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this is my first time on. my ex of 4 hrs has gone into rehab again. what can i say? i need any words of wisdom you can give me. i have a 7 yr old daughter hurting terribly. i am trying to stay detached, but her pain pulls me in. thanks ::
You have said it is the second time, so then you probably know what to expect.
Hopefully this time will be the time when he accepts recovery. Use the time he is in to work on your own program. To take a needed rest form the chaos. Treat you and your daughter to specail things.
Let your little one know that Daddy is sick but he is working hard to get batter. Maybe help her to make him cards and letters. Tell her that he is completely safe where he is and that you and her are going to spend some special time together.
Remember to try and stay out of his recovery. He needs to do this on his own. Know that he is where he needs to be and is safe.
if you are afraid or anxiouse, this is a great place to vent. The people here understand.
Just remeber that the rehab is taking care of him. You should take care of you. You are worth it.
I'm sorry to hear that your 7 y.o. is hurting. Maybe there are some alateen meetings in your area you could take her to, or maybe she could read some of the Alateen literature.
It also sounds like you had/have very high expectations of your ex--that he was "supposed" to get better, "supposed" to get the program or something of that nature. I think that when I am hurting I expect impossible things from people who cannot deliver them to justify my hurt. It might do you some good to come to our online meetings or to go to f2f meetings in your community. Remember rehab is exactly that--rehab, rebuilding.
It doesn't always work the first time. For me it is 6 rehabs for my hub. Understand your feelings, like getting sucked back in.
Only thing is from my experience al least there has been sober time in between the rehabs. Once for 4 yrs, once for only a couple of months.
Sorry not alot of words of wisdon as this is an awful disease. All we can do is take care of us.
As you learn to work your very own program you will begin to heal. I use to think I don't need help he is the sick one. As I have found throughout the way I was sick also and didn't even realize it.
How wonderful it is to feel better about myself and life in general.
Best of Luck to you my prayers are with you and your child. Try and get yourself involved in alanon it works miracles.
For my daughter it took 2 rehabs. One outpatient and then on 2 month inpatient. Then she realized that she needed her AA meetings to keep her clean and sober or else it was back to another rehab. Only she could figure this out on her own. I really feel for what you are going through. Keep reaching out and keep coming back. You have alot of good suggestions above for your daughter. cdb xoxoxoxo
