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I just read a couple posts and all of a sudden I don't get it. I know that we are supposed to focus on us and supposedly this will take the focus off the a, but no matter how hard I focus on me it seems like the anger, resentments and so on are still there. I still like with my active a, he lost his license 2 years ago -
well to give a bit of understand for my background, my a and I met in the 5th grade, yep and dated so to speak, off and on from there, married 3 years after graduation, we have struggled always and always have felt sort of nervious around each other, you know, we weren't that couple that were best friends and could tell each other anything, its hard to believe we even made it this far a couple, anyway I think that we truly love each other but over time there have been other women, nothing serious until 5 years ago when my husband had a 3 year affair with another women and in the mean time went from drinking a 6 pack a day to 18-20 beers a day, morning till night.
anyway as I was saying he lost his license, messed around with this women a while longer and now, as far as I know has nothing to do with her. But this hasn't stopped my anger, I don't know how to get through this, I have stopped any physical contact with my a, I don't want him to touch me when he does I cringe. I'm not sure if it is because he had an affair or if it is because he is an alcoholic or simply if it is because I am affraid that it I give in he will take that as a sign to go ahead and hurt me again in some way.
I know that no one can give me the answers but has anyone been here and figured out how to move on with the marriage, I don't want the marriage to end, and this program and the affair has taught me so much, so I am a wiser person, I just don't know how to be happy with him again, even though he drinks, and at the same time build the strengh I need so if he does go outside the marriage or if I just can't take the drinking anymore and have to through him out, I want to be able to follow through and do it.
Thanks for reading, please share I need some experience from those that have been here, or anyone else who maybe has some suggestions.
I am sorry for the hurt and anger you are feeling. My husband left me for another woman two months after we got married. I was very angry and hurt. It helped that we moved away from the woman and we talked about the affair. He was sincere in apologizing and that helped get rid of some anger. Some anger just took time and me recognizing that infidelity is a part of addiction helped me to see it as just another symptom of his disease. I still can't stand for my husband to touch me at times. I think it's because of the anger and because most of the time I feel like I am making love with the addiction instead of my husband.
When things aren't going well in our marriage and things are strained between us, it definately effects our sex life. I think that's pretty normal. Once the marriage gets back on track, I think the intimacy will follow.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I couldn't stand for my first husband to touch me--he wasn't an a, but he treated me horribly and the thought of having sex with him was pretty close to unbearable.
I am not sure how I could/would handle it if my husband were to have an affair. I have wondered if he is lately because we seem so far apart. That is just one thing I'm not sure I could take. I would definitely have anger and resentment from that!
But if things are to work out in the marriage happily then the anger and resentment would have to go somewhere because as long as it is around you guys won't be able to get close. That's my opinion anyway. How to get rid of it? I'm not sure, there has to be a way to talk about it with someone, would be best if you could talk to him, but if not what about a couselor?
Good luck. I hope you can find some peace and comfort soon!
