The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Finally went to a face to face meeting as they call it.I haven't been to one in many years.When I did go before I was never really present.I think I was waiting for something to happen,a big change or something,I don't know.All I did back then was criticize in my head and judge.No wonder I was miserable and didn't stay and no wonder I didn't change.
Tonite was so different.Since I started with the online meetings,(been going about a month or so I think) and reading the posts here at MIP, I am already changed.I was immediately comfortable in the meeting.I shared alittle but I wanted to listen and absorb.It was a really good meeting,some people who had been around awhile,lots of es&h.We even talked awhile after.I used to bolt for the door.
I really do think that my HP led me to MIP and back to Alanon.He knows I am not a "people person",at least not now.I have isolated so much with my life revolving around my A husband.Starting with online people sort of eased me into the f2f.(sorry to refer to all of you as 'online people' , sounds funny)
When I got home I think my H expected me to sit and watch tv with him but I came into my bedroom and shut the door and turned on my computer.This morning he left me a note telling me that he is going to see his online girlfriend and meet her in person on Sunday.It's a 12 hour drive so I guess he will actually see her Monday.He's planning to stay in a motel room and come back the next day.Would you believe I actually feel guilty right now for taking care of ME even tho he is doing this.I feel like I should be out there with him keeping him company.Shows just how sick I am.But I am telling myself that I should not feel guilty.He's moved on,I am history.So I need to move on too.I will be glad when this house is sold so we can split the money and go our separate ways.This in between time is rough.That is why I need this program.
Thanks to all of you for being here and sharing your knowedge and strength.
Congratulations on taking that step and going to a f2f. I'm glad you liked it.
Don't feel guilty for taking care of you. You deserve it! You are important and you deserve to be happy. Just admitting that you are sick and need to care for you is a big step towards getting well, being happy and moving on with your life.
Your way of "awakening" is similar to mine. I too went to an Alanon meeting about 5 yrs ago. I couldn't of possibly heard what I think I did..lol I left there thinking they were all a bunch of nuts. Here I am, an Alanut too. Those feelings of guilt are from yrs of living with less. We accepted and expected less for ourselves and that's what we got.
I hope you can look back at this particular situation someday and give a little snicker. Maybe sometime you'll speak at a meeting and say: Before I did the steps, I actually felt guilty not sitting with my A to watch TV even though he just left me a note telling me he was going to meet another woman and drive 12 hours to do it!!!
It's not funny now, but it may be in the future.
Keep coming back and please keep going to f2f's, it can truly change your life.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Way to get back into the program. I have recently split from my H and although not easy, it is less stress and I am not looking back,only forward. I wouldn't have had the strength without my Alanon friends.
Everyday now is a new beginning and I am in charge of my own destiny.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I remember feeling that guilt...but only barely now. At one time it was strong and real because I was taking care of me and not standing by her as she chose to blow up her life. Where did I find the rules to play that game? Anyhow I learned to really love her by accepting everything about her and letting her go to HP along with myself. I didn't hang around for anything special to kick off the change. In fact just trusting and doing, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time (catchy one that one) I started the crooked, winding journey for my life with the support of my HP and this very wonderful family. When's your next meeting?
Way to go, drucilla! I "did" alanon years ago, but didn't get it, Once the A was out of my life, I left alanon. Then I married another A.
I was lead to this board/room in Dec. last year, so I've only been here a few months. But this board and the chatroom helped me heal enough to even face a f2f meeting. By this time, I was wanting to go to a f2f instead of dreading it. This place gave me the strength and courage to go. And I imagined, if I felt so much love here, well, in person it would be just out of this world. And it was.
I am going to my 3rd f2f meeting tonight. I cannot wait. Things have changed a lot here a home since alanon is in my life. Not so crazy, not so tense, even tho my A is still drinking. I am better today.
That's why they say it works if you work it, I guess.
Congratulations, drucilla. You're gonna be just fine!
Love in Recovery,
Becky1
ps--some of the people I know who have met a "special someone" online, have been very disappointed when they met them in person. Your hub's balloon might just get busted.
