The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have realize that I am in love with my husband who is an alchoic. I am in love with him. I do get upset when he drinks like everyone else. I am happy the rest of the time with him. Thanks to the program I have detached at times when he is drinking. The other times I feel the love of him. I love to give my husband hugs and sleep next to him and cuddle. I still can't wait for him to come home. I am always have a smile when I see him.
When I started this program I was angry with the world. I didn't like my husband but I got healthy and realize I do still love him. But by then there are dso many people that weren't getting along with there husband so I didn't talk about I didn't want anyone to feel out of places, but now i realize i do love him and I am going to start to talk about him more he is part of my life.
Yesterday I got my hair highlighted which turn at awsome. I learned that I have lots of choices. Like what color i wanted to what I would like to eat.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
WTG nycbt - You dont need to hide your love for your husband. I would actually like to hear more about how wives live with their active husbands - how to make the marriage work. I want to be happy with him. I dont want to think/hear about divorce in our situation. My husband & I have had separate bedrooms for several years now. Im trying to accept the fact thats the way it will be for us.
I bet your hair looks awesome! Tonight Im going for a massage which is part of a Christmas present from my husband. In May I have the facial booked and will book the pedicure & manicure for June. (Thinking the week before I take our son on vacation to the White Mtns)
That's awesome ! One of the things that amazes me about this program are there are those who need to leave and those who want to stay. Like the preamble says, happiness can be found whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.
Your sharing that you can be happy with your active H gives hope that it is a possibility for many. It doesn't allienate you or us anymore than someone who is no longer w/ an active A yet continues to work the program in their daily life.
I'm so glad to hear that you not only still love your husband, but that your able to accept that and live your life accordingly. That you can detach when he is active, and enjoy when he is not. That is wonderful growth woman !
TFS this today, Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Never feel you have to hide your love for your husband. each of us has to make a personal choice about what makes us happy. The nicest part of Alanon is that the people here understand.
We can be angry at our spouses or fed up or disgusted or seperate or stay and yes even divorce. The rest of the world might not understand why we do what we do. they will tell us we should or shouldn't do this or that. They have a fix or an answer for everything, and they don't understand.
Here the people don't tell us what to do. They can understand what loving an a is like, because they are or have been there.
Here they can understand why we do what we do, and accpet our right to do it without being judged. Here we are safe.
I am happy you have found a way to make it work and be happy.
If you have a bad day and need to vent, that is fine, but it is just as fine when you are feeling good and want a place to share it. We need to hear the good with the bad.
I bet your hair looks great, and Barbara, I am so jealouse of the massage. Both of you enjoy.
Good for you! That sounds exactly how I feel about my AW! Thanks to this program, I am learning to live with the disease and to make life as pleasant as possible. LIke you, I love my AW and I enjoy our good times together. I have learned to really appreciate those times, to appreciate all of the good things my wife brings to my life, and to detach from the one bad thing. I used to get very angry about her drinking and could not understand how she could disrupt our normally wonderful life together. As I become more familiar with the disease, I become more tolerant, and I rarely get mad anymore--I just walk away from it. Best Wishes!
Thank you...I needed to read that. It gives me hope that I can make it through this too. I've never doubted that I love my AH, but right now I don't like him very much at all. I don't like me very much either though and I'm trying to work on that because I don't feel I can find much to like about him until I like myself again.
You are right this porgram is not a judging progarm. Which is the great thing about the program. I have meet alot of people which has turn to be a blessing.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Way to work it girl. I could so identify with what you said. I to had that experience about a year ago. There are many things I am not crazy about with my husband but I accept that it is part of who he is and as long as I am taking care of me - his behaviors should have no affect.
So way to go. Great thing with the highlights. I love doing different things with my hair. Gives a whole new you each time.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
I love my husband too!!!! Thanks for sharing. I like hearing ways that people are making it work. I hate to think about leaving my husband, I know that at some point I may not have a choice, but for now I hope I can make it work until "death do us part"!!!
I am getting my hair highlighted today! I can't wait. It's good to make something "new" every now and then isn't it?!!!
Great post, nycbt. Am glad to hear about you and your husband. When I first cam into Alanon, I felt kinda like everyone would think I was stupid for wanting to stay. But, I do love mine very much also. Lots of people don't understand. I was devestated when he left. Now he's home again, I hope for good.
When I shared that I still wanted a life with my A, I expected everyone to tell me how dumb that was. That's what I get for having expectations, huh? But what I got was support for any decision I make, because the one who has to live with it is me. I found love and acceptance here.
Glad you are going to share more about your life with your hub. A lot of us are where you are, and maybe we can find help with our coping skills with each other!
So, for today, I am going to stay. Someday, I may not have that choice, but today he is home, and so am I. I want to keep my serenity and happiness whether or not he is drinking, and work my own program.
I have been to meetings where wives have had it with their husbands... I mean really had it. I love my wife, very much. Our relationship has really deteriorated over the last few years. I love her just as much.
