The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got a very polite email from my A today asking if the kids had anything tonight or if we could talk. I thought he meant continue dicussioins on division of property. I replied that would be fine. He comes home at lunch and says "'we can work this out". I said very calmly, like we have over the last year? I said why should we stay when you continue to run us down for everything we do. Last night I didn't chop the meat up right while cooking it. I let the food set in the microwave after it was done. I said it is rice it is still cooking no worries. I explained that when he called me at 4:30 to tell me he was on his way home, he was very nice, and that I could tell he stopped for beer on the way home because he was a differnt person just while drinking an hour while driving home. He said how? I said none of us do anything right, you complain about everything. He of course is sober here at lunch and pledging his love once again now that I have taken steps to leave. Boxes surrounding him, it is closing in on him. He needs my income to continue to keep his play toys. I think he has done the math. I have a small car and much smaller house that I have been begging for. The boys and I can make it. We have lived on less before and they have missed out on nothing. He on the other hand will have a 5 bedroom house with little furniture, but two fridges!! Of course!
He said how much he has changed his drinking habits, I said that's why the bed is still drying out from last Thursday!
All this was very calm, no raised voices. He sees no change in me. Ha!! I would have been screaming like crazy a year ago!
So I don't know what this evening brings, but I am one day closer and a lot more boxes packed to being out of here!!
Josey
-- Edited by jrtjosey at 14:38, 2006-03-28
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
What I can learn from you!! ?? !! You stay strong girl! Don't look back, only ahead. I wish I could get some of your strength.
I realized Sat night when my husband came home drunk & maybe even high and told me that he was leaving b/c he couldn't live w/a woman who didn't trust him w/his own kids that I was ready to be on my own. I have been telling myself that since last June but never really convinced myself I was strong enough. I am tired of the emotional roller coaster I have been on for 13 years. And I know things are not ever going to get better - only worse. It is who my husband is. He admits he likes mind altering substances - alcohol & drugs. He almost died from it all when he was 15. When I met him, he only drank. I have only recognized his drinking as alcoholism for the last year or so and now he has thrown cocaine into the mix too.
So I am trying to get my courage up to actually contact the divorce lawyer that was recommended to me. I have been waiting to get my house sold before doing it but I don't think it can wait. I am not afraid of being single, I actually long for it. I am afraid of the process. I am afraid of my husband's reaction to divorce papers. I am afraid of the cost. I am afraid of not being able to sell our house for the amount of money I need to pay off the 1st & 2nd mortgages & having enough left over for a down payment on something smaller for me & the kids. So many things scare me.
Make sure you keep posting on your progress. I am learning from you. I am growing from your strengths. Good luck with tonight. Let us know how it goes. God Bless you & your family.
Josey--Good job!!! You handled everything so well! You better be proud of you. It's good to see someone being so strong, it gives the rest of us courage. Hang in there. Good luck tonight.
We are with ya in spirit Josie... he's simply doing what active A's do.... searching out for the bare minimum that he can do, to keep using, while not having his life fall away around him. The roller coaster continues...
Good luck
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Josey, I will be in your place someday soon.(except I do not have any kids) My A hubby and I will be separating soon as we can get the house sold.I can't wait.I wish I were as far as having boxes packed.It will be so nice to have a place of my own, even though since I was 17(I'm 53) I only lived by myself once for 3 months.That was the last time hubby found someone else and wanted out.(this is sober hubby)He quit drinking 16 years ago.I wish I could say things got better but they did not.
I was a much sicker me in 1995 when I went running back to him soon as he asked me to.I am not that sick person anymore.I have gotten stronger the last 10 years +.Still, I dread the day he does what your husband is doing,wanting to try again.I feel I can be strong and not fall for it but sometimes I worry about it.That is why I am here and in Alanon.
