The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Seems I'm having a rough couple of days, however I must examine, How Important is It? No one is dying....
I just learned that because of my good intentions to offer dinner to my son, dtr-in-law, and grandchild, I upset "the schedule" for the other grandma, and my 7yr old granddaughter had a melt-down. The other grandma was crying and felt rejected. My offer was for AFTER the visit with the other grandma.
I feel so terrible that because of my behavior, the 7yr old couldn't cope and the other grandma got hurt. I don't want to dwell on this all day and must locate the tools I need to let this go. I know I"m not responsible for others' reactions and feelings, but I certainly feel badly a firestorm was ignited. Lyne
(((Lyne))) - I too am sending you hugs, support and prayers. As we hear over and over again, this too shall pass. I have been on both ends of 'this' and what has been a blessing in recovery is I can only consider what my role is/was and make an amends if necessary. It often happens around here because of poor communication which plagues most everyone at some point in time....
Hang in there - it's the thought that counts! Your motives were pure! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Big hugs .. first and foremost .. I agree with what IAM shared .. you were coming from a very good place this is not on you. This is on the other people who had a responsibility to speak up.
I have to ask myself .. did I do (insert whatever) with the pure thoughts of evil intensions (I know, I know cue the dramatic music however that's how it feels at times) .. if the response is no to that answer then guess what .. that's just not on or about me. I am not responsible to read other people's minds .. they have the option to say no .. if they say no .. I can offer a different option .. of this is what I would like to do .. let me know the best time to do so. Then follow up with it.
The meltdown, crying of any person is not my responsibility, unless I'm just being mean then that's a different issue and a different conversation happening.
I hope you can put it in a God box and just let it go because that's self inflicted pain to myself when I hang on to these kinds of negative thought process and get stuck in the whole "Bad S" thoughts ..
I'm so sorry that the evening didn't go as planned .. I guess my thoughts are a little different since I tend to be selfish by nature in regards to these kinds of situations .. they happen. I can offer an apology even though I would question what you are apologizing for exactly .. their lack of communication? I am really reminded of the Lord's Prayer ... I think that is the one that I would go to right now in terms of letting go of the guilt.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I understand that feeling. I have it a lot with my son. For me it's back to step 1 I am powerless. I also get inflated ideas of the power my actions or words can cause but really im not powerful enough. The 7yr olds meltdown could be due to many things . In my experience a meltdown is rarely caused by one isolated event the reasons may be much more complex and deep rooted. Same with the grandmother being upset. The reasons are probably way beyond you much bigger than you. I try to remember most people don't have a program like us and are operating from a place of self pity manipulation martyrdom etc with no awareness of themselves and not a clue there is another way to be and to think.
Thanks so much for the support and ESH. I have let go of the guilt. I just feel sad when I think about it. There were only good intentions on my end. I would have loved my mom , or anyone, making me dinner after a long day at work ,and doing all the clean up, especially at the end of the week. I am not obsessing constantly about it, but it does enter my mind. I am very grateful for my program and my MIP family, Lyne
Good morning Lynn and MIP and thank you for ESH. I invited my adult children and family for Easter dinner. Eldest and his wife and son came, younger son came and his wife thanked me but said she was spending the holiday with her family. This is new for me having extended family now and I realize that all parents may enjoy having their children celebrate a holiday with their own parents. I would invite the whole family if we lived close but we are spread mid state. To be fair possibly asking if anyone has plans for that day will clear up any confusion. I don't have to have a gathering on a specific day.
