too soon ? - Al-Anon Family Group

bill y · Newbie

too soon ?

just me · ~*Service Worker*~

Well I can't tell you what to do. Except to keep coming back here. Get to face to face meetings in your area and take it one day at a time.

Julia

hudsond · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Bill y)))

Congratulations on your hubby being sober. This is definitely a "tricky" and "hard" time for you. I was so excited when my a got out of rehab. You should be proud of him and the work he is doing. Just try to remember this is a disease! He may slip, he may fall, but look at this is a start. Don't forget about yourself. Work your program--al-anon. I get caught up on my a's good days sometimes and end up forgetting it's a disease. Your a may have gotten it, he may not slip, that would be fantastic!!!!! I hope that's what happens. My a was sober for 3 months. I don't want to sound depressing, but he couldn't hold on to what he learned. I was pretty devastated when he fell. He has good days and bad days now. I try to not fixate on it. I try to make sure I am doing what I need to be doing. Read your al-anon literature, go to face to face meetings if you are able!! Keep posting here and whatever your future holds you will be able to make it through! There are some wonderful people here who can help and encourage you!

I wish you peace and joy. Good luck!

Dawn

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Bill y,

Any attempt at sobriety is great! It helps to follow the Alanon principles of taking the focus off of the A and working our own program. This is so we can grow and mature too. All that happens is about the disease of alcoholism and the disease is cunning and insidious. It is not about you. There is always hope. Keep coming back.

In support,

Nancy

confused · Senior Member

What a gift for YOUR recovery. I found that taking the steps I needed to in beginning my own recovery were so much easier when I knew for sure that my A was sober, ie - in rehab, being tested etc... Well that is not the real world, however that time was a gift from my HP to start to focus on me, enough so that once he was out I was able to hold onto enough Al-anon to know that I was not ok, and needed to get the focus totally on me. I faded out a bit, he relapsed, I figure out that I was becoming a mess again but this time I knew where I needed to go - Al-anon had sunk in somewhere in my subconscious. So I came back. I guess what I am trying to say is that when we are unable to focus on the A, let go and let somehow else do that, (our obsession is physically removed from our life just like the alcohol is physically removed while the A is in treatment) we are being given a gift that we may not know how to or be capable of doing on our own. Take this time for you. Work your own program. Get for yourself what you hope and pray the A in your life is getting for himself.

Keep coming and Welcome to MIP.

Lynn

Juster · Veteran Member

For me, I just count any sober day as a good day. Actually, if my AW is drinking and does not get drunk, that is a pretty good day too. I am slowly learning not to have any expectations as it pertains to my A. She did go to AA for a while and stayed completely sober. I was soooo happy at that time. Unfortunately, she slipped back and quit going to her meetings. I now realize that I really am powerless as it relates to this disease, so I just try to enjoy the good days and detach on the bad ones. Coming back again and again to this site has helped me through. Best wishes,

Juster

Robinks · Senior Member

I don't live with alcoholics anymore, but I still have the effects of growing up in an alcoholic home and being married and divorced to one. I am here to support anyone in their dealings with alcholics and learning to take care of themselves. I am still learning to take care of me.

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

Congrats on your family's progress.

All I can say is keep watching the actions and don't get caught up in the talk.

Josey

seachange · Senior Member

Hi Bill y! And welcome to this Al-Anon forum! You have come to a good place where a lot of people will understand what you are experiencing at this stage of your A's and your own recovery. Because it is important to recognise that you will have your OWN recovery to work if you are living with or involved in any way with an A.

It's great that your A has 30 days clean and seems to want to keep at it. I wish him the best, and you too. But it's also a fact that he has to earn your trust, and it's not something that he can put a limit on. Only you can know if he's trustworthy about this. It may take some time, if he's been back and forth on this before.

In the meantime, what you can do for yourself is connect up with others in Al-Anon, and go to meetings in your area, as well as sharing on this forum.

There are many resources out there now, and lots of people who have been or still are where you are right now. It's a great program, and I can tell you honestly--it works if you work it!

Good luck, and keep coming back!

~seachange

bill y · Newbie

Boy you have alot of negative emotions huh. We'll keep praying and hoping that all will work out for us because I do want him home and to finish our lives together.

Jeannie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((bill y)))

Where do you go from here? You take it one day at a time.

It is great that he has 30 days and is working his program. It is also great that he is showing you his progress and how much he loves you.

He needs to be responsible for his own program, but you can have your own as well. Recovery takes work from both of you.

I don't think anyone is being negative, just realistic. An A can slip and they don't always succeed the first time. I truly hope and pray that this is the real thing for him, and that he succeeds. It sounds like he is off to a great start.

The only ones who know when the time is right for him to come home is the two of you. Follow your own hearts and do what feels right. Trust yourself to know what is best.

Love Jeannie

confused · Senior Member

Bill y,

I am sorry that your perception is that of negativity, but I can relate. I am often in the mode of defending myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions... especially where my A is concerned. I am beginning to learn to trust the people my Higher Power is putting in my life to help me find my way.

no situation is really hopeless, and that it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. ...

This is said at meetings and I really did not get it at first and then I realized that the program is not about the alcoholic, it is about me, my recovery and how I can achieve serenity.

So I guess what I wanted you to know that uncomfortable as it may seem, the people here are here to support you in your recovery. This made me mad at first, why in the world did I need to get better, lol, I was not the one with the problem. But as I continued to come, it started to make sense, the fog lifted a little. And I figured that what I had been doing was not working so well for me and these people really did understand where I was coming from, they had ALL been there, yet they were finding contentment, serenity, peace... how did they get it and I WANT it. The answer over and over was the Al-anon program.

Keep Coming, I am so glad you are here.

Lynn

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree I don't think anyone was trying to be negative, it is just in our experiences in our own lives in our Alanon family we didn't want you to think the all the problems were solved just yet.

We pray for all of our lives to be better each and every day we stay in the program, but in reality, even us the sober ones slip in our programs too.

Josey

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge.You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.