Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Dancer66 · Veteran Member

any quick fixes for the anxiety ?

Freetime · ~*Service Worker*~

Dancer, I wish I had an answer for you. I know how difficult this is. I had sleepless nights, too, listening to sounds and being anxious about what might happen. At one point. I went to a hotel for three nights so I could catch up on my sleep. One thing that helped a bit was to think about the next thing I was going to do to help myself, like seeing a therapist or researching whether or not it was feasible for me to move out. Thinking of an action plan seemed to help.

I'm so sorry. You may be sleepless, but you are not alone.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Dancer))) - I too know how difficult this is and I also had no easy answers. I do know that reading literature and putting on music with earbuds were helpful. I also have spent countless hours praying and meditating and instead of counting sheep, I repeat the Serenity Prayer over and over again until I fall asleep. I love the slogan - This too shall pass - as it's been very true in my life, program and experience.

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Dancer-I don't think there is a "quick fix" for anxiety and other problems brought up by living with an alcoholic. But the good news is that consistent participation in alanon over time, helps a whole lot. I'm living proof of the lessening of all negative emotions I was struggling with, by going to face-to-facing meetings, getting a sponsor, readings, and using the board. It sounds like a lot of work and it is! I never intended to get involved with anything but this board but I stayed so miserable. Combining all the resources available to me have brought me a much better life. Keep coming back, Lyne

Bo · ~*Service Worker*~

Dancer66 wrote:
So I am really trying to work on things, go to meetings, vent here.... but what can I do to immediately know out the anxiety, obsessive thoughts etc when he drinks and gets loud and then I can't concentrate. So not like I haven't used up energy--worked at the hospital for 6 hours. then did gym for 2 hours, made dinner, answered emails. was fine watching TV until he started drinking and then started moving about into different rooms. I would love to be able to just make myself go to sleep and block him out--but I can't. I find myself perseverating on how much I hate his drinking, mad that I can't be comfortable in my own house, etc. I just want to be "knocked out" and get to sleep and wake up tomorrow. I just took Ativan but it takes a LOT to get me to calm down to the point of being able to just relax. WHY can't I just relax? If I were an alcoholic I would drink--Ha Ha. But what do non drinkers do? I have tried the mental exercised of putting the worries in a jar, closing lid, etc... not helping. progressive relaxation not helping.
I've retreated to the bedroom but can still hear him. Hoping he takes note I went to bed and he will sleep out in from room.
Any tips how to tune out the other person????

For me, when physical detachment did not work, because my wife would just go from room to room to room, follow me, etc. -- I had to try other physical detachment. I left the house. I went to the library, went to a friend's house, went to a Starbuck's, and so on and so on. Being resentful for having to do so is another story, and it's another issue, another conversation. The first issue was me getting away from this nonsense and BS, and me getting a little better! The fact that I had to leave my own house is another issue. Solve the first problem first my sponsor told me.

Keep it simple.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

My oldest suffers from debilitating anxiety in the past and what I can share is that gratitude lists (A-Z) help distract the obsessive thoughts long enough to find something else to think about. Look up on YouTube "mindfulness", that has helped them a great deal in letting go of what they can't control. Taking a 5 min walk can help ease the anxiety although I understand getting out of the house can be challenging in those moments. We are fortunate enough to live next to a golf course that has some nice outdoor trails.

Just an observation with my oldest is that the anxiety has been based around the unknown and the anxiety is a response to this feeling of helplessness. It has helped him to step back and do a conscious list of a practicing step 1. I am powerless over and learning to trust that the outcome is going to be what it's going to be. It also helps to stay directly in today not go back it .. and sometimes that is an exercise in just getting through min by min .. sometimes it's further out.

I know from time to time I have some anxiety issues that I was totally blissfully unaware of .. lol .. when I start to feel it creep up I just focus on the immediate moment until that feeling passes. The gratitude lists work wonders, it's enough of a shift in my brain to allow me to get off the hamster wheel.

Hugs S :)

ling · Veteran Member

Hi don't know what to say but it's great to know that ur not alone. I know that I should go to al anon to get a sponsor (haven't found one yet) that I can talk to whenever I need to.

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Dancer)))

Oh I Know this one too... And I have Tried Many Methods as well, and the Tools are Here, but Finding the Fit for that Moment was always tricky for me... I've had Many Moments as you mention where my Only focus was: if they Only Did THIS_____ I Could have a Nice Night for a Change! Or Felt My Anxiety would Eat me Alive... And After Much Work, and Many Meetings, I Found Many things to Help me with My anxiety, do I have Moments of Panic, Absolutely But, When I Practice these things, Even When NOT In a Panic... It has Helped, My Brain Some time Can hit Overdrive Quite Quickly, and Sometimes a "Pause" Button Can get me back to where I Need to Be :)

My Mini List... lol :D

* Pray For Them
* Step One... Step Two... Step Three = "I Can't, He Can, I Have to Let Him!"
* Take a Walk, (I Had No Idea How In Love I Was With Walking Till Al-Anon Told me I Could!)
* Reminding Myself "I'm Worthy Of Quiet time, Play Time, Happiness And Peace" (I Didn't know that was Permitted Either) Sometimes Making Sure to Repeat that Daily when Times are Hard
* Grabbing My Camera, and Taking Pictures of Nature, and When I Get home, I Made time to Admire them and God's Beauty!
* Wrote My Gratitude List
* Turning Off All Contact with Anyone (Electronically or Otherwise) For One Whole Hour, No Exceptions... (I Love that one too)
* Closing My Eyes, And Taking Slow Deep Breathe, Focusing Only on My Breathe In & Out Till the Obsession/Panic Stopped
* I Still Repeat the Serenity Prayer Every Night when My Head Hits the Pillow and I Continue it till I'm Sound Asleep :)
* I Birdwatch Now...lol Gives me a Focus I Can do From My Porch, and I Love Learning about them :)
* The Slogans Where Huge for Me.. "This too Shall Pass" Carried me Through Much anxiety Moments

I Hope you Will Find Something Helpful to Add to Your Al-Anon Tool Box...

Glad your Here

Jozie

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Dancer...

...I can answer that one...

I just stretch out on the couch- like an old cat... and I breath.

Sounds simple- too simple... in the beginning I just wanted to get up and do something...

but breathing is something- it is the first thing we do when we enter this world- after all...!

The very first thing to do- is to reach out to other people- and you have just done that! Thanks... smile ...

Dancer66 · Veteran Member

Thank you all. you don't know how much your support and encouragement helps.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene