The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
he ODAT reading for February 20th speaks about the importance of the tool of" detachment". The reading suggests that whether we are living with someone who is still drinking or not, the situation calls for patience, acceptance and resolution. It suggests that we can acquire these qualities by detaching emotionally from problems that we encounter each day so that we do not allow ourselves to become emotionally involved in situations. This is not an easy task so as to practice detachment,, one day at a time we can try to be more objective and not take things personally. .Every evening we can check and see what we said and did to try to understand if we could have remained silent in certain situations.
The prayer is:" I pray for the enlightenment to make my detachment, loving and not cruel. Let it not be a wall between us but a bond of respect for one another individuality .".
Staying in the moment and in the day, does help me to be present, and to be aware of my emotional responses . The reading suggests that each day we can make progress in detachment as long ass we stay focused on ourselves and not react
I know that detachment was not an easy tool for me to embrace and implement, however I am so pleased that I worked hard to include this powerful tool in my alanon tools box I have embraced minding my own business and live end let live as my go to slogan and these help greatly.
I would like to recommend the little alanon bookmark entitled Detachment as it clearly outlines these principles.
Good morning Betty - thank you for your share, the daily and your service! I do also like that bookmark - Detachment. It speaks to me when I am struggling to detach. Today, I am working on detaching from the 'weather'....we've got ice storms and it's just nasty outside. My oldest commutes to college 40 miles away directly towards the storm. I am worried a bit and working to let it go and trust HP that all will be well.
I really struggled with detachment. I was so negative and angry, I wanted to 'dismiss' dysfunctional people in my life. Set them off to the side permanently in some cases. I'm grateful for a loving sponsor that suggested that dismissing was not detachment and more aligned with denial. She also shared that if I did not use the tools and learn to detach, my dismissing tactic would backfire. It did, and I again made it a choice to lean into the program and deal with life on life's terms instead of avoidance, dismissing or denying.
I was given permission to detach with indifference in the beginning. This helped me as I was such a all/nothing thinker, I wanted to do it 'perfect' or not at all. Being allowed to just stop talking, practice listening instead, and praying all the while helped me to separate me from the person, place, thing!
Make it a great day - I am hibernating today and praying for safe travels for all affected. (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for all the ESH and daily Betty. Detachment has not come easy for me, but I continue to practice and have made progress. It can depend on what the topic/issue is, and how hard the mud is thrown my way. I have so much respect for the tools of our program, to not be cruel, to have compassion, etc. These are amazing goals that I will continue to try and reach as often as I am able. Lyne
Thank you, Betty for your service and all for their ESH on this topic.
Detachment with anger or resentment I did well... both living with the active A, and not. I am working hard on Detachment with Love. I think Detachment with Indifference however is where I am at. Some days I find anger welling up, most days I just don't care what my RAH is doing. Now that he is in his Sober Living portion of his rehab, he keeps wanting to "draw me in," saying we can still be "best friends." Sometimes just him saying that phrase is an anger trigger for me. Because yes, in a perfect world that IS what I want... I don't want to be angry or spiteful... mostly don't want to waste my precious energy with that. But I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I am a work in progress!
Thank you for this timely reminder on Detachment! I will need to use this with all my might tomorrow, as I will see my STBXRAH for the first time in 4 months at a joint tax appointment.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
