The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH has been gone for almost 5 months.I thought this whole time that all I wanted was for him to come back.Well, he called me tonight and said he wanted to come home...his money ran out and low and behold..he needs me..or wants to use me! I thought It would make me happy but I`m depressed...I don`t think I want him back...atleast not yet and not under these circumstances. I`m so confused...anyone else have these mixed emotions??
Of course your confused. You love him and want things to work out, but will they.
I know my husband is always saying he wants to come home, but nothing has changed. He is still drinking, still not working and still not taking responsibility for his action or this family. Why would I want him here? I love him, but do I really wnat him to be here drinking and making the kids uncomfortable and me miserable and making yet more work for me? NO!
I won't tell you what to do. But maybe, and thats a big maybe with his money gone, he will be forced to see what has happened to him. Maybe he will open his eyes. No matter what everything happens for a reason.
You need to worry about what is best for you and your kids. Keep working your program. Keep coming here and keep taking care of you.
Dear alison, We all know what it is like to have mixed emotions, of course! It's part of being human. One thing I have learned in Alanon is to take the time I need to make my own decisions. I learned that by going to face to face meetings, talking at meetings, getting phone numbers and using them, getting a sponsor, and working the steps. I have really learned that my feelings belong to me, and they are part of what I have to listen to when I make decisions. It's difficult to have mixed feelings, but they do need to be "listened" to and honored. Our hearts go out to you. Blessings, mebjk
Hey I am proud of you for figuring it out early. I have been taking mine back for years. I would think ok now he will get a job and go to meetings blah blah.
It did not dawn on me until not long ago, he does not love me, he is using me. Of course I love him, but he does not love me.
The drug and him come first. I am not going to enable him anymore and take care of him when he is broke and sick.
When I do that I am not allowing him the chance to get sick enough to stop using. If I take him in he can recoup some and use more. Seen it several times now.
When he would want to come home, he had finally hit that desperation. Well if I leave him alone maybe he will pick sobriety instead of coming to me to be enabled.
Hate this disease, it can get us at every turn. For me I put up boundaries. He is never coming back, but if I ever thought about it, he would have to have had a good job he liked for a period of time, figure out how to make his own doctor app. go to meetings on his own, eat right, not cuss, not smoke, be compassionate to others, be honest, be stubborn like he used to be, mess up normal stuff, not from the disease....
