I have not been on the board for a bit, but its now 6 months since the active alcoholic bf left the house, he insisted no one will take him out off. He was absolutely sure that none will remove him from this house he is attached to. The police removed him and he suddenly moved to another province. I am in Canada. He moved 14 hours away and claims to be sober and has been for the past 3 to 4 months. How long will the sobriety last? I have no idea, all I care about is he does not bother me. I tolerated his drunken, abusive behavior for to long, years in fact-3 years almost. What a terrible time I endured. Despite, him not having contact with me and me not having contact with him, he has my phone number and I have his, I miss him terribly still. I miss the good man that he is, the sober, sane one. I think about him every single day and my heart hurts still so bad. He had been criminally charged for assault on me and was recently found not guilty in court.  I am still trying to come to acceptance with that. I miss him but I do not need him in my space. 

Last week, I called him as I miss him terribly. He sounded sane and happy. He claims, he is trying to move forward with his life and wants to buy property where his is at and will not ever move back to the province I am in. He also sounded stressed out about his finances. There is nothing I can do about it. Nothing. I have my own financial struggles I am trying to address. I asked him about what he wants to do with his belongings that still remain in the house and he said its all garbage and he does not want them. Then I asked about his car that he left here and he said in August his son will be stopping by to pick up the car. He had come back to the house June 7, 2018 for court and he came to the house for the weekend. I left as I could not be around him and I was very upset by the not guilty verdict. I knew I had to remove myself from his presence as I would say or do something that could make the situation even worse. We had a good heart to heart talk on Sunday when I returned to the home and he took a van full of his personal belongings with him back to where he is living, in a tailor park, in a warm place. He says he is sorry and the departure was very, very sad. I cried and cried my eyes out as I love this man and had dreams that turned into a nightmare. 

Now, the battle continues with him, over the house and what needs to be done about it. He wants to sell it and pay off his debt and he is pressuring me badly to make a decision about either buying him out of the house or selling it. The pressure is killing me. I have asked him what to do about his belongings and all he says is its garbage. I am angry that he just gets to walk away and leave me to clean up the house and get it ready for sale should I decide that is the route I have to take if I can not get a mortgage in my name. I am angry that he says I may be back in July, maybe in August depending on finances and he gets to just walk free and leave me behind to clean up the mess, his mess. I have been trying to make a decision on the house and what to do about it. I have to make a decision soon and I have been going back and forth, sell the house and get it over with and another part says, stay. I am so confused. I have to get my income taxes done for 2017, as that is another matter that still remains unresolved. I am waiting on paperwork and once that is done, I can move forward with that. I expect the paper work to be in the mail soon. I am angry, angry and very angry, as he says once thing and does another. I have no trust in what he says in any way.

Regarding the house, that is in both of our names, he says you give me an offer and get yourself a mortgage and buy me out or we sell the house. I am so rattled as I have such fears that I will not be able to get a mortgage and I will be forced out of the house in the middle of winter. The fears I have are killing me. I fear he will come back with a court order and kick me out of the house. I fear, he will force this house into foreclosure as he has a second mortgage on the house and will not pay it and force the house into foreclosure. I have been paying the mortgage on this house for the past 6 months on my own. I feel so alone dealing with all this. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel angry at myself for believing in a dream that I can own a house on my own. i FEEL ANGRY! I feel angry! I am so angry! I just want to give up and say, sell the house, get it over and done with and I will move into an apartment. I feel so hurt that he just gets to walk away and leave me with this mess to deal with on my own. He offers no help or desire to help. He just wants to be free and live his life as she chooses. I know I have no control over it, but I am so overwhelmed with this whole process. He says, give me an offer on the house as a buy out. He is not there to help at all. I am angry, angry, angry. 

I need help with this mess so bad and I have no idea what to do. I am so overwhelmed and angry! I hurt too. I hurt as I miss him so bad and I want him back in my life as well, now that he is sober. I am struggling so bad. I am angry that he gets to just walk away and start a new life and not care that I am struggling. I am angry that he is not helping me and I have no help with this with trying to get a new mortgage. I am angry that he does not care and is stressing me out about selling the house asap, as he needs the money to get on with his life. I had not been able to deal with this house matter before as I was focused on the court case. I am now being pressured big time by him and that scares me. I spoke with my older sister and she said, do not have contact with him until you have made a decision and all your matter addressed. I am taking her advice. I want to talk to him but why, as I only hear about how he is struggling financially and how he needs to have the house matter addressed ASAP. I feel so stressed by the pressure he is placing on me. I feel I can not think straight. I am so in desperate need of higher power help. I have prayed and prayed and cried out to god to help me, help me, help me as I am feeling like the pressure he is putting on me is enough to drive me over the edge of sanity. I am not sure what kind of game he is playing, but I do not believe anything he says. Maybe reality has hit him finally and I feel what he says is so all over the place. He says this and that and this and that and I know its not my business what he does but my head is spinning under the pressure I am under and the pressure he is putting me under.   

Had to share this and vent my anger!