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I went to my h's lawyer today. She informed me he was filing for divorce, not a separation, which was news to me. I also found out that I won't be able to afford my own lawyer either. That sucks. I talked with him tonight but we didn't get anywhere. He said he's going back on friday to pay her to file the paperwork. I can't do this again.
I've been divorced once before. I didn't love him and I left. No kids, pretty easy divorce. But it left me a broken mess. This time it's the other way around. And we have 2 kids. I'm going to fall apart, I can't even type this without crying. I don't know how we're going to tell the kids or when. I can't type anymore, I have to go. Sorry.
(((cabma))) I am so sorry you feel so bad right now. Rejection sucks. Even if it is being rejected by someone we have wanted to reject ourselves. Sometimes I think it comes down to pride and who rejects who first. You can make it thru this one day at a time. don't get ahead of the calendar. Hug those kids. keep posting. we are here for you to vent. take care- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
I went through this a year and a half ago. I felt the same way. If anyone had told me I would be happier alone with joint custody I would have never believed it. It takes awhile and alot of tears and prayers. Keep coming back here and take it easy. One day at a time. One thing at a time and you will make it.
sometimes it is easier for them to walk away then deal with the real problem. Do what is right for you and your children. :) There is a bright side coming, just try to take one day at a time and if you have to one minute at a time works too...
I went through a similiar situation too with my ex-wife. She chose to leave, she filed. And she had the lawyer. I felt those feelings of pain and rejection too. With the help of this wonderful program and by doing a lot of praying I made it through. It wasnt easy, but it was very bearable as long as I remembered to share my feelings with my Al-anon family and receive their loving understanding and support.
I did it, just as so many others here have....so can you. Keep coming and sharing...there is hope here.
And like Julia, I am a much happier, healthier person today. I wouldn't go back to my old life now if I could.
(((()) Cabma keep posting here to us and tell us what you are feeling inside. There is so much esh here for you. Take one day at a time, everyday you get through is a huge achievement. LUv Leo xx
I'm so sorry for the pain and anguish you are going through.
I had hodgkins disease years ago, went through 8 mo of grueling chemo. It was nothing like the emotional pain of my current divorce.
Stay strong, take care of yourself and children, they need you.
The emotional pain of rejection, broken trust, betrayal is heartbreaking , wrenching. I know it does not feel like it now, however it can get better in time. I'd imagine some days it might even be difficult for you to get out of bed. Let alone try to function with even a small bit of normalcy. It does get better.
I wandered around for weeks everything spinning around in my head. I HAD to get up to feed my horses. I Thank my Higher Power everyday for my 4 legged angels.
Please keep posting here as leo mentioned, vent, vent, vent.
I hope you are able to find legal aid, or maybe an attorney that will take your case for free. Pro Bono I think. It is imperative you understand your rights and what you are entitled to according to the laws in your area.
I wish my husband would leave me. It sure would be easier I think then for me to find the courage to leave him. Some days I feel really strong & think "Yes I can do this!" But then other days I feel very very weak & full of doubts & think "What if he really means it this time & is going to get clean?" All the while I know I am fooling myself but can't seem to admit it.
Hence my name QOD - Queen Of Denial - yep that's me. The Supreme Queen!
Hang in there. Keep your chin up and keep coming back here for the support everyone here is so great in giving. God Bless You.
Cabma, my prayers are with you...I have been married 4 times before, and I always was the one to leave. Now, I am married to the love of my life, and he sometimes threatens me with divorce. He even left dissolution papers on the kitchen table one day not long ago. I was losing it....I don't want a divorce this time. The pain of rejection is the worst pain I've ever felt.
Keep coming back here, you will find understanding. You will find love here when you cannot love yourself. Venting on this board and in the chatroom helps me keep (or gain, rather) some sanity in the midst of all this chaos I call my life.
I think it is a good sign that you came to this Board for support. And look at all of the responses, all the love, all the support being sent your way. I didn't have al anon when I went through this in my life.
Most states have some form of legal aid, legal assistance ... either a local or a statewide nonprofit that is funded (in part) by the Legal Services Corporation. Maybe that bit of info will help you link to your state legal assistance group. Or google "(your state) Bar Association" and there should be a phone number you can call and they can tell you the state "Legal Services" organization or "Equal Access to Justice" group. You may end up making a few calls, but it will get you to where you need to be. I've really tried on this Board not to give advice, but the court system does not make decisions based on al anon detachment. So, please forgive me. If you get through to some legal assistance office, and if you only have limited time with an atty you'll want to figure out your questions, prioritize them. The first one that comes to my mind is that if there are assets that allows your H to have an atty, why, as his wife, aren't part of those assets available to you for your own representation? Or phrased differently, what do you need to do legally so that those funds are available to you -- and how can you find an able atty to help you to do so?
OK, I believe you can take it from there. Who am I kidding, you probably knew all this stuff already! Gee, can you tell, this is my trigger issue?!
Take care. And keep coming back. You are not alone. Al anon is here for you.
