The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
it has been a while since I posted, I have been trying to get to more f2f meetings and working on things day to day. My A is still home and has 103 days clean. He has been working his program, me mine. He has been out of work since leaving rehab, taking care of things around the house. I didn't realize it was happening, but I guess I got comfortable. I was happy with him home, without money or job....it kept him safe and controlled. I didn't even realize I felt this way...until yesterday the day before he started his new job. I was very emotional. I couldn't understand why....and then it hit me...he's going out into the world again. Money, freedom, people I don't know.....and there it was all in one big rush......WHAT IF (enter behavior here).....it took a while for me to realize it. I had a bit of a tantrum first about something totally unrelated.....my A handled me quite nicely....and eventually I took myself on a bike ride and cleared my head. Thought about it....put it in perspective. Fear. Fear of the unknown. It was back again. And then the guilt. Not being able to be happy for him.
The benefit of how things are now with my A is that communication is much better. We have agreed to set aside soem time each night to talk about how we are feeling. And we've done that. Tonight he had to go to a company event and at first I was nervous....but instead I am going to take it one day at a time...concentrate on me and work on this......thnaks for listening.
It feels nice to get comfortable. I think we all tend to get a little panicked when we relinquish control. We worry what if.
Don't be hard on yourself. Keep busy doing something for you, while he is at the function and pray that his HP guides him. If they are going to drink or use, they will do it not matter what we do.
I too have a control issue. If he is out and i know that he is drinking i worry about how he will get home. I use to call 500 times of course he wouldnt answer but that didnt stop me from calling. I am really trying to release control. My A works however, i take care of the bills. My next step is to recommend we divide the bills and he get his own account. That is a huge step for me as I have ALWAYS paid the bills, written all of the checks and taken care of everything... I figure, now it is his turn to pitch in. I think it is really good that you recognize it is your issue and now you can deal with it..
Congratulations, I am really glad that things are working out for you.
Good for you Kim, great growth on your part.... Yep, it kinda sucks when we have to accept and learn that the world not only CAN continue without our intimate intervening, it actually DOES, lol...
Good for you in confronting those fears for what they are, and sharing about them...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
