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Just thought I would jot down a few words today. I am not feeling very well spritually or emotionally. I am really trying to get out of debt (a HUGE problem for me)...has been since I am 14 yrs. old. It seems like everytime I make a step or two (like everything else in my life)...the disease rears its ugly head and says "hello, remember me? I am still here"....and on and on and on it goes until I am feeling like 'crap', which I am right now.
I feel like I never will get out of this position. This has to be one of the most difficult addictions that I have had to deal with. On top of it all...my taxes will be coming in from my accountant andI ALWAYS have to pay....and I just know it will be a HUGE amount that I have to fork over...which makes me extremely angry and rageful. I am really feeling downbeat right now. I couldn't even stay in the meeting this morning. I am home so am able to sit here and write on this board. I just couldn't get myself up and to work. My job is such that I only get paid if I go in to work....when I am out I don't get paid.
Hopefully within the next 20 mos or so I will be able to retire so keep me in your prayers because I am very tired of all this....the noise, the people, the cars....I live in NY so you can just imagine the closeness and noise of it all.
Anyhow, thanks for listening to my groaning and complaining. Just needed to 'vent'....I love u all much. Scamper
Hi Scamper! (love the name!). I can relate so strongly to your fears and depression about money, and have struggled with these same issues a good bit of my life--still do, but it's getting better. Some things that helped me were:
~keeping a spending record (it's a very empowering thing because YOU are in charge!)
~going to Debtor's Anonymous for a while
~reading books or listening to tapes by people like Jerrold Mundis who wrote "How to get out of debt, stay out of debt and live prosperously for the rest of your life".
There are tips and things to learn that if someone like me can pick up and practice, I would say ANYONE can! (I learned absolutely nothing about money-management from my A Dad and my years in an orphanage. I was terrified by money matters and hid or threw away bills for many years! Not to mention the shopaholic part! Now known as "retail therapy--don't you love it?!)
Do one small thing to get control of this for youself, Scamper, and you'll feel better!
I can relate to your share a lot. I can also relate to the feelings of tremendous rage and fear. I also attend da and find it very helpful. I know that I do not have to pay all my debt today and that da as well as this program is focused on me taking care of myself.
I am so sorry you see life as a burden. I can do that very quickly as I learned that stance from my mother who deprived herself till she died. Oddly enough my mother who refused to give herself heat left lots of money to my elder sister. That issue of the legacy/will took up a lot of my time for a long time. These days I would have prefered that my mother took care of herself rather than inflict her pain, rage, deprivation on me. That would have been a better legacy for me than the one she left.
I think da as well as al-anon can take a while to feel the effects of. I have been going to da for about 3 years now solidly and find that it is hard to come up with some issues and other things get easier. I do talk about my issues of taking care of myself there a lot and that helps a great deal. I also have recovery partners there who I talk to about certain core work issues.
My a has many many financial problems. I no longer try to take them on. I used to spend more time trying to get him to be functional and not regard my own functionality as an issue. I think it can be very hard to live around someone who is not taking care of themselves in that regard either.
I know the feeling of stuggling, making a tiny bit of progress, and then the rug being tugged just enough to make me lose my balance. Coming here helps me regain my balance.
Keep coming back.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Hi Dolphin: I love 'dolphins'....they are so wonderful and 'smart'. Thank you for your support. I love this place. Such wonderful, loving people. I am feeling a bit better, and a bit more hopeful. At least for the moment I am ok.
Dear Maresie: Thank you so much for sharing some of your experience and strength with me re this financial problem I am dealing with.
Right now I am feeling better and not so 'burdened' with this life and the mess with money that I find myself in. I did go out and have breakfast with my husband and just taking that small action got me out of myself.
The suggestion of going to DA is a good one, and I am considering it. You sound like you are getting this 'thing' under control, and no longer allowing 'it' to control you. That gives me hope that I can do the same.
Have a good day, and thanks for being here for me. XOXO, Scamper
Hi Scamper hugs from Australia. If you have a shopping basket full of debt try and deal with one at a time. You will get satisfaction knowing that you have achieved your goal of paying it off. Lots of great info from other posts here. Most institutions will be patient if you can show that you are making some effort to clear the debt. This too shall pass. LUv Leo xx
I think financial problems are happening to so many people, including myself. It is a very depressing situation to be in, but I have been handling it much better than I ever have before in my life. I just know my HP, whom I choose to call God, will work it out as long as I am trying and trusting Him for it. I find that fretting about it, just makes things worse. Please know that you are not alone and you will be in my prayers. Keep a smile on your face and a song in your heart. It will get better.........on day at a time. I remind myself of that daily! I hope you are feeling much better, by now.
