The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i have not posted in a while. the truth is that i have not had time to sit down, think about what is wrong, and get upset about it. i have kept busy. but i had a free moment yesturday and thought about my dad.
i just found out that my dad went out of town. we still are not speaking, so i found out from my brother that he is gone. he went to visit some friends that aren't the "best" influence. they are alcoholics and use drugs also. i know that my dad is with them just having a good old time! it makes me mad. i am so afraid that i am going to get a call in the middle of the night that something happened to him.
why can't i just forget about him? i wish i could just not think about him, worry about him, and not wonder what he is doing at the moment.
It must be so hard to have the A in your life be a parent. Blood is blood and cutting ties is so much harder than when it is a spouse or friend. I don't have any advice for you but wanted you to know that I am saying a few extra prayers for you. Try to find something to keep you busy and to keep your mind off of it. There isn't anything you can do right now. And no point is worrying about a possible phone call until it comes. Maybe it won't.
I certainly understand your emotions, and I'm glad you released them here. Sounds like you have done well keeping your mind off of it.
I work in an office and schedule meetings all the time for everything ... (ever see office space, LOL)
Here is something I tried this week, I "scheduled" a time to worry about what my A's were doing, but every time I got close to it I re-scheduled it for later. Even if it was just 10 minutes later.... Haven't kept that meeting yet - LOL
To be quite honest, I have kept busy here, reading everyone elses posts to help keep my mind off my stuff. That has worked for me too.
You are doing good, hang in there!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I just wanted you to know that you've been heard and I'll also send prayers. Your Dad has a disease and nothing you do, say, think or feel is going to change that. If he wants to use he will, no matter where he is or who he's with. You are powerless over it. Perhaps you could pray for some peace of mind or for your HP to release you from your worry. You could try to visualise putting your Dad in the hands of your HP and wrapping him in a loving blanket but then leave him there and try to get on with your day. Try not to project about that dreaded phone call, it's going to be tough enough to deal with if/when it comes and maybe, today, it won't.
Feel your feelings but try not to let them overwhelm you. Do something nice for yourself or something that will occupy your mind so you won't be anxious for your Dad. When I started obsessing about my A I used to play the alphabet game. I would pick a subject then think of something beginning with each letter. It can be anything, boys/girls names, fruits, animals, football teams, films, books etc. It sounds daft but it was a way of learning to discipline my thinking. When my attention wandered I accepted my mind was just doing its job and then I'd bring it back to where we left off and continue. Once as I couldn't stop thinking about alcohol I gave in and my subject was alcoholic beverages, I was very good at that one! I found that as I worked the process my anxiety gradually lessened too. I would imagine you will never be able to forget about him, precisely because he is your Dad but with time and practice you will be able to learn to detach with love and not worry or wonder so much.
Keep working the program for you and keep coming back.
Your not going to forget about him, he's your Dad, and no matter what he does you love him.
He is going to do what he is going to do and you can't change it. Try to keep busy and not worry, spend time being good to you. There is nothing else you can do. I pray that he is safe and you find that out soon.
How sad for you Flint. All the worrying you can do is not going to change a thing, but as loving children, those of alcoholics probably never stop worrying. Try to remember to put yourself and your well-being first. Dad's HP will look after him.
Good luck, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
My dad was an alcoholic too. Now I am dealing with my son A. I had 2 grandparent A-s and a couple of sibbling A-s. I wish when I was younger I would have known about Alanon. I now have alot of compassion for what my dad was going through. I am a food addict and I know how powerful that craving is. It's those words in your head..."one more time...one more day...if I can just get through today then tomorrow I won't take that first drink...bite...needle...whatever". Cunning, baffling and POWERFUL!!!.
What I try to do now with my son is to ask HP if His will is to take my son home then please give me the courage to deal with it. To deal with whatever His will is for my son. Wanting to accept God's will is fairly new to me but when you have nowhere else to go for peace of mind then that is where I am going. I started a new church and that has helped me alot. Reading literature and posts have really helped. Soon, I would like to start ftf meetings and get a sponser. Sometimes I wonder if HP created this life for me to draw me closer to him. I think it is working.
