The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My a boyfriend is home today. I called the neighbor to find out if he was home since he wasn't answering his phone and I was getting worried. She said she heard him walking around upstairs. She called me later to tell me the other neighbors saw him HIDING all day smoking cigarette in corners, and skulking about like he didn't want to be seen. She said he came down stairs and had alcohol on his breath.
It's his 3rd day at a new job. I guess there goes another one. I'm heartbroken. I can't support us and I don't want to either.
I've been at my job for over 13 hours so far today because I am trying to bring home a little extra cash. I guess it's a good thing. But now, after 13 hours of working, I get to go home to this. I keep saying the serenity prayer over and over. I'm at school (I teach hs...am doing freshman orientation) and I can't keep my mind on my work and I think these kids must think I'm awful. I just can't let it go for some reason. So I figured if I wrote it out and posted I may be able to let it go. I don't know. UGH.
I hate him for doing this to me. I know he's not "doing this" to "me" per se...but I don't even want to go home. But he lives with me and I don't have family or many friends around and I resent the hell out of having to leave my own apartment because he is drunk and will likely be confrontational. I hate him for it.
Thanks for listening. Any ESH greatly appreciated.
Hello, Stacy, The only ESH I can offer is that going to a face to face meeting really helps, even if you don't say a word, and just sit there. Get a list of phone numbers. Find a sponsor and start working the steps. They really work to change you and your reactions. And you will be doing all of those things to take care of yourself. Please take care of yourself. We here all care about you, because we have been through times like this, too. This program really works, if you work it. Focus on taking care of yourself, and trusting your hp with your life right now. Keep coming back, it works, IF you work it! Blessings to you, Stacy, we are all so glad you are here. Your being here helps us, too. mebjk
I have been where you are now, and when I first came in to Alanon, I was confused with what to do, because I loved this guy so much, but his drinking and behavior from the disease were killing me. I could not concentrate at work either, I would spend most of my time talking to coworkers about what was going on in my personal life, or researching relationships on the net. I also work long hours with mentally challenged adults and would feel the same way as you did, like a double wammy! ugh is right! Just know that you're right where you're supposed to be. What I worked on firstly was trying to detach from the A in my life, and step one...I was powerless over him and his addiction. I could not fix his problem, I learned to focus on myself and getting myself well again so that I could make some clear decisions. I also developed some boundaries in that time. Eventually, the idea that I was powerless traveled from my head to my heart and the serenity of it all was incredible. All I can say is keep coming, it does work!
(((((Serenity Girl)))) i have been where you are and i know it is so incredibly painfull and relentless, i give you all the hugs and will pray for your peace of mind and heart.
Wow, what a mess you are dealing with. Understand the feeling of not wanting to go home and be around him. I so relate to that one, who wants to argue espically with a drunk who will not remember one thing tomorrow.
I am sorry that he is putting all the financial worries on you that is a tough one. He needs to have a reality check.
Stay strong, I will be praying for you. Most of all just take care of you and ignore him the best you can while he is using.
I immediately took notice of the word "boyfriend." I have a question. Why do you stay? There's a world out there waiting for you that's full of happiness, and there are good people out there waiting to share the joy with you. I just don't understand the mindset that allows a person to continue to be in an abusive, toxic relationship.
I am sorry you are hurting, and I hope you will take care of yourself and soon be feeling better.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I guess I have to agree with Diva. Why would you want to subject yourself to this when you still have time to get out? I'll bet I know the answer, but unfortunately, love does not conquer all! I hope things work out for you!
