Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

MizzB · Senior Member

Quick question

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

Good question Mizz...

In my early days before Alanon I did seek help. Actually, from the age of 17.

Today I am med free, at the age of 67. this was a goal for me- very hard won.

Alanon gave me a lot of stability and still does. I joined another self help group 6 years ago- and this gave me a lot of concentrated help.

I approached this group with stuff I missed out on- in the treatment centre in my country- which is now closed.

I am always mindful of Tradition 10 on outside issues. I believe this applies to Alanon as a whole. It is about Alanon policy, which I hold dear.

But inside of that I believe that our individual opinions count for a lot. Most of us have not had a place where we can express these- in our family situation.

So ou question, Mizz, was a welcome one for me... aww ... thanks... smile ...

MizzB · Senior Member

Thank you David and congrats on being medication free. From what I know, once you start it can be very hard to come off them which is why I'm reluctant. My depression issues are very much situational and at the moment "moderate" (and I've been more than moderate before to a point where medication did save my life I believe, many years ago now.) I'm a little reluctant because I've tried some online listening rooms and they are all about what am I going to do in relation to the boyfriend and his drinking and can I do things to stop him drinking which is well meaning but shows little understanding of the disease. I know what you mean when tyou talk about the Alanon principles. I feel for my own personal issues I'd like to try CBT but I'm not sure whether I want more person-centered therapy where I can just vent. I might talk to a friend who is training in person-centred and give her a case study to write about for her course!

Freetime · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi MIzzB, I found individual therapy very helpful at various points in my life, including facing alcoholism in my family. I'm not sure what type of therapy it was... but I did find the therapists were aware of Al-Anon, thought highly of it, and were glad to hear I was participating in it. In fact, I gave them some Al-Anon outreach pamphlets and they were thrilled to have them.

The therapists never suggested medication to me. They were also good at not giving "advice," just like Al-Anon. They might say, "What some people do is ... " or "Have you tried... " but were not directive. I found it a great combination with Al-Anon. The therapists I've seen for any length of time were all good fits for me. But now I am aware that if I didn't feel one therapist was right for me, I could say "thanks and goodbye" to them and try another one.

Best of luck!

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Mz B,

I am a firm believer that while alanon is a great program of recovery there are things that do need to be worked through with a therapist. You know you best and where you are at in your own healing.

I went to trauma therapy along with alanon and my sponsor encouraged me to do so because I was dealing with some hard core issues that she was more than happy to listen to she had not experienced these things so it was more about bridging the gap. I know I can't fix my own broken mind with my own broken mind .. as well as I can be back to day one of walking through the doors on a really bad day. So it's really important to have good solid feedback and while people have back grounds in social work or whatever Alanon is not comprised of mental health professionals .. it is comprised of people who have gotten through tough situations through varying means of program and non program taking what they like and leaving the rest.

Big hugs,

S :)

PS - finding someone who is supportive of alanon and addiction/trauma issues is a big one .. I was very lucky my last go around and got someone who was open on many sides. I would not have gotten through what I did with just a sponsor/alanon the same way I wouldn't have gotten through with just a therapist.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

I too have had mixed results - individual therapy was good....family/couples - not so much so. Most likely, the difference had everything to do with willingness and honesty. Both of my kids have had therapy and it's not easy to find a good fit at times. If you do decide to seek help, I encourage you to get some references in the hopes of finding a good fit sooner rather than later. I am no expert but do know that most certified as addiction counselors often have more insight into the how the disease affects the family - reaches beyond the drinker/addict.

I am blessed that my sponsor is a retired counselor. It was difficult in the beginning as she was almost too gentle when I was in need of some tough love!!! But our relationship has blossomed and I gave her permission to set aside her therapy language and just say what she sees. This has worked really well for me and I actually called her a week/so ago and told her I was being crazy and shared. We laughed as it was a whole chaotic 'scene' and truly only in my mind....

Sending you some positive energy and support - if you are considering it, why not give it a go? There is never any shame in self-care that intends to help us go forward! (((Hugs)))

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I decided counselling wasn't for me when I found alanon. I didn't want to get confused with other ideas and I made a commitment to practice the alanon program and it required my full participation and I trusted it with my life. Just my own take on it But I firmly believe alanon has everything I need for all areas of my life past and present.

