The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about steps 6 and 7. The author shares that, despite their zealous work on the 12 steps for over a year, they still experienced lapses into self-pity and resentment over the alcoholic's inability to give them the emotional support they wanted.
One day during a meditation on the 6th and 7th steps, the author realized that they had been working the steps within their own limited power, and they needed the help of a Higher Power to really remove their defects of character. After sincerely asking their HP for assistance in removing their defects of character, the author discovered compassion for the alcoholic and new compassion for themselves. Their self-pity and resentment were gone.
Today's quote is from The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage: " I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help."
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One thing I like about Courage to Change is that it so often speaks to where I am each day. I have been reflecting on my own marriage a lot lately. Thanks to my work in the AlAnon program, I have become better at putting myself and my needs first, and focusing on myself and what I want and need. Most days I am not suffering from self-pity and resentment, although resentment does pop up from time to time. I do believe that I have compassion for my AW, although sometimes I also suffer from impatience.
I have been thinking a lot lately about whether I am willing to accept the fact that my AW will not be able to offer our marriage the emotional and financial support and stability that I believe I need. At least, I know I want it. I see her situation and her struggles, I have compassion for them, but I struggle with whether it is acceptable to me that I am negatively impacted by them. Maybe it would be easier if she was working a program instead of floundering around on her own. Or maybe that's just my tendency of identifying solutions to problems that are not mine. In any case, I am sure that I am not ready to make a decision one way or the other right now, and another thing I learned in the program was that deciding that I am not ready to make a decision is also a decision that I can make.
Today, I am feeling content, I am happy with where my career is going and can go, and I'm excited that I was able to catch a glimpse of the lunar eclipse this morning on my way in to work. For today, that is enough.
I hope you make it a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service, the daily and your ESH. I too often find C2C aligning with where I am or what I am processing. I am more at peace today than yesterday, and know that will continue if I lean into my program and my HP's will for me. Self-will does not work well with serenity - that's when I tend to feel self-pity or worse.
I do know deep within that God wants me to be happy, joyous and free. This program and the tools give me the best chance of getting 'there' one day at a time. I too am content, just for today! (((Hugs))) to all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning Skorpi, this is indeed an important reading. I love how it emphasizes just how the steps work together to affect my recovery. Becoming entirely ready to have my defects removed and asking HP to do just that , allowed me to continue to show up at meetings, own my destructive attitudes and actions and to ask HP for the guidance and help I needed.
One morning, much to my surprise I discovered I was responding differently to a situation which used to trigger all my anxiety. When I found myself feeling compassion, and empathy and responding in a supportive, understanding manner, I knew that HP had lifted many of my outstanding defects.
I never looked back, added this incident to my gratitude list and moved forward
The steps, work One day at a time ,when I work them and I am so grateful
