The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have always been one to jump in and try to fix situations and respond in the heat of the moment. I wanted to have everything aired out and tied up all neat and pretty. I would get bent out of shape and ruminate in my head again and again all the possible worst case scenarios that could happen if I didn't make everything all ok.
Yesterday my daughter was visiting and was behaving in a manner that was uncalled for and unacceptable. I do understand that she has been going through a hard time but I no longer am interested in being the dumping grounds for others garbage. As her miserableness continued I suggested that perhaps she should go home which she did.
Today she texted and apologized for her bad behaviour although had a few excuses as to why it was so. I did not respond for several hours. I attended to my bills, went to a meeting, did some chores and then answered. This pause allowed me to simply thank her for the apology and reiterate my boundaries that I will not accept disrespect particularly from my grown children. I didn't ask questions, nor inquire, give advice or try to solve her problems. I went on with my day in peace and plan to spent the rest of it watching Netflix. I am grateful for my program today.
Great share Serenity - I can so relate....we discuss often in meetings here that my first thought and often my second thought are often not 'healthy'. By this, we just mean that the old habits want to creep up and in fast so practicing the Pause has saved my serenity over and over again. It does work when we are able to pull out our tools and work it!
There is a bit of drama going on with both of my sons. I have gotten better at staying on my side of the street. This helps me maintain my own peace and joy so well that we're considering moving to a warmer climate since we're both retired. Of course, it would never happen quickly - we just don't move at that rate but we do know now that they will (and we will) be OK if we did a geographic.
I too am grateful for my program as well as all here @ MIP that work it! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for posting this, Serenity... such a great share!
I too ruminate about all the worst case scenarios and how I can act to fix or avoid them. I am thankful that Al-Anon is showing me a healthier way to act!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Good for you :) I am also pausing at this moment as I have received a message that seems quite an invitation to me to jump in and fix things! I don't want to. I think there's no need. The thing going on is nota priority to me and there was an arrangement that I would get delivered a couple of things by my ex-abf to my work from his relative with whom we are working on a project. Now ex writes he can't get to me as he has no money. The fact is, its his relative who needs this delivered asap, while I am very much involved in the project I don't want to gallop to my ex, I don't want to meet him and I don't really like the fact that there's this additional need for contact, but I did say it was ok if my ex delivered the things, so I have really brought this on myself! Meh. So I'm pausing and I might just ignore the whole thing and maybe things will work out.
Thanks for all the ESH ! Pausing before I speak or act is a wonderful tool. It allows me to think before doing anything. I can calm myself and take all the time I need or want. Thanks for the reminder, Lyne
