Al-Anon Family Group

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Post Info TOPIC: Sponsorship


Newbie

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Sponsorship


Does Al-Anon take a stance on co-sponsorship? I have 20 years in program and do not feel I need guidance to do step work. I do need a trusted friend to share my recovery and process some step 10 work from time to time. I would like someone to share experiences with step 11 and 12.



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Katy F


~*Service Worker*~

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Aloha Katy...decided to check in this morning before getting to my early meeting.  Your post affects me deeply as I struggle with a personal defect of wanting to run "my" show and relieving me of following suggestions as made by the elders.  I didn't need help from anyone and just for me remained in the struggle for sanity because of it.  I pitter patted around the ESH and the consequences were/are one I remained distrustful of others as I was when I first got here and two true honesty escapes me time to time because I really don't know how or want to work it as suggested.  It suggested that I was "less than" when and if I admitted to needing help.

At the moment I am waiting for my sponsor to arrive home from another island because of serious inventory step consequences from trying to work it alone.  There are parts of my history that I have kept to myself rather than openly trust others.  It is apart of the disease and how it has been allowed to work in my life.  He and I have made phone contact and I have alerted him to the seriousness of the situation and I will not attempt any longer to drive this bus alone.

My biggest problem in recovery has been trust since the day I arrived on 2/8/79 and it is time to learn and practice deeper recovery.  Not so strange anymore that the first post I read before starting my day keys me into changing the things I can.   Keep coming back...glad you have arrived.   ((((hugs)))) smile 



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Newbie

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Posts: 3
Date:

I didn't realize I was referring to sponsoring myself. I need to be accountable to someone. I need someone or others to point out when I am off track. I just don't need someone to explain how to work the steps. I don't need to go over my history for the hundredth time to discover my defects of character. I have defects. They come up when I get scared. I need help with discernment when I am blinded by fear. I do need help. My sponsor has a family health situation which will require her full attention possibly for years. So I am deciding how to proceed.

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Katy F


Newbie

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Posts: 3
Date:

That came across pretty harsh. Thank you for your response. I will look at the idea of trying to run the show.

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Katy F


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi katy I have a co- sponsor agreement with another long time alanon member We contact each other twice a week, share our gratitude lists and then our concerns. We also connect in person at a meeting.   Good luck



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Hello Katy - I do have a sponsor and she's got more experience than I so is a blessing in all things 'crazy' for me! I also have 2 program friends that I connect with each week and we do share honestly about all things. Between these scenarios, I feel centered in my support.

I am sorry that your sponsor has family issues and needs to change focus for a bit. I have had moments in my recovery where I was sponsor-free just because of circumstances. I made sure my support knew the circumstances so they could 'keep me honest' if they saw something I did not. In these moments, I did step up my program effort and meetings in the hopes that God would put someone there for me to meet/love as a sponsor. It's not always happened in my time-frame, but it's always happened.

When I sponsor someone new, I do like to start at the beginning and go forward with them. When I sponsor someone who's been around, where we start is jointly decided. I do know others that make folks start at Step One again and that's just not my thing. So - do as we suggest - pray about it, talk about it and write about it and the solution will come!

Welcome to MIP by the way - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Keep coming back!


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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Senior Member

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Posts: 409
Date:

Interesting share. I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said. Welcome Katy.

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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.

Bo


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1788
Date:

Excellent question. Let me preface my so called answer with a few points. First, let's remember, while many members here have many years in the alanon program, the material, opinions, perspective, etc., that are "presented" here is not official Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. While the title may use the name alanon, I don't believe this is not an official alanon sponsored forum, conference approved forum, etc. That said, you have some excellent people here who exchange information, share their experiences, strength, and hope, their perspective, their feelings, and yes, their problems and solutions.

Second, in the alanon program, inside the rooms of alanon -- we always hear there are no musts in alanon. Yes, there are rules and principles that guide us, but there are no musts. I've also heard there are no rights or wrongs as well. I've been in the rooms 24 years (this June) and I know many people who have had "two sponsors" for a variety of reasons, and in a variety of settings, arrangements, forms and fashions. I think in certain situations that could be very helpful and very beneficial.

That said, from my experience, and in my 24 years of recovery, I found that one of the most important, and critical, aspects of sponsorship is objectivity and accountability. I can't speak enough about how important I found these two ingredients are in the overall recipe of recovery. So, while I will limit my comments just to this point, I will close by saying that I -- my experience and what I've learned through that experience -- I have found it impossible to truly get into the steps, do step work, dive deep into serious recovery, without objectivity. For me, there were countless blind spots. I couldn't see them, find them, or even know they existed, without objectivity. However, those two things can also be achieved by doing the steps, Blueprint For Progress, a Fourth Step, Paths To Recovery, or whatever else -- with someone. Sometimes when you are "in it" -- you need someone who is "not in it" to help get you out so to speak.

I am once again doing Blueprint For Progress, and while this is just me, I couldn't imagine doing it without an experienced, insightful, and so many more adjectives, trusted friend. He provides objectivity, he can see the blind spots, and can help me with guided discovery and help me learn, see things, understand and discover things. Now, that trusted friend is not my sponsor. However, whether I view him as a utility player so to speak, I picked him specifically for very valid, pointed, and important reasons. Do I consider him a co-sponsor. I might. I might not. I don't know, and I don't care. Why? That's just a label. He is a partner in this initiative, in my recovery. My sponsor and I have been working together, and have been friends for over 10 years. The other person I am doing Blueprint with has been a friend, and has helped me for the same period of time. My sponsor is about 27 years older than me. He's been married for 55 years. The other person is 5 years older than me. He's been divorced 10 years. Two different, but both amazing people. Both qualified to help, coach, guide, work with, etc. So I work with each, on different things.

Both are major ingredients in my recipe of recovery.

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Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
Date:

 

Katy my condolences if what you felt was harsh came from my response to you.  Your reply reminds me of when I first got here and use to feel beset by the recovery personalities around me.  It caused me to leave program for a while I felt too unattached to those around me who were thoughtful as being helpful.  I fought my way thru early recovery for a time because I didn't know what the program was about and couldn't arrive at understanding alone.  I needed to understand and would not take the suggestions if I didn't "get it" right away on my own.  Being in control for me was a personal requirement and then I rarely was in control...I fought for personal balance right, wrong or indifferent and kept coming back as suggested.

My first sponsor was a female when the program was suggesting "men on men and women on women".  I needed to be in control and I got the direction to do it as suggested when she fired me and turned me toward an awesome male sponsor.  His spirit is still with me while his body has passed.  I have another male sponsor and my HP and I listen, listen, listen to their direction knowing that my direction resulted in insanity and near death on occasions jeopardizing the lives of others too.

Sponsorship in the program is suggested not a must.  I do what has worked for others and my other have used sponsors.  I love the slogan keep it simple so I have one sponsor and two ears open to the ESH in the fellowship.  I offer my sponsees the idea of "duplication" meaning do what you know has worked for others and keep it simple.  I use Al=Anon slogans as road signs such as when in doubt...don't  (Don'T was my early sponsor  lol).  I have needed each and every person in the program who has brought their recovery in front of me.  Glad you are also here.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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