but he has ... I guess it will be my turn this weekend since he bought everything the last one. This I will not mind, I just don't want it to be a battle to care for US. Having to explain why we need to grocery shop is stupid LOL
Freeing myself from that stuff has let me have the peace to cope with never ending doctor appointments ... had a week break I spent happily with the monster puppy and focusing on work now back to the yuck of an MRI and 4 appointments in the next week. it is part of caring for myself though and LOOK I can see little letters again. HURRAY. Not really well but I can read them I am dreading the thought of a spinal tap that is next on the list if these MRI's show nothing again ... if anyone would add that to their prayers I would appreciate it.
Now I am off to walk the 50 pound 4 month old monster to work with me today, Sully is becoming a nice boy .... slowly LOL. Spring is finally here and I plan to enjoy as much of it as possible. I hope you all are doing well and are as happy as possible. <hugs all around>
Hi Jennifer! Congratulations on taking steps to take care of yourself! It sounds like you have had quite a bit of strength in resisting the temptation to "pick up the tab" for your AH. Good for you! It's a process, isn't it? And some days are better than others. But the program continually gives us ways and means to find our inner strength, and feel good about taking care of our needs.
Good luck with your medical problems, too. I'm glad you are doing what you need to do for yourself there. That doesn't sound like any piece of cake, to me! But again, having the program and a higher power to fall back on can get us through so much!
It's important to recognise and celebrate those times when progress happens, and insights come!
Jennifer you should be so proud of yourself. You have really gained the confidence to stand up for your own needs first. I hope all your tests come back positive. Do you mind if I ask what you are having them for? Please feel free to refuse if you prefer not to. Hugs and please keep posting. Luv Leo xx
I don't mind at all. Last few years I have had a problem with my eyes. Sometimes I wake up and just can't see very well, the first time was like a big grey cloud over the left eye, that was the worst it took over a year to get my vision back as much as I was going to. Since then at times I just have trouble seeing as I normally can, need bigger letters, or can't tell one color from another if they are too close together or too similar. It can change on a daily basis so glasses don't help. Generic diagnosis of optic neuritis, which basically means someting is hurting my optic nerve ... what is doing it is the question nobody seems to be able to answer. The doc's biggest concern was/is MS. Along with a few other nerve related symptoms that have popped up in the last year .. tingling in my bottom and legs when I stretch my neck, numbness, random pain it seems to fit but until the tests show something there is not much that can be done. LOL I rambled ... Thanks for asking, these tests try my patience sometimes and it is good to vent it out. Have a great day!
Thanks Jennifer. I hope you get some answers soon. Sometimes it is the not knowing that creates the stress. Sounds like some of the tests are a bit scary please keep us posted so I can send hugs from Australia. Whatever your diagnosis is know that we will be here to help you through it. luv Leo xxx
now back to the yuck of an MRI and 4 appointments in the next week. it is part of caring for myself though and LOOK I can see little letters again. HURRAY. Not really well but I can read them 