The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm going through a rough patch -- too many big stressors at one time. Adversely affecting sleep. I'm trying to figure out, well, I guess I'm trying to figure my way out. No way out but through most of the stuff -- the main debilitating issue for me deals with the ex and the kids. He knows this is his last way of connection with me, and it is dysfunctional for all involved. I've gotten better at dealing with his behaviors through detachment and setting boundaries, but currently I have a couple other major stressors, and so I'm getting overwhelmed. So, until I can get to my next F2F mtg I'm reading out of the Courage to Change book and I'm turning to you all for general support. TOday's Courage to CHange was good ... "Al anon is where many of us who have lived with alcoholism begin to grow up for the first time. We learn to face the world as it really is and to take responsibiity for our actions. We deal with our feelings and share honestly about our experiences. We learn about ourselves and nurture our spiritual growth and our physical and mental well-being. We become responsible adults. An important part of the serious business of recovery involves recognizing our need to have fun -- to take a trip, fly a kite, attend a concert, make noise, race down the street, or blow bubbles. Light-heartedness can put troublesome situations into perspective. It reminds us that there is more to life than the problems at hand. Taking ourselves too seriously won't solve a problem any quicker. In fact, taking a break may help more than continuing to struggle ...." So, I'm taking the tiny step of taking a break today. I know I'll feel better when I actually do the tasks I have to do, but staring at it isn't getting it done, so I'm giving myself a break. To do so was not acceptable in my famiy of origin, and that was even more the case with my ex and his family, ... so I've been pretty much on my own with this one for a while. Back to it tomorrow, though. Thanks for listening, all.
To whomever created this website and board and to all who help to maintain it ... please accept my thanks. To have a place to go when the usual people are not available is such a gift. So, as I try and work through this rough patch I ran across the following from a non-approved source, yet I find it helpful, and interestingly it was from this week:
"Courage -- fear that has said its prayers. Dorothy Bernard. I wonder if it is possible to be in touch with our true courageousness without being in touch with our spirituality? We know how to be foolhardy. We know how to take risks. We even know how to put ourselves on the line. But do we know how to soar through the tempering fires of our fear, reach deep into our spirit, and find the courage that is there? Do we have the courage for the dailiness of life? Can we admit a mistake and not give in to the luxury of self-castignation? Do we have the courage to be honest about who we really are with those we love? .... When we face our fears and let ourselves know our connection to the power that is in us and beyond us, we learn courage. My courage is everyday just like my spirituality." AND "Only the dusty flowers, the clank of censers and tracks, leading from somewhere to nowhere. Anna Akhmatova What a beautiful expression of discouragement!... Tracks that lead from somewhere to nowhere. We have all tried so hard to do the right things. We have gone to the right schools, followed the rules, worked long hours, skipped long showers . . . and for what? ... tracks that lead from somewhere (with dusty flowers along the way), or perhaps even tracks that lead from nowhere to nowhere. Relax. Of course we feel discouraged at times. Recovery is more like a spiral than a line. Our struggles offer us opportunity to become better acquainted with the many facets of our disease. Recovery doesn't have to be a straight line. As long as I am on the road, I must be going somewhere." AND the actual reading for today: "Flowers grow out of dark moments. Corita Kent. Pain is inevitable in life. As we begin to recover, we can see that much of the suffering that we experience is directly related to our stubbornness and illusion of control. The more we hold on to issues, beliefs, or experiences that we long since have grown beyond, the harder we have to get 'whacked along side the head' to get the learning. Contrary to much religious belief, suffering is not noble. It is often just plain stupid and comes out of our stubbornness and need to control. When we are attached to our suffering, we often miss those 'flowers that grow out of dark moments.' My suffering teaches me about my disease. My pain teaches me about my life."
I will get through this, one day at a time..... and maybe even learn something along the way.
