The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am grateful to say that after how ever many months of feeling like whenever I shared I was updating on the next installment in some kind of protracted soap opera, I don't have much to update practically speaking.
I am still living with my mother. It has all kinds of unique challenges. I miss having my own space and as I have mentioned my mum is a very sick al anon herself. This brings a lot of issues, ironically, sometimes I think I feel how my husband must have felt when I was at my craziest!
However, I made a gratitude list this morning and it helped remind me I have a lot to be very grateful for. Even in the fact that I am living with my mum. Her house is more comfortable that mine used to be as she has had more years working and earning money. It is nice to live with small luxuries, it helps me feel cared for and pampered. I also am able to save money while I am here, this is a great thing, because during my husband's addictive descent, we spent a lot of money and got into a pile of debt. These truly are things to be grateful for, and when I saw them on paper I realised that I have so much to be pleased and happy about that even though some things are not going to plan, my general attitude doesn't need to be "woe is me...."
I have also been able to get to more meetings - I made a special effort last week, and it made a huge difference. I also bought the book One Day at a Time and it has been helping immensely. Now when I feel overwhelmed I can search through the index of that book and find some helpful thoughts. I only wish that the pages for each day were longer!
I think I am slowly incorporating the idea that no stage of life is going to be perfect and I am never going to have everything I want, just as I want it, and life is much more enjoyable if I focus on what I have now. I learned to always focus on problems and solutions. I was busy rushing around solving everyone's life. Now I feel like that is futile and I try to catch myself and say the serenity prayer when my thoughts start planning, scheming and improving my world.
The next step for me is to start a relationship with a sponsor and to start "working the steps" - which I am still unsure what that means practically. I have a friend from Al Anon in the country I used to live in and plan to return to who I had originally asked to be my sponsor, but she wanted me to buy some books before we started and then I lost her number when I moved here. I just got back in touch with her now. I also could ask someone here. I will be here for six months. I am not sure what is preferable. To have someone I can meet face to face for six months in the knowledge I will be leaving (but can stay in touch) or to meet someone now on Skype, but to know that I will be able to see them face to face once I get back to the country where my husband is and my life will be for at least the next year or two after I return. It seems to me to make more sense to start with someone here, but to stay in touch with my friend and then maybe switch when I get home. I am going to think about this and see what seems right for me. Of course, this is tainted with impure motives like "not wanting to disappoint" the first woman, but that can't motivate such an important decision, in my recovery especially I need to do what is right for me - not what makes others happy!
(((Annie))) - good to hear that you got to meetings and more meetings....they were and are my grounding force often as it's there with my 'tribe' that I feel safe and able to share openly. I also love hearing that gratitude lists are giving you new perspective - we discussed them in another topic here just today and many of us try to do that every day.
It is an imperfect world, and I too do much better when I accept that about myself and others, and just focus on the here/now. I too ran around doing for others seeking the 'right way' and it was exhausting and crazy-making. I am so grateful that others in Al-Anon were willing to show me the way to a better path.
Keep doing what you are doing....you sound good!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi Ann Thanks for the update You are correct- the Steps, a sponsor and meetings are crucial ingredients to recovery
Working the Steps simply means to read the step slowly, review the questions for each Step found in alanon literature such as Paths to o Recovery How Alanon works and discussing our finding with a trusted member ( a sponsor)
