The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I remember saying to my sponsor, how I was feeling better, really felt a lot of improvement, had a much better perspective and attitude, and so on. As we were talking about it, I said to him, but I am going to a lot of meetings, feeling somewhat that as I was feeling so good, I shouldn't have had to go to so many meetings.
My sponsor said...did you ever think you were feeling this good, BECAUSE you are going to a lot of meetings. Perspective. Blind spot. Whatever you want to call it.
However, it just wasn't the meetings. I did 90 in 90, twice in my alanon years. It was great. I also did 180 in 90...two meetings a day for 90 days. Actually, it was more because one day a week I hit three meetings, LOL. Regardless, the face to face meetings were the foundation of the house I was building. But you can't live in a foundation. I also did daily readings -- the reading of the day, every morning, and every evening. Often, I would do that and other readings throughout the day. I also picked up the phone, every single day, and spoke with my sponsor. Every single day. Most days, we spoke more than once, even if once it was just to say hello, check in, etc. Every single day. Just hearing his voice...was part of me getting better, getting healthy. If you don't understand why, then either you don't have a sponsor, haven't ever been at rock bottom, or are just on a totally different track/type of recovery that even if I did explain it, you wouldn't understand it anyway. A sponsor will go to hell with you...they can't go for you...but they will go with you. More than once if need be. A sponsor will do things you for you that you couldn't even imagine. They will have your back, and will be there for you, completely and unconditionally. You will be shocked that a "new" friend, virtually a stranger, will do these things for you. Once, I texted my sponsor at 3am asking if we could talk first thing in the morning (we both start our days early). He texted back and said "call me now" and I did. So, when I immediately called him -- at 3am -- I said I hope I didn't wake you. He said, no, I was waiting for your call. If you don't get that, I hope you never have to.
While meeting makers make it -- for me, it was everything else that went along with it -- readings, phone calls, every single day, listening at meetings, hearing what I needed to hear, reading what I needed to read, saying what I needed to say, over and over and over again. Getting better, getting healthy, became the most important thing in the world to me. I scratched, clawed, crawled, pleaded, begged, cried, and who knows what else...to get better. And I did. I did the work. It worked, because I did the work. I worked it.
Where I live -- in my county, there are almost 50 alanon meetings per week (including beginners' meetings, step meetings, etc.). In the next county over, there are 5. Pretty scary. LOL. I am grateful. If I didn't have them, I would do every telephone meeting I could. I believe they have them every day. I haven't checked in a long time.
Meeting makers -- and everything else you do -- make it.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Thanks for the reminder, Bo. I have this ongoing thing that I often get this nervous twitching and trembling in meetings, especially after I share, not always, but most times, and I've analyzed it front to back and I am still powerless over this, I can't fix this. Now I just try to accept this is what happens, for now, and try to trust that more will be revealed in time, because my current thinking doesn't offer me solutions to this. I take the opportunity to share this in this thread because I have a good deal of shame over this, feeling that while others come to meetings and are peaceful, I often get into this nerve-ball state or whatever it is. Maybe sharing this out in the open will help me... I still come to meetings and listen and share, but there's some sick part of me doing I'm not sure what and why at the same time. I have gotten better in many respects while in the program, and I have this feeling like I should be in a better condition, but I suppose there's some kind of lesson still to learn and I'm not getting it yet. :( Today nice weather, spring feel, and I feel pretty good, doing a good job so far to enjoy the commute time to work. Hope everyone has a nice Tuesday
Hello new here. I have been popping in reading the posts for awhile now. I have to agree. I started attending meetings regularly in the last month and boy do I notice the difference! I also do daily readings, meditation and prayer. I feel like a new person. I am so grateful for alanon.
Good Morning MIP family and thank you for ESH on the benefits of showing up. I remember being a newcomer who was very nervous when I first stepped into Alanon. Would my secrets get out? What if one of my neighbors saw me. I found out that judgements and gossip were left outside the door and anything shared remained inside. When I first attended I will always remember hearing beautiful piano music filling the room. One of our members always showed up early and calmed himself by playing before our meeting started. Little did he know that his beautiful music was calming to more than him or maybe he did:) We never know if someone will share that one experience. Strength or Hope that we need if we don't show up.
Thanks for your share, Stan, I thought about it, and I see that fear of being judged at meetings (and elsewhere too) is definitely at least part of what causes my nervous reactions, despite intellectually "knowing" I'm supposed to be safe. Not what I feel like inside, though. Sorry for kind of hijacking the thread, but I'm really grateful I see what's going on with me a bit better now.
