Hello Flyfree...welcome, and thank you for posting/sharing.

I understand exactly how you feel and what you are going through and facing. I too struggled with me standing by and honoring my boundary vs. giving in instead of having a fight/argument and trying to prevent the alocholic from doing something, breaking my boundary, etc. I also struggled with why did I care so much when she didn't care at all! Why would she promise...and then keep doing what she was doing? I fought the feelings of guilt too. I felt like I was abandoning her when she was at her time of need -- most need and worse time.

So, from my experience of many years in the rooms, and in doing a lot of work with my sponsor, and doing the steps -- the first thing I found, and this was me -- I was overthinking it. I kept thinking about it, looking for answers, trying to figure it out, and so on. Stop. I had to stop. The more I tried to figure it out, the more I drove myself crazy. I had to live and think and face issues, and get things handled, one day at a time. I also had to learn to let go. I too was falling apart. I couldn't be around her anymore, like you. I had to focus on letting go and also on detaching -- both physically and emotionally, and that was my job, my responsibility to do that. It wasn't always convenient, and it cost me money sometimes -- but it was the best thing I could do. I had to leave for a night, for a few hours, etc. Not that it was a game -- but it also made a statement. I stood by my boundaries, and made a statement that I said what I was going to do, and I did what I said. That was good for me -- and said that I was not going to accept unacceptable behavior. And, I didn't let her manipulation and behavior impact my thinking or my behavior.

I also stepped up my meetings. I needed to change...because she wasn't going to. I stepped up my meetings, my readings, and also my work and meetings with my sponsor. I needed to focus on me and my thinking. I couldn't allow "my stinking thinking" to allow me to break my boundaries, accept unacceptable behavior, cave in, and cause me to make unhealthy decisions, do unhealthy things, etc. No exceptions -- not for her, or for me! I also had to change so that I didn't keep getting hurt. It hurt that she would promise, and then keep doing what she was doing. It hurt that she would promise and then break it. Whose "fault" is this? I AM SHOPPING FOR BREAD IN A HARDWARE STORE. This is on me, my expectation. I would get hurt in expecting her to change and get better. Also, what really hurt is that I do something -- to try and help her, to make her feel better, to try and have her avoid feeling pain...and I really was doing it, also, for me to avoid pain! For me to feel better. And, I ended up feeling worse!!! I ended up feeling pain!!!

Sometimes, it seems like a vicious cycle, a circular argument, discussion, whatever you want to call it. I go back to the basics. It works if you work it.