The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just started attending alanon meetings after a 19 year hiatus from alanon. I go there and act like I'm an oldie. I know the steps, I know the slogans etc, and I have stories about how I overcame stuff thirty years ago. But I'm a newbie. The truth is I'm afraid to be vulnerable. I don't trust. I act like I do. Im kind of like a high functioning codependent. Over the years I've earned my degree, been involved in tap dance competitions and coached runners. I do yoga, take bubble baths and I'm working on my masters. I am laid back and cheerful. People think I'm happy and social and like being with me. I listen to other people's problems a lot. But I'm lonely. I lived with my husband, drinking every day for thirty years. Now he is 40 days sober and I'm a mess. yesterday morning he told me he wasn't going to see his councellor and say farewell to rehab. He just quit for good without saying goodbye. I'm angry. I'm angry because he sure did involve me every day in discussion about him, picking him up from rehab on the weekends. I changed my plans, I did not eat or sleep or cook or exercise. I was exhausted.
i read about the slogan HALT yesterday morning. (Are you hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?). Right now, to me, it means that I must stop doing almost everything I do for other people, especially my AH because I am tired and lonely every day. And I'm angry because expectations have been put on me. every time I noticed I was thinking yesterday I stopped and said to myself, "are you still tired and lonely?" And when the answer was yes, I asked myself, "what do you need to do for you to help you right now?" My husband started to tell me last night night what he was doing for his sobriety. I told him that I need to not be involved with this, I need to focus on me. i do t think he gets it, and maybe I'm going to far, but this is what I need now. And our conversation was positive and loving.
I think im feeling just a tad less lonely and tired today:).
But at the moment the slogan HALT is very good for me!
Blueskies, thank you for sharing with such courage and honesty. I too remember that exhaustion from trying to be strong while dealing with the effects of alcoholism. Yoga and bubble baths are great, but it was in Al-Anon meetings that I found relief from the loneliness and the determination to focus on healing myself.
Isn't it amazing that HALT means "stop?" Some of the greatest things I learned were what I could stop doing.
Aloha Blue skies and welcome back to the rooms. Yes you have been gone for a long time and that reminds me of the early on warning that our disease is relapse prone if I walked away from recovery and that it could and would come back in spades. My first relapse came after just joint the groups and being out for a month...I was done and thought of doing myself in, in fact. Depression...anger turned inward...was just one thing I learned extra so I got back in, sat down, shut up and listened, listened, listened and practiced, practiced, practiced. That was back in 1979 and I ain't gonna do that again ever. This disease is cunning, powerful and baffling all the time. Recently I've been keyed back to the 4th step...Oh my! Baffling back on stage!!
When people stop drinking, it's like a whole new set of behaviors come out of them, some better, some worse. Takes awhile to figure out all the changes.
-- Edited by saveskeeter on Thursday 1st of March 2018 02:46:39 PM
I love your post blueskies and welcome you back to the grind of the program. Your honesty reminded me that no matter where I go and what I do, I can always come B2B (back to basics) and align with this program and recovery. I have also gotten distracted at times for a variety of reasons and when I let me go, it does tend to wear me out. I'd love to say that I have mastered putting me first always and keeping the focus on me - yet it just doesn't work that way. I instead love that we become aware of our imperfectness and just do what we can to restart seeking progress always vs. perfection.
Keep coming back - good to have you with us again!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It isn't easy some days. I can attest to this lately. I feel so much better when I don't HALT! I like what someone said halt means stop!
I hope all of us out there are enjoying their day no matter what part of the world they are in! It is dinner time here & I am staving! Guess I qualify for the hungry part!
Just wanted to post. I have very little time but lots to say!
Glad you are back blueskies. I took a many year break too. I haven't been posting much lately due to allowing life to get too busy for a couple of weeks.
I've only been back a couple months. The things I have noticed and keep noticing is the disease never lets up. I do. I found more peace and serenity, freedom from all the awful negative emotions during the first months in here than I've really had in years. I'm now paying close attention to how busy/distracted I get and, making sure I'm not too busy for Alanon. Welcome back:)
