The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was reading a recovery book today that was recommended to my husband through NA. I won't say the name because I don't know if it's approved and don't want to get in trouble. But there was something in there that caught my eye...
"Narcotics Anonymous is a save-your-own-life fellowship. Nar-anon is a mind-your-own-business program."
That sure sums it up. He is supposed to be learning how to save his life and I am supposed to be learning how to mind my own business and not his. Yup! Works for me!!!
Of course, everytime I tell my husband it's none of my business he responds with "Sure it is. You're my wife aren't you?" Hmm. I like it better being his business.
This has been a hard lesson for me to learn, minding my own business....but ya know what? It works, his actions may effect me, but they are not mine actions and I can not control what my A does. When your A makes that comment, (they all find a way to make it our business LOL) set a new boundary. My A would go out all night, or forget a special occasion because he was out all night etc. When he would say "I'm sorry" I would get so mad.....I use to think ...yeah your sorry, but you didn't forget to use, drink, or hang out with your buddies....then one day I made a decision that has changed me so much, I told him "from now on, I will no longer accept an apology, if it is connected to alcohol or drugs" he still says I'm sorry, but I no longer say...."it's okay" or apology accepted, and he knows.....this was one of my first boundaries that I set.....It is hard to mind our own business, but the rewards of owning yourself, your dignity, and your integrity are all worth it.
