The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading February 27 speaks about attaining a new point of view. The reading suggests that if we listen attentively enough at meetings, read Al-Anon literature with concentration, we will absorb a new point of view.
It points out that when we enter program we are always asking "why does he drink", when he knows it damages him? we are really asking how can heu justify what he is doing? This implies a condemning of his action. Since we have no right to condemn anyone else, Al-Anon teaches us that the drinker knows no more about his compulsion than we do-- it is a disease. . We must accept that he suffers from this disease and that we cannot fix this and so we must not waste time or energy trying to figure out the alcoholic but must constantly figure out why we do what we do or say what we say.
. Today's reminder reflects on the fact that trying to analyze why another person persists in destructive behavior cannot help us in our own difficulties -we must overcome our difficulties by turning our thoughts inward and facing our own mistakes and learn how to live ourselves.
The quote is from Thomas Merton:"Although all men have a common destiny, each individual also has to work out his personal salvation for himself. We can help one another find out the meaning of life,but in the last analysis, each is responsible for finding himself."
I am ever so grateful to Al-Anon for providing the tools that allowed me to go inward, discard the negative destructive attitudes that I had developed and uncover my true self. This true self and the tools, helped mel to face life on life's terms with compassion, empathy and self-respect. Al-Anon showed me how to trust myself and to keep showing up
Thanks for your service, Betty, and your ESH. Focusing on myself is a very important part of recovery. I used to neglect myself, and didn't really know myself. Now I'm getting to know me again, it feels good!
I found the line that the drinker knows no more about his compulsion than we do to be very helpful. Right up until we stopped living together, I still didn't understand his compulsions. spent so much time asking anyone who would listen what was going on with him. I ignored what was going on with me, how my behaviour was changings, how I was also ashamed of so many of my reactions, how I too had compulsions (to yell at him, to cry and plead) even though I knew they just left him feeling worse and me with a headache.
It also says: "I know he suffers from it, too." Deep down I knew he was hurting from his behaviour more than me. But without program I couldn't get to the point where I could really see this and act on it. I was too busy living in how badly he hurt me - it was substantial, I had plenty to complain about, but by complaining and agonising over his insane behaviour I didn't make my situation or myself more sane.
Good morning MIP! Betty, thank you for your service.
When I first arrived at Al-Anon, I had given up on understanding what made my AW tick. But, I was still trying to control what she did. Turns out, I was really, really bad at controlling her drinking, lol! I thought Al-Anon would help me see where I was going wrong, and figure out how to better control the drinking. Al-Anon didn't do that, but it did encourage me to focus on myself and my behavior. I took "Nothing changes if nothing changes" very literally, and decided that I had to make changes in myself. It was great to remember that I am a whole person with a history, likes, dislikes, friendships, and connections. I even have hobbies! I am thankful to the program for providing me the opportunity to get to know myself again.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good morning MIP! Thanks to all for the ESH and shares above me. Thank you Betty for the daily and your service. I readily admit I am a hard-headed soul and just struggled to wrap my head around putting me first, taking care of me, etc. Yet, when asked to just keep coming back and keep an open mind, there was a shift of thinking in me. I can't even tell you when it happened, just that it did and I realized one morning that I no longer woke up full of dread/despair. I didn't wake up to sunshine and puppies either, but had a much calmer state of being upon awakening.
It is at this point that I had enough clarity to begin to accept the power in recovery. For me, my 'unhealthy habits' of control, overthinking, judging, etc. were very entrenched and it is in recovery that that I found the tools to make small changes that led to healthier habits. Practice, Practice, Practice remains close to the front of my brain each day as I genuinely now enjoy learning how to do 'me' better each and every day.
For me, I was in huge denial related to my own level of insanity. I am certain that I spent way more time trying to figure out others vs. living my own life. I'm grateful I am better and Al-Anon taught me how to work on that. Happy Tuesday all - our last spring day for this week so off to golf again! Nothing like a little fellowship over a small ball and clubs....ha.ha.ha.ha. Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for sharing this Betty. I read it this morning but seeing it again was cool. I know I'm headed for trouble when I'm more worried about someone's destructive behavior than they are. That's what I was thinking about when I read the reminder. It's a powerful reading as always thanks for your service. :)
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
Great page and reminder for me, thank you for your service Betty, and all for ESH above.
The true implication of me saying "how do they justify what they are doing" is powerful. I say or feel that when I have forgotten who I am, what my place is, and allowed my ego to envision the scene as if I have the power to judge....and I most certainly have not.
Daily work on the steps and the program help remind me that my own life is unmanageable and I act insane without help and guidance I receive from AlAnon. When I am finding fault with others, I am tossing all of my serenity overboard to make room for resentment.
Very grateful for the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
