The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for 12/10 speaks about how confused we are when we arrive at Alanon. We have trouble with boundaries and seeing which of our behaviors are appropriate and which are not.
The writer's 4th step inventory helped them discover who they were, what their values are, which behaviors they want to keep, and what things they want to change. You can have the courage and faith to be true to yourself.
Today's Reminder: I will remember that knowing my boundaries does not mean forcing others to change; it means that I know my own limits and take care of myself by respecting them. The focus , today, is on me.
Quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce.
I have done the 4th step several times with my sponsor. Learning to truly respect myself was a monumental task. Having some of my behaviors that are good for me, not understood and perhaps even scorned by others, took learning new coping skills. No longer trying to change my A takes constant vigilance. But the end result is that I have a better, more productive, and peaceful life, much of the time. Progress not perfection , ODAT, Lyne
When I first came through these rooms, I had no clue who I was and what boundaries were for myself and for others when I interacted with others
After a few go around with step number four, my best friend, I began to slowly learn who I was and what I was and what I would accept
And what I would not accept. I had difficulties in the beginning establishing my boundaries and offending them in a way that was not aggressive and hostile but yet I wanted to be firm and use some tact, and do that with firmness. It took a lot of trial and error But little by little I learned and I still learn and will learn until I am not breathing anymore. I am no where near where I used to be, thank God , But that said, Im still not where I want to be. This is a journey not a destination and because I truly believe that in my heart, Im not so hard on me when I make mistakes and show imperfection
I have been learning to set boundaries on myself, when I see me pushing me too hard, I have to work on me and do my self talk and deep breathing and say tomorrow we can continue. Because there are times when I do demand too much out of myself, so boundaries apply to me as well. Thank you for your service
So good to see your smiling face again, Betty! Hope those 2 weeks fed your soul!
Thank you Lyne for your service. I am grateful. I have always liked what someone had told me about Step 4: It was like peeling back an onion... layers upon layers are revealed. No one is made up of one layer. Sometimes some layers are harder than others to peel back, but with Progress not Perfection it can be done.
At this moment this morning, I am absolutely LOVING Rose's words about "... boundaries apply to me as well." It seems one of my layers is that I can demand too much of myself. I give others all the breaks/passes in the world, but rarely do I extend that honor to myself!! I am slowly learning that I need gentleness too!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Lyne for the daily, your service and ESH. Thanks to all for the ESH and shares above me.....as with all the steps, each one has a purpose and each time I do it, it doesn't feel like a repeated effort - feels brand new and as a new commitment to self-love and self-care.
Step 4 does give insight to what's well and what's ready for change within. This step and all give me the freedom to know who I am, what my limits are and how to separate me from those I love and those I encounter. It took me a long while to realize I matter, I am loved, lovable, loving and worthy. The best freedom for me is when I can honestly admit I am struggling for any reason at any time, and ask for help...I am so grateful that I accept my humanism, complete with imperfections. It's such a better way to wear the world and all that is.
Happy Monday all - been a service Morning so far - rides to work and a long visit with a program friend who's in a rehab. center after a bad fall last week. We had a mini-meeting, laughed (hurts), talked, chatted, etc. I am doing tacos today for the first time in 3 weeks so next on my agenda is a nap. Take it easy, love yourself and trust the best is yet to come!! That's my motto today!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