Skorpi · ~*Service Worker*~

I've tried individual therapy before and during AlAnon. For me, the individual therapy works with the right therapist. I have had individual therapy that has not worked because the therapist wasn't right for me before and during my AlAnon program work. And, I've had fantastic experiences with the right therapists as well. For me, AlAnon works all the time, individual therapy is a bit of a roll of the dice, because so much of the experience depends on who my assigned therapist is.

Bo · ~*Service Worker*~

When speaking about psychologists, there are many different types, disciplines, schools of thought, etc. When talking to people who are looking for a therapist/psychologist, I never hear them inquire or do due diligence as to what type of therapist/psychologist are they. I just find that interesting.

That said, yes, there are types of therapists/psychologists who are familiar with and embrace 12-step programs. Some disciplines of psychology address, discuss, and offer teachings on 12-step programs. Thus, there are therapists/psychologists who know it, embrace it, etc.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

This is a great post and very realistic I believe from where I came from, what happened and what I needed to learn in order to bring myself into the sanity realm. "Take what you like and leave the rest" was good instruction for me when I reached the doors of Al-Anon. Practice, practice, practice also and all of the other principles we get to practice. I learned early on from the definitions of various practices that Al-Anon and AA and such are social model recovery programs meaning those who have been affected and healed because of participation in certain and various practices with others who have been affected and healed. I was a rational thinker and so that made sense to me even through I tried often to distance myself from the program and our fellowship. I resisted differences until I could no longer and then started taking what I liked and leaving the rest.

I am no longer a practicing therapist. My practice was as a behavioral health therapist I didn't fool around with other peoples minds just their behaviors which was what was causing them pain and trouble. I hardly ever got into trouble for what I thought. It was when I transferred thoughts into actions that got me the chaotic consequences no matter how they were manifested in my actions. I was deemed crazy for what I did and not what I thought. The difference between, "That's crazy" and "You are crazy" told me a lot so I went to work on altering my behaviors in my life, my actions and reactions to what was going on around me.

I went to college to learn about alcoholism...thoughts, feelings and behaviors...inventoried my own to determine which ones were giving me the most problems and learning their opposites in order to practice those. I practiced lots of stuff I didn't agree with, with the willingness to try and in the process became a therapist and watch how others did with healing behavioral health.

My own therapists asked me at times to help them and of course that was the admission that we are all human and at times need help and support from other humans just like the 12step recovery programs.

The best and most effective tool is inventorying....getting to know who I am and what I do and why I do what I do and how I want my life to go. I was taught to stand back away from "my picture" and to look at it as a mural seeing the parts which were good and also the parts that could be better along with what I would change and the willingness to do that. I learned from my sponsors and therapists that I would need to take time along with constant practice in order to become "different". Today I am different ...just different, not perfect and I like the differences as others do also. My parents and family have noticed the differences and remarked favorably about them I give a lot of consideration to the women of Al-Anon along with the other methods I used because they taught me to get in touch with my female side (LOL). My cave man side was very unacceptable and often dangerous. I am far from perfect and that wasn't the motivation in the first place...different and acceptable to my Higher Power and others was and I am getting there...one step and day at a time. Mahalo for the support (((((hugs))))) smile

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

Therapy is a tough one for me as I like to call it counseling. It goes better for me. I know that when I focus on me the need for counseling is very minimal. When I consider couples counseling I have a different perspective. I was fortunate that I found 3 at least that knew something about program stuff like the use of the serenity prayer in our meetings, etc. One of them were actually sober recovering alcoholic. He never once did anything that jeopardized my recovery. He was very open w/ his long-standing sobriety. One of the other ones who was how should I call it, different. She even told me that she had a different kind of way of therapy. She said it on the phone right away. That was not my most successful client/counselor experience.

Today I am learning to accept the relationship I have w/ my current counselor. She actually really upset me once & I called her a very special name as you can imagine. God has a sense of humor because we are on better terms & I did an amends w/her. We have an understanding. Come to think about it, I was in a place w/ my father's death coming & not feeling secure.

I am not required to go but I do out of necessity mostly. Lately it has been necessary.

That is all I can say from experience.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene