The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about having the courage to be oneself.
The author shares that AlAnon is a program that does not dictate how members behave. Instead, it is a program that encourages each member to look searchingly and fearlessly at oneself, one's feelings, motives, and actions so that each person can dare to be themselves. Knowing who we are, the author suggests, is a necessary step in learning to love ourselves.
Today's Reminder: "I have a right to want what I want and to feel the way I feel. I may not chose to act on those feelings or desires, but I won't hide them from myself. They are a part of me."
Today's Quote: "This above all: to thine own self be true." William Shakespeare
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I can really see myself in today's reading - putting myself and my needs behind those of others around me, agreeing to things I do not want to do, pretending that I am happy when I am not to ease someone else's feelings. I am thankful to the AlAnon program because with work in the program, I learn to notice and then feel my own emotions, and make a decision to act despite those feelings. Before the program, I felt that emotions were to be avoided. I burred them, and when they surfaced, I reacted rashly and without careful thought. I even allowed my AW to convince me that I was feeling things that she thought I should be feeling, whether I was or not. Now, I am better at noticing when I am feeling a certain emotion or NOT feeling a certain emotion. I can name that emotion and feel it, but those emotions are mine, and they no longer dictate what I do and do not do. I still might chose to do something I do not enjoy doing, but now it is a conscious decision I am making, and not one that is made to avoid making waves or upsetting others.
The first line in today's reading is "I will dare to be myself." Daring to be myself can be risky business, because if I put myself out there, and I do not receive the kinds of responses I hope, I can take it personally. In AlAnon I have learned that taking the risk of being myself is worthwhile, and allows me to develop real, honest, respectful friendships. Just for today, this is a risk worth taking.
Snow is still on the ground, but we are promised (unseasonably) warmer temperatures again this weekend.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Skorpi, I remember that prior to program i had a strict rule to never reveal my feeling to anyone i guess growing up in my FOO, I discovered that expressing feelings, happy or sad was not safe as people seemed to pounce on my vulnerability and take advantage. I then leaned to ignore my needs and feeling , make myself invisible and support others.
Then alanon gave me permission to focus on myself, acknowledge my inner feelings, own them( not so others could fix them ) but so I could understand myself and support my needs. I was also advised that feelings are not facts and that immediately "reacting" to feelings was destructive. I first needed to learn to "feel" my feelings, process them and then respond in a healthy manner.
I so appreciate the wisdom of alanon whereby no one gives advise ( instead they offer simple constructive tools to live by) . By providing members a safe place to explore their inner feelings, (without interruption ) we are provided with a healthy environment that allows us to shed many negative attitudes and finally learn to express our feelings in a healthy manner.-- not so others can fix us but so they can get to know us and identify with our humanity and so we can grow and release stored pain .
Thanks for your service and stay warm and safe
Thanks for both above shares and the daily. Of course I also relate to the reading and in the past year I have done a couple things which people close to me dislike. I continue to dare to be myself and rid myself of the last bits of codependency which tie me down. I also thought of QTIP, which my sponsor taught me: Quit taking it personally. This is a very important slogan and I will also make an effort to practice this as I let my true self come through, Lyne
These days I view things with a lot more joy and gratitude. I would not have realised this unless I was keeping coming back...
This week I made a comment on the thread about "Gossip". As I did this I felt I was walking on eggshells again- or broken glass.
"Cruising for a bruising" was the term I thought of.
These days I have become more i open and forthright- more confident. As I shared on that threat old fears arose. I reflected and guessed that this had a lot more to with me than with this group- or Alanon.
Ah guess that in my family, as I tested the boundaries, I was knocked back more and more. Maybe there were no boundaries anyway?
Over Christmas and New Year I had in depth chats and catch-ups with five members... I realised that i have 'come of age here' this has actually become my home group. I did go to a local assembly too last year to see people face to face.
I know about group conscience in theory- but day to day group stuff should be easy. Questions can be asked and people can sort of sort out boundaries if there are questions about these.
We are having a heat wave here- and it has been a really hot dry summer... expecting more snow this winter... ...
Thanks to all above for your ESH and shares. Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. I also was very guarded with my real feelings before recovery. I showed one main emotion - anger. And, it was often/always over-done....It is in recovery that I have discovered other emotions and what they really feel like. I also have learned that expressing them or not is a choice but going through them helps me change/heal/grow.
I am better able today to tell someone I am sad. Or, I am distracted. Or, I am tired. My theme for 2018 is Authenticity. For some reason, being true to me and authentic has become central to my recovery and that's OK. I am rolling with it as best I can.
Happy Wednesday to all - spent a lovely morning in great conversation with the little people - my oh my they can make my heart swell with love and adoration!!! (((Hugs))) to all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The first line in today's reading is "I will dare to be myself." Daring to be myself can be risky business, because if I put myself out there, and I do not receive the kinds of responses I hope, I can take it personally. In AlAnon I have learned that taking the risk of being myself is worthwhile, and allows me to develop real, honest, respectful friendships.
Thanks for this thread .. this is a great reminder for me as i prep to do another 4th with my first sponsor in alanon .. the one person i First dared to be myself with 'uncensored .. I guess before i could even begin to be myself I've had to learn about myself .. truth is I think it's the first time i have 'ever paid so much attention to myself (i had been overly focused on others for years) ..
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Wednesday 24th of January 2018 01:14:00 PM
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