The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I Remember when I Landed here 10 yrs ago, I was coming to save my Baby brother from this disease, after just losing my Afather to it... I am the Older sister, so in my Family I was more of a Mother to him then his Sister, (I'm 6 yrs older) and as Children in our alcoholic home, My Mom worked anywhere from 3-4 jobs to keep food on the table since my Afather was not a provider At All When they split...So he and I had Plenty of alone time together...
He was the baby... However he Never had Dad in his Life, he was barely 3 when mom left, so he didn't form a relationship with Dad till he was Old enough to sit on the bar stool next to him, and shortly after Dad Died from his Disease...
I Was the Fixer, the Boo Boo Fixer, the Excuse maker, I Spoke to his Teachers about his Grades, took him to school and Walked him down the halls to make sure he didn't skip, did his Laundry, and Made sure he left the house Looking Presentable and also the Smooth it all over so Little brother don't have to suffer, and the one that Latched him by the Shirt Collar when he Stepped into trouble... I had many Roles, and I Forced Many Insane things his way with trying to Control him and his Actions...Too Which of Course I Failed Miserably...
My Brother Looks Like My Mom's Family, but for Some reason... God Gifted him My Afathers Laugh (Which you can Feel in your Soul), Dad's Disease (Like all 5 Siblings), and his (Roller Coaster) Personality... Which at times Can be Very Demanding, yet the First one to Wrap his Arms around you if you just need that Hug, or Love, and he is the First one to Cry with you if you Need that too...
Well since I Started this Journey, and Started to Remove (SLOWLY) My Grip on Him, and Allowing him to be who he is while Trying to figure out Who I am... I Recently realized the SHIFT...
My Brother has not had a Drivers License since he was 17yrs old.. "Alcohol Accidents" (3) by the time he was 20... And I would Resent having to haul him around, and always cater to him, and I can Honestly say, Al-Anon Showed me it was Not for me to do, if it was going to cause Resentments, then Maybe I Just needed to Back away, and Set Boundaries... And the first 6yrs, at least... I didn't DO Anything for him, I Said No, and Let it go...
My Brother now has a Son that's a Senior in High School, and My Family has Always Rallied around the Kids in Support... Well I'm now at a place of PEACE, when it comes to my Brother, If I'm Going to My Nephews Football game, and "I Have the time" I Will send my Brother a Message and see if he needs a Lift! I Ask him Now! Because I have Learned thru Working on Me... I Truly do want a Solid Relationship with my Brother... But Also...
Selfishly maybe at times, Having him around... Reminds me of Having My Dad Back, the Good Parts... We went to a Football game last week, we was together just him and I for about 6hrs. till we grabbed a bite to eat before the game, drove an hour away to watch it, and I Came home tho Tired, I was On Cloud Nine...
To Hear My Fathers Laugh that just Brings SO Much Joy, and To See the Shine in My Brothers eyes when his Boy is on the Field Loving Football, and to See his Caring Heart regardless of his Disease, Is Something Only Al-Anon could have led me too...
Before this Program, I was So Wrapped in "Poor Woo is Me" and Resentments that I Figured I Would just have to have the Rest of My Life... I can Honestly say that they have Lifted... I Don't LOVE the life my Brother Chose, However... I Once said, "I want my Baby Brother Back!" Turns out he was there all along... All I had to do was Accept him where he is... I don't have to Like it, I don't have to have an Opinion of his Choices, I don't have to be his Mother... I Have Finally got to a place of Comfort and Love, I have Finally got to place where I can Love him where he is and Just BE his Sister...
At this Game (Other Family Showed up) and I Took A lot of Pics... But the One I Cherish the Most, which is Going on my Wall...Isn't of my Nephew Playing Football, but the one of my Baby Brother, Holding Our Great Nephew on his Shoulders at the sidelines, Being a Proud Father, yet a Loving Uncle... God Gave me the Biggest Gift that Day! and That Gift was Seeing My Baby Brother Thru His Eyes, and not the Tainted Eyes of Our Past...
I have Accepted He May Never Change... But I have Also Accepted... Maybe One day he too will find what I have found, and see in Himself, what I Hope to Mirror for him... Sobriety... I don't Expect it, but I Willing to Allow HP to Show me the Way to Love him Through it...
Thanks for Letting Me Share... For as I Grow in my Program, it has Also Opened me up to Grow in an Even Deeper Love of those that sit in this Disease as Human Beings... Struggling to Find their Way...
(((Jozie))) - great share and I am so grateful you shared. It's lovely to hear the miracle of recovery and even more wonderful and humbling to witness it. Unconditional acceptance and love is the greatest gift we get from solid recovery. Enjoying what is vs. wanting what is not has been lifted for me too! And - I also hold onto HOPE always as we never, ever know what miracles might happen next.
I value all people no matter what. I learned that in recovery - we are all imperfectly perfect and that's how it's supposed to be!
Thank you for your ESH!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
What an honest, powerful look into your life!
Thank you for sharing such a positive outcome of working this program.
Peace
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you All So Much, You have all Been Such a Blessing in my Continued Recovery :)
Iamhere I have (2) Quotes that Hang in my Bathroom 1. Be Imperfectly Perfect & 2. One Day at a Time :) They are My Gentle Reminders Daily... I Love it :)
Temple... Thanks so Much, I Cherish you & your Recovery as well :)
P&P... Thank you :)
Serenity... Thank you, I Try to Count My Blessings Daily so As Not to Forget they are there :)
Hotrod... Thank you So Much... You have always been a True Blessing in my Recovery :)
Grateful always for Loving Caring Recovery Family I Couldn't do it without All of You :)
Jozie - Since I struggle with perfectionism in myself, I love that you have "Be Imperfectly Perfect" hanging in your bathroom. A daily affirmation! I think I am going to look for something like this! Thanks for the idea!
Peace
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
