The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the decision making process and its difficulty for some of us. The writer describes an uncomfortable situation when a group conscience decision is being made, and how decisions in general have been difficult because of the extremes learned as a child (father made all decisions, mother was subservient).
I have noticed that I can be extreme with decisions as well- I either feel I know exactly what I need to do next, or I deliberate and ruminate and stew over things until I feel Ive gone in circles! By the way, this is the case regardless of how big or small the decision: buying a house or buying a new pair of running shoes can bring me through the same process.
I appreciate the wisdom from the writers sponsor when faced with a decision: make sure my audience can hear me, state my position, and then let go. I have found this is helpful in all types of group situations... meetings, staff meetings, family gatherings, etc.
Good morning Mary - happy Sunday to you too! Thank you for your service, the daily and your ESH.
I struggled more with decision making before recovery. I still do at times, and I believe it happens as I fall back into wanting to make the 'perfect' decision. Working as best I can to align my will and life with my HP helps greatly - I am reminded of my humanism and imperfections. I also learned in recovery that 'when in doubt, don't....' which tells me that not making a decision is a choice and a decision!
Letting go of 'perfect' has been difficult for me but is better than before. I am off to a meeting shortly - and today is another colder than desired day BUT....the last one in the forecast for the week! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Morning Mary and IAH making decision was a difficult process for me until I embraced the alanon tools and concepts and understand that I was human and that making choices allowed me to also change my mind if new information presented itself.. Alanon convinced me I did not have to be perfect because i was human. I was given permission to change my mind and not be perfect something i did not learn as a child at home or in school I am ever grateful to this program
PS Ia m back vacation was great. Will try to upload a picture to my avatar of myself with a monkey on my head. taken at the island of St. Kits
I have swung the pendelum from making decisions quickly my whole life confident that I knew best about everything!!!! Then when addiction in my AD entered my life , it eroded my confidence and abilities to manage (CONTROL) anything and I could barely decide what to eat for breakfast and doubted every thought I had. Thankfully with the help of my program I have returned to midline and now have accepted that I do not know what is best for others and it is ok to make mistakes and change my mind.
Love the monkey hotrod. Glad its on your head and not on your back lol.
Welcome home Betty - glad you had a great time....and I love, love, love your new friend!! We missed you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you, Mary for your service! Today's topic and all the great ESH really spoke to me!
I had always been a confident decision maker... but when addiction entered my life, that morphed into knowing I had all the "right" answers, and that my way was the right way! I fell into the trap of being a manager of my spouse's disease. That left me broken and without confidence to sometimes make the easiest of decisions... or sit and look at all the angles/data etc. for a very long time. Too long. Thankfully, I now have the tools to help me stay humble (my way is not ALWAYS the right way... even if it ends up being the best way, others must make their own decisions without my input!), they help me in my decision making (Practice the Pause, When in doubt, don't), and they allow me to accept imperfections... in others and most importantly in myself!
I work each day to move myself away from always "working" or "striving" for perfection. In theory, it's a good mantra - you see it all the time, especially in business - but it can work evil in my mind, and steal away my serenity! I now strive for BALANCE... it's a good thing!
Betty, good to "see" you back. Love the new Avatar! You look so incredibly happy... despite having a monkey on your head!
And Serenity47, your reply was PRICELESS! "Love the monkey hotrod. Glad its on your head and not on your back lol."
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you for your service, Mary, and I appreciate all the ESH.
I can identify well with difficulties making decisions, even just choosing what food to buy. I have problems with speaking my mind when in groups, yes... This thread calls to mind what my sponsor has said, something along the lines that I can make a decision even if I don't believe its perfect, but it just feels right for this moment...... And I can change my mind later too. Wonderful reminder to not get stuck and overanalyze (that's what my automatic response is most of the time).
Also, I don't know a lot of stuff. My common thinking is/was I know a lot about many things (including future outcomes). After my last panic attack, and also previously after some strongly emotional events, I came to this state I would call "confused" where I feel I don't know anything, which is kind of where I am now. I think this is actually the most honest thinking I've employed for a long time, and a healthy place to be right now. I really don't know most things. Its okay. Wow, I'm really pleased with my progress today :) (pat myself on the back, lol).
P. S. I love your avatar picture, Betty!!!
-- Edited by Aline on Sunday 8th of April 2018 01:34:53 PM
Mahalo Mary for the service and share. My wife and I will share from our separate readings also which I like. Decision making for me as a child within the disease and as an alcoholic also was a "no brainer" I just reacted and put up with the chaos as a result of it. The first really sound decision I ever made for myself was making up my mind to get in and stay in Al-Anon after a couple round trips. It was hard on me and I was hard on it also until I screamed "Uncle" and stopped fighting the program including any higher power that may have been around at that time. Best decision ever. The program and MIP I have decided are my family today. Thanks ((((hugs))))
Thank youP&P for your lovely words. Serenity I too am glad that the cute monkey is on my head and not on my back. T I missed my MIP family while I was gone
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 8th of April 2018 10:38:01 PM
T I missed my MIP family while I was gone