The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about self-care. The author reflects on how easy it can be to push ourselves to the limit and not take care of ourselves during stressful times. Getting enough sleep, going to a meeting, or calling a sponsor can seem like a waste of precious and limited time. But in deciding our needs are unimportant, we decide to engage in self-sabotage. In times of crisis, the author stresses that we need to put first things first, pay attention to the needs of our own bodies, and strengthen ourselves because doing these things makes a difficult situation a bit easier.
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I fall into this trap of not putting myself first so often. Somehow, I got the impression that self care was selfish, and selfishness was bad. I learned this as a child, and after years of work on it as an adult, I still have a hard time with it. When things get chaotic, I tend to "buckle down" and "get things done" In the process, I can forget about healthy eating, making time for exercise and meditation, and going to meetings. The result, invariably, is exhaustion and an especially short fuse. I have been thinking about this quite a bit recently, and I think, actually, not taking care of myself is selfish. I cannot give to my full potential if I have nothing to give, and if I haven't paused to take care of myself, I do not have the energy to take care of anyone else. Refusing to care for myself is actually refusing to give my best to others and be fully present in our interactions.
Today after work I am headed to pick up some replacement lawnmower parts, and I will take care of myself by giving myself the time to tinker a bit with the mower and see if I can get it running again. What are you doing for yourself today?
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service, the daily and your ESH. I too fall into the trap of me 'last' when things get hectic, chaotic or just plain crazy around here. Working the program each day - using my routine as best I can - helps me 'feel' when I am backsliding into old patterns.
I am continuously learning in recovery and what I know for me is when I allow other priorities to change my routine, I am far more likely to loose my serenity and spiritual condition. I get frustrated with me for allowing it to happen - yet am reminded that our program is gentle, we are seeking progress and it's a new day!
I am headed out to run some errands and hit my meeting today! So grateful for the program and the tools we have to help us when we need/want it. I'm choosing peace/joy today and will work for it! I am always excited when my 'little people' are coming for a sleep-over....little people brighten my thoughts and lift my joy...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
We discussed this reading at our F2F meeting last week. The entire group could relate and shared about poor self-care at times. I shared that I recently burned my hand with an entire cup of boiling coffee with the grounds. I was going to go upstate to visit family and with my ice pack, started off driving myself. Within 5-10 min. I was sweating and feeling like I would pass out. I got off the highway and called my spouse. She brought me right to emergency care. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Not much at all. It's 10 days since the burn and I am still taking care of my hand. I learned something from this. Sometimes plans need to change. Sometimes my needs HAVE to come first. I think I have improved over time but obviously not enough! I can laugh at myself now, but hope I have learned a valuable lesson. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION, Lyne
Good Morning Skorpi,Thank you for sharing your thoughts on today's important reading. Learning how to take care of myself was extremely difficult when I first entered program. The first form of taking care of myself happened when I gave myself permission to attend a meeting every day and recite the serenity prayer when I first woke up.
From humble beginnings, I moved on to obtaining a sponsor , learning how to focus on myself, examining my motives, letting go of judgment, criticism, blame. Today, because of this, I uncovered many of my positive qualities and I can interact with the world,with true compassion, empathy and love.
Today is Wednesday, which is "my hump day". Today I give myself permission to take care of laundry, and shopping. After that is done, I take a bubble bath, listen to opera, and then take a nap. Years ago I would have considered that a waste of time.
Thanks to Al-Anon I now know that nurturing myself is the best gift I can give to myself because when I do this I become more , willing to be supportive of others.
ohhh I had to see this post....(((((Skorpi)))))) thank you for this GIFT of today's wisdom...in the wake of my sisters death, I had to reeeeely be mindful about self care and I STILL got real sick on Sat. Night...My body was just drained and I did my best to take care of me....took off from work, told the clients I could "slack off" with that I needed extra rest, etc., and they are sooo great to have been supportive...i only worked on Friday because I needed the money........but yea, losing my sister sent me down the rabbit hole a few times...My posts here were kinda "off" as I tried to work my program, I would take a break...come back...take another break..I didn't know WHAT I was doing....but I still messed up....Last Saturday, my yard guy quit me, or I shoudl say went on long vaca in Mexico and did a "no show" re: my lawn, left me high and dry....now what would have been the HEALTHY thing for me would have been to dig out some $$ and hire SOMEONE, a temp, to mow my yard......but nooo!!!! I fired up the mower and in the searing heat, mowed the yard myself and got so hot and exhausted on top of my emotional exhaustion, I got so sick Sat. Night, I was "this close" to asking my EMT /nurse friend to take me to the hospital.....
I just HAD to get out and mow that yard, KNOWING it was a big job as I have a big corner lot instead of backing off., so even the BEST of intentions can fall flat....so i get sick and I cannot work this week till Friday...........self care is a daily, sometimes hourly proposition when one is compromised....I learned that the hard way.......today?? and in the EVENING when cooler, I will mow the back yard where dogs are ONLY....let the rest GO till I feel better and am recovered......back yard is flat, easy peasy, 30 min 45 at most...do it at night as exercise tool but NO OVERDOING anything again......also checking in with my feelings, asking me "hows it going today???" checking in with me....and the BIG thing I did which made me feel really good (No guilt no nothng) was to decline the offer of my nieces to live in an RV on their ranch, giving up my pets to be close to what??? girls who are just "not that into me????" NOT!!!!! I told them their "plan" for me does NOT fit what I want to make ME happy....for the most part i have taken good care of me, save for a big slip and a couple of little ones, like getting my new, badass big screen and big storage phone and having to put my "fun stuff" on it in all one sitting instead of spacing it out, LOL....so my report card????? a "B".....did good for the most part....and progress over perfection.......
Thank you for posting Skorpi. I'm working on self-care and learning to slow down and identify what things I need to nurture myself. I was caught off guard because I hadn't realized that I had let my well run dry. I'm practicing afirmation and gratitude lists and using the phone list when I need more support.
Skorpi, I like your plan to do self-care by taking time to work on fixing the lawnmower. For me, working on something that doesn't have a self-imposed or other-imposed deadline does wonders for my serenity. I think it's great to know that sometimes self-care might mean taking a bubble bath, and other times it might mean fixing the lawnmower.
always a good plan to self care. so far this week, i attended an OA meeting. my first and i liked it. im watching what i am eatting. i got PC[permanent companion-my boyfriend] to help me clean the kitchen. that was for my mental health. got extra sleep and colored in my coloring book. also went out last nite with my guy and saw funny movie.