I think you mentioned a key factor... when not drinking he is pretty cool to be with. My A drinks everyday. When I say that I am not exagerating. I know the week that she didn't drink in the past 5 years. Outside of that there have not been 5 other days period.
It has taken a real toll on our relationship. We used to have a tiff 2 or 3 times a year, and starting 2 years ago we have really been upset more than not.
I am not looking to leave, just get better every day. If she decides she can't stand me getting better anymore... I have plan B pretty well worked out. Last night she said I am just getting weird... LOL
Well... Weird it is... If you are happy, then we are happy for you! Absolutely!
Take care of you, your post gives me hope... Thank you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
So glad you shared Your feelings are just that -your feelings, you are allowed them I often feel my story is unique in some ways and still at times find it hard to share at my f2f meetings. However, I have learned that in Al-Anon we are never alone.
So glad you are taking care of you A great example of what happens when you work it cause you are worth it TY for sharing, care and wishes, t
Thank you for sharing! I love my husband too. Although right now I do not like him a whole lot, I still find myself smiling at him when I see him and wanting an intimate relationship in all ways. There have been times I have felt guilt towards myself for loving him when he acts out, some people would not tolerate being involved with him ... love or no love. Your feelings and honesty about them give me hope on finding that peace and acceptance of myself, thank you.
And I love my job! I work in a hair salon and seeing everyone's posts about getting thier hair highlighted made me smile. I love seeing people take care of themselves and being happy all day long! WTG everyone for taking the time and money and energy to experiment, relax, and have fun with your personal style
((((Ny))) I love my Husband too. I dont talke about him. But for a sec I will. ((( YOU ))) DID. I am so proud of you. You've once again inspired me and made me feel not so alone with this different way of life Living with an Alcoholic. Not that its not normal. I know it would be different if he never had the disease. It IS different. Different because he does.
We have found that by setting boundaries and maintaining a respect of each other as individuals we can remain together and love each other as an adult married couple. We have a relationship that is very blessed. That's not to say there are times its like eggshells. I have learned when it is time to detach. I do so with love. The years have only helped us grow and become more loving adults.
His terrible disease is his. He sets his own boundaries with relation to it. As of Today. We remain honest of our boundaries. There is love in our home. Before today? It was One Day at a Time. We make time to talk with one another of good things that are going on in our lives and our families and friends. And have discussions on many things, as adults, especially being honest of any concerns we may have of one anothers daily responsibilites. We make time for this. We have compassion in our lives.
I am a member of Alanon. He respects that decision. My Husband an Alcoholic. I respect his decision. I may not like it I can even hate it.But it is HIS decision.
I am so grateful to be here. I am also very thankful of the most wonderful sponsor one could hope for. I share these things I am writing now with her. I am also trying to focus on helping others that are in situations like mine. I prefer to do so in the fashion I know is best revealing of my program. How it helps me to deal with life at many levels. I now it helps me cope.
What I love most is i constantly reminds there is a power greater than myself (a Higher Power that I choose to call God) there within me to help me to guide the Ship. My Ship.
We live our lives as a married couple that love each other. Each showing respect that we each deserve as caring human beings. "One Day at a Time." Keep Lookin uP!
Dont ask about tomorrow that would be projecting. (())
Love you for your hope and support you give each and everytime I have reached out for it. ((Love You NY)) Keep Looking uP!
I am so happy for you. I am hoping that one day I will be able to say that I am happy again too. I am hoping that with your words, there still is hope for me, even though I feel like there is nothing for me but to let go and move on.
My husband drinks everyday. Starts at about 530 AM and ends when he falls asleep at night. Most nights he doesn't eat dinner. He has lost so much weight and I don't think I can stay and watch him kill himself. We have been married 23 years.
Is there really hope? I feel so helpless and useless. The name calling and the hatred he shows toward me when he is drinking is not bearable anymore. I have made so many excuses for him not going to places or family gathering, parties, events, etc. And then I don't go. I stay home to take care of him.
Please tell me it's not hopeless......right now I am not at home because he was not being very nice, the name calling and the yelling. I left for a while but will go back as usual. So right now I sit here - wondering what I have done so bad in my life to deserve this. I don't have parents, they have both passed on and I don't talk with my siblings (they don't approve of hubby - I choose him).
couple. We have a relationship that is very blessed. That's not to say there are times its like eggshells. I have learned when it is time to detach. I do so with love. The years have only helped us grow and become more loving adults. 
of good things that are going on in our lives and our families and friends.
And have discussions on many things, 
as adults,
especially being honest of any concerns we may have of one anothers daily responsibilites. We make time for this. 
We have compassion in our lives. 
He respects that decision. My Husband an Alcoholic. I respect his decision. I may not like it 
I can even hate it.But it is HIS decision. 
each other. Each showing respect that we each deserve as caring human beings. "One Day at a Time." Keep Lookin uP!
that would be projecting. ((
))
NY)) Keep Looking uP!
- wondering what I have done so bad in my life to deserve this. I don't have parents, they have both passed on and I don't talk with my siblings (they don't approve of hubby - I choose him).