Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

In my own experience, I have found this to be fairly common. Having been "in the business" so to speak, from a young age, professionally, I had to always be aware of alcohol, people consuming it, their behavior, my business, etc. So, I had that orientation. That said, once alcoholism -- my wife being an alcoholic -- entered my home and my life personally and directly, I developed a new mindset and way of thinking, living, etc. That new way -- was the alanon way so to speak.

That being the case, there were certain friends I was uncomfortable being around either when they drank at all, or when they drank too much. My call. My decision. At first I dealt with it on a case by case basis. I then made a decision as it related to one specific friend, that I didn't want to be around her when she was intoxicated -- so I had my boundaries and behaved according to them. I either stayed away from them if the event/party/etc., was large enough, or if not, I left. While I didn't "want" to, it was the decision that was best and healthiest for me. Personally, no matter who it is, I don't want to be around someone who is truly drunk to a certain point. I decide that point, LOL, and then I can leave.

I recently had a situation -- a woman I have been in a relationship with for 2 years commented on drinking. She said when we first met, she had said she wanted to be with someone who didn't drink. Fact -- she did not say that. Fact -- she drinks. So, now after 2 years, she seems to not like the fact that I drink. However, so does she. I was confused. I asked to her elaborate and explain. I never pointed out that she did NOT say she wanted to be with someone who didn't drink. She ended up saying she guesses she was mistaken and she didn't really know what she was trying to say. Does my drinking bother her? I asked. Fact -- we drink the same amount, frequency, etc. She said no, she likes that I drink "too" and all is fine. Is it? I don't know, LOL. However, I've also noticed she is now drinking more often, and in larger quantities. She has a lot of new things going on her life -- an ex that is not paying her, financial problems, work problems, friends problems, kids problems, parent problems, etc. This is for me to handle. I will see what happens, how or if it develops. 

To me, it's a major red flag when she/or someone says, I want to get drunk. But that's just me. If that's their motivation, so be it. It is not for me to judge. However, I have to decide whether or not that is a person I want to be with. I don't want to be with a person who relies or depends on alcohol, for whatever reason. That's a decision I have made, for me. I have tremendous focus and clarity -- around people. That's who I am. I have always been a people person and can connect with who they are, what they are, etc. When it comes to someone I am in a relationship with -- I know what I am looking for, what I bring to the table, and what I am looking for them to bring to the table. I know what and who I am looking for, and what and who I am. For that and many other reasons, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is anything more than a social or casual drinker. Now, that's just me. Forget about someone who relies or depends on alcohol. That's a deal-breaker for me. Again, just me.

I think it's hard. I think it can be case by case. I think if someone focuses on themselves, gets clarity and focus around who they are and what they are, their program, their boundaries, and much more -- then they can live how they want to live. I don't know if that answers the question(s) at hand, but it's my initial thinking.